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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that they should visit US?

10 replies

Maize · 30/11/2009 14:52

This is a genuine AIBU.

BIL and his wife live about 7 hours away from us.

We live about an hour and a half away from PIL and her parents and all their extended family in town X.

We have been to visit/stay with BIL and SIL a few times. Its very expensive for us and we do not have huge amounts of money but we like them a lot and get on very well and enjoy seeing them. I have no siblings and DH only has his brother so we also feel that a good relationship is important. They will only come and see us as an addition to a visit to their family in X, they will pop over for an afternoon. Doesn't always happen when they are in X though, maybe once or twice a year. We have hinted about a full weekend visit but no joy yet.

My family lives two different locations, each two hours away. So we spend a chunk of time traveling to visit them as well.

My DH is really annoyed today because we have just organised a weekend to see BIL and SIL again with no mention of a return visit. We will go beCause we like them but I feel that if we can be bothered to travel all that way a few times a year just to see them surely they can be bothered to travel to see us. It feels like we are not important enough to get a visit in our own right and are just tagged onto seeing mum, dad and grandma etc.

AIBU in expecting a visit? We really do get on so so well and I feel quite that they don't want to come and stay with us after we have lovely fun weekends with them at their house.

I think I am feeling this more as we are TTC and I feel quite about my children only having one uncle and one auntie and worry they won't even see them...

Sorry this is long.

OP posts:

FrostyBaubles · 30/11/2009 14:56

have you invited them to stay with you? Maybe they are waiting to be asked.

MadamDeathstare · 30/11/2009 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

specialmagiclady · 30/11/2009 15:00

Ooh - you've made me feel guilty as I only ever visit my brother on my way to my mum's - they all live in Scotland, I in Bristol. Plus I feel I can never invite them to us as it's "such a long way".

Could you try saying "next time you're planning on coming this way, let's swap it round so you could come to us for the weekend and pop over to see the parents for an afternoon". Try and get "clearance" from the parents too so they don't put any emotional blackmail onto BIL.

TheWorldFamousKewcumber · 30/11/2009 15:05

If I had several family members within 90 mins of each other and I lived at least 7 hours away, I'm afraid I too would do a combined visit.

If I was one of their paretns I would be pissed off if they came all that way and didn't arrange to see me for a reasonable length of time.

Why not just invite them to stay overnight on one of their next visits - why the need for a whole weekend?

I haven;t spent the weekend with my brother or siste in about 20 years!

Original poster

Maize · 30/11/2009 15:06

Well we have done our best to invite them.

Talked about things they could do if they stayed, places they could go to with us.

Before we left last time I even said I know our town is not as exciting as where you live but it would be lovely to have you stay with us.

Maybe will organise a date with them when we see them over Christmas?

OP posts:

Original poster

Maize · 30/11/2009 15:10

x posted Kewcumber - staying with us for a night while they visit parents would be cool with us! We are all very close in age and lots in common and our nights out together feel like friends and not family. Its more we want a drunken evening with us here!! And they seem to want that too but never actually make any plans.

OP posts:

Pheebe · 30/11/2009 15:25

YABU go vist them because you WANT to not because its a tit for tat exchange of visits

You never know, they may have some very valid reason for not making a specific visit to you (in their situation I would probably combine a visit to all family as well). If it really bugs you, don't hint - invite them on a specific date and say you want to book a restaurant or something

TheWorldFamousKewcumber · 30/11/2009 15:34

If my brother wanted me to stay the night I would expect him to stay - "come and stay the night with us... what date can you make?"

Try it it might work.

If not then maybe they are being a bit unreasonable but I do understand conflicting family requirements.

groundhogs · 30/11/2009 15:40

MAybe they don't like staying with other people? Don't take it to heart, it is what it is.

lovechoc · 30/11/2009 15:42

some people are just like this, they like to have visitors but they don't really enjoy going to visit other people. I would just leave it. If you've already tried with them and they aren't taking you up on the offer, then just leave it be. They will have their reasons.

We have family like this but they live 10 mins away(!) and we've invited them to lunch but it never happens, so we've realised they just have their own ways now and aren't really that interested.

Hard to accept but gets easier as time goes by.

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