To back out of this invitation?

[AmIBeingStupid]

Not sure where to put this, but know I'll get straightforward opinions in this section, so here goes...

Basically, a very dear friend who I haven't seen in ages and love has invited me up to a Christmas party, and I've said I'd go. It's a long drive though, and my husband would do the driving (not that he minds)- we used to live there and he could probably catch up with some mates or come to the party.

The trouble is that there will be girls from my old workplace there, and I used to get a bit of trouble from some of the bitchier ones along the lines of "Oh she must love herself, who does she think she is" etc because I used to do a bit of modelling. Nothing too fancy, just a bit of promotional work etc, hardly Vogue.

Anyway, now that I've realized some of them will be there, and no doubt taking photos for their facebook etc which lots of other people might see, I'm getting cold feet. The thing is, I have put quite a lot if weight on and don't feel very happy about how I look if I'm honest. I can't think of anything nice to wear because I'm more used to jogging pants and uggs these days that hot pants and stilettos. The thought of them crowing over how I've let myself go and I'm not the big glamourpuss now am I, blah blah, just really makes me feel horrible. I'm dreading it, because it will be the perfect chance for them to sneer at me. If I had lost some weight and felt better, their sniggering about me wouldn't bother me so much.

I feel like on the one hand, just putting weight on shouldn't mean I never attend social functions, but on the other hand I'm dreading it now- but my friend will be really disappointed and I'll have to think of an excuse.

AIBU to back out?

YANBU for feeling this way, but you would be unreasonable to let some nasty gossips stop you going out and enjoying yourself. Go on, get yourself dressed up and go (Too bloody cold for hot pants anyway! )

i think that lots of people will be nice to you here.

my straight forward opinion is that i woldn't turn up in front of past bullies if i didn't look fantastic - UNLESS the person you are visiting is very important to you - then i might. but otherwise -i'd let myself have a lovely xmas where i don't get drunk and cry becuase some bitches ruined xmas by being mean

Totally understand how you are feeling. Tell your friend how you are feeling and let her support you! Go and have a great time.

What Custy said.

You are being a bit unreasonable.

Make an effort to make yourself feel special for this occasion and then perhaps think what you need to do longer term if these feelings about your body image persist.

Go, and tell everyone it's nearly killed you having to put a bit of weight on for the fantastic part you've just been offered in an upcoming blockbuster (sorry, you're unable to give details as it's hush hush).

YANBU but I think that curves dont have to mean you look awful. Ok if you have gone from a ten to a thirty you may get some looks but if you are talking ten to sixteen you can look really uber sexy and if you hold your head up high itll piss insecure bully girls off even more that a few pounds arent getting to you at all. Talk about how great your life is and go - dont let the bullies win!!

Nice people won't care

Tbh, whatever you do, someone will be judging you for it; too thin/ too fat; obsessed with looks/ let yourself go; too lax/ too uptight, sahm/ wohm, too bossy/ too laissez-faire, you know, it can be anything and you can't spend your life second-guessing them.

Their judgements have nothing to do with you and everything to do with their own fears and unhappinesses. This could be a really great opportunity to recognise that you're not only loving yourself when you look like a model.

go and have a nice time, and talk with the people who you like.

Am with Custardo. If you know how they are going to be, and you are already worrying about it, then I wouldnt go.

I went to a Uni reunion 8 months pregnant and wanted to go with a sandwich board with a photo of how I looked post uni but pre pregnancy. . I did have pregnancy as a reason for not being normal svelte self, but I still felt self conscious!

Thanks for your thoughts- I would love to turn up and look knockout, but sadly I just don't. I loathe getting my photograph taken too- if I'm honest it embarrassed me a bit as a model even, but now I feel lkie a bit of a moose it's worse. The thought of them being tagged on facebook is excruciating. I do feel that I should go now I've said I will, but I have no idea and not much cash to find a good outfit. I sort of wish I'd said it was too far in the first place.

extra curves aside :-)
just glam yourself up with nice hair, support pants, spray tan, fab dress, make up, push up bra, mani, pedi etc etc and they will see how fab you look even with some extra cladding! maybe not all of the above but you get the gist

I agree with LilRed. why not ask your friend to say no photos, as she has asked one person to take them all evening, then you could possibly vet them? anyway perhaps some of those women will have changed shape/size over the time you have not seen them. Perhaps you have other things now that they don't (eg kids?) so you have plenty to be proud of. Go and have fun. Facebook pictures are for teenagers anyway.

i'd like to say that you should go and have a great time, but accept that if you're not feeling that comfortable about your appearance or conident in yourself you may spend the evening misreading looks and comments made to you. im at a similar place in terms of my own appearance and confidence. if i see someone after a long time, there's often a mutual exchange of "you look well/great/slim" or whatever. i would feel under scrutiny and possibly inwardly question the sincerety of any compliment. that itself would be a risk of marring my evening.
HOWEVER
pls remember that having not seen these people for a while, they will also have changed and may be more likely to approach you and be more friendly and not bitchy. actually, even without the issue of how you feel about your appearance, that may just have been something of the past. if you go, do you think you could go up to them and start a conversation with them first to break the ice?

I love the idea of a forthcoming movie role and No Photos Please- perhaps I should go the whole hog and ask my friend to instruct them all not to make eye-contact with me?

YANBU to consider backing out- are there enough people there who you do like and want to see? I know how you feel- I've been too ill to exercise for ages and have put weight on too. Frankly I would rather boil my head than get trussed up for a night out, but if you are looking forward to seeing your friend, just focus on that and bear in mind that after a certain age nobody else is going to look like an oil painting either.

Oh, and hide if you see a camera- that's what I do.

GO!! Do what Hullygully said butr wear huge sunglasses and take your other half as a PA and call everyone 'Daaaarling'

YANBU.

At a recent funeral, one of Dh's uncles said something to me along the lines of 'you're getting past it, time for the younger ones to shine, eh?', referring to dds.

I was upset and a bit cross. Didn't say anything to him as it was his sister's funeral, but it was horrible.

I'd have been tempted to push him in, Uriel

how do you know those bitches haven't put weight on themselves ?

time waits for no woman you know, the Op doesn't have the monopoly on not looking as utterly fabulous as she used to do

just a smidgen less fabulous is still wonderful...I expect you can still scrub up well?

speak to your friend and get the low-down on the coven...you might find they all have thinning hair, corned-beef legs and crusty heels

hello - i can recommend a great dress from warehouse, its £80 though, but covered in tassles (bit of nightmare for getting caught on things) and hides every lump and bump. I've put on a lot of weight lately too and wore one for my 40th a couple of weeks ago, and only got complements.

here and reduced to £60, typical!

That looks nice, Thrifty.