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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To get very fed up and tired of DP's business coming first all the time

3 replies

hobbgoblin · 30/11/2009 23:01

He owns a retail premises and is in the recovery phase following divorce from his ex wife and business partner so is trying to keep his head above water and pay off the legal fees and so on. This I understand.

However, I seem to put in so much time and effort to helping him manage. I do the banking, help with chores in his house when I can even though I have my own house and 4 DC to look after - one of whom is our 18 week old DD. I look after his DC from first manage, feed them, have his first wife drop them with me when he is still at work and can't have them until later, look after them in the monings on Saturday after we have all stayed over, so that he can go into work for a while which often stretches to hours.

He does his bit here and there - will come back and cook us all breakfast for example.

But I feel the 'us' time gets shelved over and over agian and one week rolls into the next without us having any time.

He was supposed to come up after work tonight to see me and DD but was in work til 9pm so didn't make it. I had been to a meeting with a client on his behalf earlier in the day, taking DD with me, I did his banking and generally rush around like a blue arsed fly so I could help him but also sort out me, the DC and my house.

I spent all weekend from 5.30 am on Saturday working on a new side to the business and didn't take a penny. I've not invested in this financially but am the brains behind the whole thing and we really pulled it off but feel like it is onl;y just appreciated. He did thank me properly and has promised us a weekend away after xmas but I suspect soemthing else will crop up so this doesn't materialise.

It isn't like me to feel resentful but I think I do. AIBU to feel a bit like there is no reward to all this?

OP posts:
Imablokepleasebegentle · 30/11/2009 23:51

Firstly I am a bloke and I work quite long hours and am often away from home - infact I am typing this from a hotel room as I am away on business from home.

I have a supportive wife and the children are 7 and 11.

When i am home I make sure that I devote my time to my family. If anyone misses out its me and some "me time".

There are 3 things that spring to mind.

The first is that it is affecting your relationship, the second is that you haven't mentioned being able to see an end to this situation and the third is that he is missing his DD growing up.

I think you should talk to him. It sounds as though he thinks he is trying to do the right thing for the business and is losing sight of other things.

Good luck and HTH

hobbgoblin · 01/12/2009 00:06

Thank you for your reply despite my dreadful typing there. I don't even have a baby on my lap upon whom I could blame it!

I'm sorry you feel as though you are in a similar position in that you have to be away from the people you love some of the time.

I know my DP misses 'me time' also. His treat is to take his car out for a drive for a wind down but even that is tinged with the fact that it spends most of the time covered up and garaged with very little enjoyment of what is a lovely car. So, he too rarely gets to do the things he enjoys, and it isn't just the 'us' time that is neglected.

I suppose you are right and my issue is that I see no end in sight. Although there are very immediate pressures created by his personal circumstances (the divorce), he is somewhat 'addicted' to work and something tells me there will always be a reason to spend more and more time building up the business while neglecting the people who stand to enjoy the profit that creates.

I'm really not that materialistic so I struggle to justify how things are to the extent that he seems able. What is the point of building up the inheritance (the children's) if you do not enjoy the childhood of those that will later gain financially from this?

OP posts:
Imablokepleasebegentle · 01/12/2009 00:14

I thought your typing was quite good actually!

As a parent and partner he has resposnibilities both to look after you financially and emotionally. I think he probably thinks he is doing the right thing in providing (financially) for you and giving you the financial security but you are right in that there is a work life balance to be had. (And if I was Pinnochio my nose would be growing longer by the minute!).

I still maintain you should talk to him and try and understand why he thinks he needs to work like he does. Like all "addicts" he might not realise...

HTH

Nick

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