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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be worried about how this christening gown will look..

28 replies

PrammyMammy · 30/11/2009 00:22

My dd and ds are being baptised in the new year. I met the priest on Friday to talk it over. I have been meaning to meet with him sooner but was moving house and then had to decorate everywhere as it was a mess.
My PIL have always had issues with religion, i am from Scotland where football causes some problems with religion, it is daft but when i met my dp he knew i had been brought up in a catholic family, and his parents have made silly comments, for example "are you sure you can drink tea in this house, we do not use holy water", so they knew too.
So, i'll get to the point eh, after a few talks with the ils, yesterday they asked us if we would have dd wear a gown made from mil's wedding dress, she made for my sil's service at the Salvation Army 19 years ago. Which she described to us as a knitted white dress with a coat. Mil says it would make her happier and would mean a lot. It is a nice idea, but we just paid £65 on a gown and hat, i can't return it as it was in the sale.
MIL isn't happy and thinks our dcs being baptized means a faith is being 'rammed down their throats'. So it would make this easier for them, but i really like the gown we chose. DP says wait to see the gown (which has been in the loft for 19 years) and then decide. But the fact that we chose ours together, and paid so much for it is swaying me already.

OP posts:
Original poster
PrammyMammy · 30/11/2009 00:32

Forgot to say, if it is a beautiful thing we wil use it as it is a lovely idea. BUT i am a bit scared it turns out to be tatty, it was handmade out of a knitted wedding dress, and has been in a loft for 19 years - and i know anything i put up there smells funky in a year never mind 19 years.

OP posts:
Monty100 · 30/11/2009 00:35

Have it turned into some sort of a wrap/blanket, take it along and have it blessed? [compromise]

I wouldn't have them telling me what to do since they are so opposed to it anyway.

reservejudgement · 30/11/2009 00:35

YANBU. Your MIL is using very emotive language and is effectively blackmailing you into using her dress. I would stick to your guns and use the dress you and dp chose. Can't imagine the other one could be nicer than the one you have!

Monty100 · 30/11/2009 00:37

Sorry - addendum

YANBU

And RJ speaks sense too.

SolosScrapingUpForXmas · 30/11/2009 00:41

Montys idea is a good one(if pils agree)as you'll need a white shawl or blanket of some description for the Baptism.

jemart · 30/11/2009 00:44

Accept family gown with good grace, take it home and then if you actually think it is a moth eaten travesty regretfully inform MIL that you have tried it on the baby and it is far too small, what a pity

Original poster
PrammyMammy · 30/11/2009 00:45

Yes i felt she was kind of emotionally blackmailing us too tbh. She said it would make her feel better about the whole thing as it is her wedding dress/sil's gown.
My gran still had a knitted shawl that was mines when i was little, she came across it when tidying out the spare room wardrobe, and gave it to me about a year ago, it was discoloured, more yellowy grey than white, i've washed it and it is still no where near white. So worried the gown might be discoloured also. If she was happy and had mentioned this when dd was born i would feel different.

OP posts:
Original poster
PrammyMammy · 30/11/2009 00:50

lol jemart that is the plan so far. I'm actually nervous lol.
MIL says it has a detachable coat, so i might use that if it matches. Or ask if i can have it made into something my ds can wear as we don't have his outfit yet (everything in the shop was way out of my budget).

OP posts:
Monty100 · 30/11/2009 00:52

As Solo says, you'll need a blanket or a shawl so use your own lovely outfit and take a bit of MIL's gown, made into a shawl, for the blessing?

SolosScrapingUpForXmas · 30/11/2009 00:59

But get her permission first! she might want it used for all her grand children!

Monty100 · 30/11/2009 01:02

Sorted then. lol

Vivia · 30/11/2009 07:54

Prammy, your MIL mocks - jokingly or otherwise - your religious upbringing (e.g. 'no holy water for your cup of tea') yet demands to be part of the baptism? She is being unreasonable, not you.

bentneckwine1 · 30/11/2009 09:33

What about having your DD wear the outfit you selected for the baptism service and the family photos. Then change her into the 'heirloom' outfit to allow the IL's to take some photos of their own.

We have photos of my son in his sailor suit that I bought for his christening but also some other taken with him wearing my own christening robe which was a bit worn/discoloured in places that could be hidden in a photo.

Hope you sort it all out...in Scotland too and well aware of the issues you raise.

morningpaper · 30/11/2009 09:37

In the catholic ceremony (and in the Anglican one if you ask) there is a part of the ceremony where the baby is presented with a 'white garment' as a sign of xy and z which I've temporarily forgotten.

So we had a traditionally-made embroidered "bib" made from some old fabric which was used at this part of the ceremony. Perhaps you could do something similar with your MIL's gown?

thumbwitch · 30/11/2009 09:44

just as a useful point - it might not fit anyway. A very good elderly friend of mine offered me the loan of her christening gown for DS when he was christened aged 6m - but sadly it was too small for him, so I had to buy something else. Tbh, it was a bit of a relief because I would have been on tenterhooks all day that nothing happened to damage this vintage gown.

Hope you get it sorted out - perhaps you could make something else out of the gown, maybe bootees if it's knitted.

pigletmania · 30/11/2009 09:52

I think that your MIL is being VU considering she does not take religion seriously and it would make HER feel better about the whole thing ,remind her whose day it is, and who its for? I had a similar situation to yours regarding my MIL and dhs Christening gown, i really preferred to buy my own, so I told MIL who accepted it with such good grace. Your MIL just sounds really selfish and self centred, you do what you want to do its your dh and your dd.

Like others have said on here, you could compromise and put your lovely gown on for the service at the church get photos, and her one later on at the reception and get more family photos, that way you are both happy. You never know her one might be god awful and you might not want your dd in it at all, then again it might be nice.

diddl · 30/11/2009 09:53

I´m with Vivia.
She makes fun but wants your baby to wear an outfit of her choosing?

What a cheek.

Maybe I´m interpretng "knitted" wrongly.

I made a gown for my 2 that I hope will be used again-but it is cream satin, so not to everyones taste!

KnickKnackLovesLateLateToyShow · 30/11/2009 09:57

I'm with morningPaper, I'd use her knitted thing as the "white garment" that is placed over baby and blessed during the ceremony.

Saucepanman · 30/11/2009 10:06

If I had spent £65 on a gown I loved, that was non-returnable, then the baby would be wearing that I'm afraid, and any reasonable person would understand that. Go with what you want.

TinyPawz · 30/11/2009 11:37

I'd use your own one.

Original poster
PrammyMammy · 30/11/2009 12:04

I feelmuch better seeing all your responces. Phew! If it was an actual tradition, and it had been passed on and looked after, and didn't feel like a way for her to feel better or 'happier'. I would probably like to use it, it would feel special, but at the moment it is just feeling forced upon us. I think she is looking it out for us today so i will keep you posted.

OP posts:
gagamama · 30/11/2009 12:16

Could you perhaps explain that you've already bought something for DD, but DS still needs something so maybe she could make him something, or come with you to choose something?

She sounds frightful TBH if she objects to the meaning behind the baptism but is perfectly happy at the prospect at playing dress up with her dolls grandchildren.

diddl · 30/11/2009 12:25

If you´ve already bought your own, I would use that.

Perhaps you could just use the jacket from her outfit?

reservejudgement · 30/11/2009 22:47

Knickknack, were you as disappointed as I was that Jedward didn't "sing"?

wilkos · 30/11/2009 22:54

so if you baptise your dd in her gown its fine, but if you use your gown you are "ramming your faith down their throats"

shes a right old manipulator isnt she!

tell her to stuff it (but very very politely and tactfully

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