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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave my childminder?

17 replies

bluefootedpenguin · 02/12/2009 09:25

My DD now 13 months has gone to a local childminder twice a week for 3 months. I have been happy with the care she has received and she has seemed happy. Yesterday when I went to collect her, I met them on the return from the school run in the car. They pulled up and I opened the door to get my DD out. She was in her Maxi-cosi cabriofix which needs to be secured using the 3 point belt. The lap belt was not across the seat and the handle was not up to brace the seat in a collision. I accept people make mistakes, forget but as soon as I opened the door the CM said 'just as I was coming around the corner she got the lap belt off her seat'. Now, not only does DD sit behind the CM in the driving seat but also, I am sure that if the lap belt is under the two hooks then DD can not get this off. I mentioned the handle had to be forward and she was quite laid back about that. So, I am left now thinking that the CM has lied to me which leaves me uneasy and that the safety of my DD in her car doesn't seem to important. This is not the first time I have raised an issue with the CM about the carseat, previously collected DD to find the harness really lose - useless in a crash and again the handle was not up. I don't generally consider myself to be neurotic but this is my DD's safety. I also don't know how to tell the CM we are leaving without causing offense or upset as she is a nice person. Currently pregnant again and spent most of the night awake thinking about this.
Any advice/thoughts much appreciated.x

OP posts:

Pheebe · 02/12/2009 09:33

Car seat safety is not optional or negotiable imo. If she knew your dd had removed the belt she should immediately have stopped the car and sorted it out.

Can you offer to put the seat in her car every day?

kinnies · 02/12/2009 09:45

No yanbu.
I personaly would not give a sh*t about upseting her. There have been at least two occasions where this ignorant bitch woman has basicly stuck two fingers up at your very resonable (& lawful)
requests to be a decent human and protect your Dd.
I think she has shown that she is totaly untrustworthy - she obviosly lied to you about the car seat so who knows if she just ignores evrything you say?

I would report her to ofstead.

Sorry, I know you wanted advise on how to avoid upset but the more I think about it, the more I want to slap her

kreecherlivesupstairs · 02/12/2009 09:47

Agree totally with kinnies, but being the radical shouty person I am I'd have said SHIT.

kinnies · 02/12/2009 09:48

Even if the op put the seat in every day the cm might not bother to strap the child in properly as in the past.
Trust has gone. I couldnt leave my Dcs with anyone I didnt totaly trust.

PurpleEglu · 02/12/2009 09:48

What Kinnies said.

Safety is really non negotiable

fragola · 02/12/2009 09:49

YNBU. I know it might be hard to part company, but it's better than lying awake worrying about your DD, and you'd probably find it hard to trust her on anything else now.

porcamiseria · 02/12/2009 09:57

This is a deal breaker I think. you will ALWAYS be able to find other chilcare providers too (and if work is an issue use the 13 weeks unpaid allowance to cover you until you have another one).

I agree with fragola, how can you trust her if she is not working with basic safety issues like this? You need to trust her 100% and how can you now?

YANBU

When i parted ways with mine i sent a nice and formal resignation letter, but tell her the truth dont fudge it. "I think we have different views on child car safety, whilst I appreciate the professional care you have provided I unfortunately cant continue on this basis"

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 02/12/2009 10:01

While I do agree that safety in car and out is a deal breaker this doesn't make sense to me.
Where was the lap belt section then was the seat belt actually plugged in but the lap belt bit was not across the front of your dd in the seat?
I only ask because my dd had to come out of her rear facing seat at about that age because she was more than capable and clever and strong enough to pull at the seatbelt and compromise the safe fitting of the seat.
Where was the handle sitting when you seen it?

bintofbohemia · 02/12/2009 10:04

I've had car seat issues (with parents) and CM trust issues and I agree with everyone else. It needs sorting. Plus if CM is slapdash with this, what else is she doing? She might be nice but if you can't trust her it's not worth the aggro.

frakkinaround · 02/12/2009 10:11

YANBU at all. This would be gross misconduct in my contract (nanny) and I would be dismissed instantly. She should have pulled over and the handle should have been up.

However I looked after a 14 month old who I suggested the parents moved into a different car seat, pref still rear facing, as she could get the lap belt out of the hooks if she fiddled long enough and she would, on longish journeys, because I think she liked the challenge! It is a design flaw IMO in the stage 0 car seat. But the handle thing is worrying.

LynetteScavo · 02/12/2009 10:19

YANBU, but I do think you need to tell the child minder why,...she might then start to use car seats correctly.

Stigaloid · 02/12/2009 10:28

YANBU although the cabriofix is for up to 12 months max and your DC should be in a different car seat for better protection. There is no way that if it was secured in properly that she would be able to remove the seat belt as it should be tensioned in place.

I would speak to the childminder and tell her this has bothered you greatly.

Original poster

bluefootedpenguin · 02/12/2009 12:25

Thank you for your comments. They have really reassured me that I am making the right decision. The cabriofix I have is suitable for upto 13kg and my DD is only 9kg. Size wise, mothercare told me this is still appropriate as she doesn't exceed the maximum height. The lapbelt was under the seat with the body belt thrown around the back, I don't think this was secured properly either. The handle was in its furthest back position to make it easy to get baby in and out. As for having time to undo it, I really think it was unlikely as when DD is secured properly she can't reach it to undo and should have been in the seat maybe 10 minutes at most. I will be honest with the CM regarding my reasons for leaving. Thank you again.x

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/12/2009 13:32

yanbu

any professional childcarer should know how to fix a car seat into place and have it safe

the cm is not listening to your request and is putting your childs life in danger possibly every time she is in the car

mejon · 02/12/2009 15:02

Stigaloid - the Cabrio is suitable up until 13kgs. DD was 17 months before she needed to be moved up to the next stage seat and that was only because her head was getting too high rather than weight. She was never able to undo the seatbelt and can't see how a properly restrained child would be able to do so.

StealthPolarBear · 02/12/2009 15:07

yes, I agree surely put in correctly the belt would be too taut to move without releasing some tension from up near the shoulder bit. Plus even if she did pull it out, it wouldn't end up under the seat!

frakkinaround · 03/12/2009 17:10

You can get the belt out of the clips on infant seats but it won't go under the seat. A determined (short) toddler could do it if they fiddled long enough. You know how some seats the lap belt is in reach of the hands and you can push/pull it which will relase tension? Plus if they were kicking that would loosen it up. It would take a while but it's doable. And then if you push the belt backwards and forwards it will come out of the hooks.

But I guess it depends on the hook - the maxi-cosi ones are quite big slots, aren't they?

Regardless of whether your DD was able to get the hooks out on her own the handle should have been up and the CMs general attitude to safety is concerning.

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