Ok so my MIL has been a nightmare from when my DS was born 18 months ago.
Most recently we asked her to come round and see our 4D scan video when we would return from it (we had to drive 2 hours there and back) so it was early evening when she was to come round. We asked her about 4-5 weeks in advance and she said yes.
The day before, she rang and said she wouldn't be coming round as she wanted to go to the pub. She said she would come round the following day (Sunday).
On the way home we popped to hers and she'd already gone to the pub but SIL was there so we showed her and her fiance the DVD and the pics and the loved them. They get very excited about these kinds of things. We then popped in on DH's auntie who was supposed to be coming to ours, too as there didn't seem to be much point her coming round when MIL wasn't going to bother. She watched the DVD and got super excited and kept chatting about the baby.
The following day MIL did not turn up. Apparently she was hungover (however, we did not even get so much as a phone call to say this).
She bought DS his cot and some clothes whilst I was pregnant. She hasn't bought this baby anything but insists that she wants to be the first to buy her a dress so no one else can. She said this at 20 weeks. I am now 28 weeks and my mum and I have bought her some dresses but not told MIL as didn't want to offend her but we need to start shopping, we've got next to nothing so far.
Tonight DH rang and said we were going to start buying things for the baby so we didn't want to double up and was she buying anything specific that we shouldn't buy (as last time she'd made such a hoo har about no one was to buy a cot as she was 'the one who should decide where the baby should sleep' as it's her 'grandchild'.
She said 'oh I'm not buying any presents like cots or anything this time. I'll buy her a couple of bits of clothes. Not that I see why I should be buying her anything when you haven't even brought the 4D scan DVD to show me'. DH said that she had cancelled for the pub and not turned up the following day and we have been busy working every day since but she is very welcome to come round anytime. She said she doesn't see why she should have to come round to us (we live in the next street).
Now this all sounds like a mountain out of a molehill but it is well and truly the last straw. She insisted that as she'd had miscarriages, DS was as close as she'd get to ever having a son. Errrmm... so what's DH? She tried to make out DS was her baby pretty much and got very over bearing, then saw her arse at his christening as she wasn't centre of attention and she's been an utter cow ever since- always causing problems and telling people that she needs to be 'reminded' by her DH that she has a GS as she's so close to her great nephew that she barely has time/love for anyone else. His mum is dead so she is centre of attention when she's around him.
DH said I need to suck it up and be the adult. Personally, I don't even want her seeing my kids at the moment. She has done so many nasty things over the past 18 months and is always bitching about us never taking DS to see her but when we do she makes us feel very unwelcome and we actually moved house to be closer to her as she kept saying we lived too far away for her to get to (2-5 mins away in the car- which she has) so we live in the next street and she still won't come round.
DH said sometimes she can't be arsed to see DS and she said 'yes well I work'. She only works a few hours a week and we both work more than double what she does.
So what do we do? It's like every time we try to make an effort she chucks it back at us and she really makes me feel horrible when I see her.
She won't come and see DS on xmas day as she's working a couple of hours in the morning and she wants to go on the piss after that so she said we've got to take DS to her dirty work first thing in the morning when he will want to be opening and playing with his toys.
Can someone please put all this into perspective for me and help us to understand our relationship with her and how we should act as anything we do is wrong and I'm too pregnant and emotional to be worrying about it anymore. She makes me so mad and she's causing a rift between DH and I. DH ALWAYS takes my side by the way. Or I take his side- whichever way it is.