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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

telling dp to drive home from work and

15 replies

bogie · 01/12/2009 10:09

give me all the bloody things I need that he has taken with him.....

My bank card
My money
and DD's only pair of shoes!

He knows I have to work today and I have to get the bus to work and take dd with me, I have no bus fare, no way of getting any money out and no shoes for dd.
I have just phoned him told him to drive the 20 miles back from work (then work through lunch) and give me these things and he has said No...... find some bus fare out of ds's money box, take your passport get money from the bank with your passport, and buy dd some new shoes!

OP posts:

TootaLaFruit · 01/12/2009 10:12

He is BU - he's the one who took the things you need, and he's passing the buck and making you go out of your way (sounds like a huge hassle as well) to get it sorted....

doesn't sound like he's going to change his mind though so I'd do what you can today and think up a suitable revenge

SarahSon · 01/12/2009 10:17

Who is at fault? Did you leave the things you need in the car knowing that he was taking the car in the morning or did he actually take the things with him - i.e. get up and take them to work with him knowing he had them and knowing you need them?

If it is the case that you forgot to make sure that you had the things you would need out of the car before he left then YABU. If it is that he left with them knowingly and activly then YANBU!

Original poster

bogie · 01/12/2009 10:18

The shoes were left in the car but he had left them in there... He just took my bank card and money? he said he needed petrol and needed to leave his account untill friday so the bills are covered.

OP posts:

MrsBadger · 01/12/2009 10:19

need more info before judging here

did you leave all those things in the car knowing he was going to take it? if so yabu

or did dh purposely pack all those things and take them to work with him? if so yanbu, but tbh I think this is fairly unlikely...

Rhubarb · 01/12/2009 10:20

Well it depends. If you left the stuff in the car and he didn't knowingly drive off with them there, then it's unreasonable of you to expect him to drive 20miles back home to get them.

I would take the money out of their moneybox as he has suggested.

I would take dd to school in her trainers and explain to them.

I would borrow money from a friend with a promise to pay it back tomorrow.

At the minute you are seeing the whole thing as a crisis. Solve one issue at a time and you'll find that you can get by today just fine.

MrsBadger · 01/12/2009 10:21

ok, so

YANBU for not making sure dd's shoes were where you needed them, sorry.

No blame apportioned for borrowing cash if agreed in advance, HIBU if not agreed.

HIBU for taking your bank card

YABU for letting have the PIN for your bank card. Are you mad, woman?

Rhubarb · 01/12/2009 10:22

Ok, so does he know he's left you without money?

The shoes he probably forgot about.

Let's not get into blame here. Your dh had his reasons and you'll have to deal with him once he gets home.
The minor problems you can solve for today.

Take some sarnies in to work with you, then all you need is bus fare.

cumbria81 · 01/12/2009 10:22

Bit OTT to make him drive home, even if it was his fault. As Rhubarb says, there are solutions to be found. It's just one day.

Original poster

bogie · 01/12/2009 10:31

DD is only 16 months, she is coming with me, she only has 1 pair of shoes that fit her.. (we had to buy them this weekend because her others didn't fit)

We are setting up a new photography studio, and there is wood and bits all over the floor so dd will need shoes on.

I have phoned my mum and she has said she will fetch me and give me a lift (but this will make me 1 hour late as she is working untill 1)
I will ahve to borrow some money from her..

OP posts:

Rhubarb · 01/12/2009 10:36

Ok, well both of you were responsible for leaving her shoes in the car.

What do you need money for if your mum is giving you a lift? Take your own lunch, don't buy it.
Is she walking at 16 months? Most kids are using their hands and knees still.

I'm sorry but I do think you are making a huge drama out of this. I have a feeling your dh will suffer when he returns home from work.

Original poster

bogie · 01/12/2009 10:46

She has been walking since 11 months she is very mobile and there is no way she will sit in a pushchair for 6 hours.

I will take some pasta salad for me and dd, but I will need money to get either a taxi or a bus to fetch ds when he comes out of nursery.

OP posts:

Stayingsunnygirl · 01/12/2009 11:02

I once made dh come all the way back down from London on the train, because he'd gone off to work with both sets of car keys, and I needed a car to take the cats to the vet.

I don't think you are being unreasonable to be cross about this.

Could you get a taxi to your dh's work, pick up your money, the bank card and dd's shoes, and get dh to pay for the taxi?

Rhubarb · 01/12/2009 11:09

Ok well look, both of you are responsible for leaving her shoes in the car. If you needed them today, you should have made sure they were there.

He is being unreasonable in taking your bank card and money. But presumably he didn't think you'd be needing them today?

How did your ds get to school this morning then?

You shouldn't make him drive back no, but I would make certain he didn't do this again, which I'm sure you will.
A mobile 16 month old sounds like trouble when you're trying to set up a photography studio, can you not enrol her in nursery or get your mum to look after her? 6 hours of trying to work whilst your little one toddles around doesn't sound like fun.

And if you normally get the bus to work and back, then I suggest you do that again, but borrow the money from your mum.

Don't go out of your way to make things even worse so that he feels bad. The only person you'll piss off doing that is yourself.

Original poster

bogie · 01/12/2009 11:16

Dp takes Ds to nursery on the way to work, I get dd up bathed, changed ect, Dd is starting nursery in feb...
I know I am being slightly U but I just wish he could use his brain before he leaves the house... He knew how busy I was going to be today (lights flooring and lots of bits arriving today and I need them all set up by the weekend.

OP posts:

kinnies · 01/12/2009 11:42

My dh is a sod for doing things like this I always create merry hell and play the matyer and it makes me feel better so I would say make him crawl home and deliver money, shoes ect.

But then I'm a bitch so maybe listen to more leval headed mners if you can find some

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