I can't forget what my DH did

[veronikka]

Hello again, a couple of weeks ago, I discover something very interesting on my computer, "my chat logs" folder, and I found a message started for my DH to her ex, it was like: HEY HONEY, I'M HERE WAITING FOR YOU AS I SAID ON THE E-MAIL I SENT YOU YESTERDAY, I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
and then another one ARE YOU THERE? STILL WAITING FOR YOU!
She didn't reply.
After that we had a huge row, I was mad, fumming, He said sorry and he just wanted to say happy birthday to her but I would never have done something like that, I don't even talk to me ex anymore. And I forgave him BUT deep inside I'm still angry, I don't wan't him to touch me or to be near me.

well what do you want to do / him to do / to happen?

No idea, I'm confused, and hurted......

I can see why you're feeling uneasy and hurt about these messages. However, the only way forward is to really get to the bottom of it and have a calm discussion with your DH.

You need to explain how you feel and give him time to answer you. If he can produce the email he referenced, then that would be useful too.

Now is the time to nip this in the bud and avoid a lot of resentment. If he can explain himself and also understand how these messages have made you feel, you can start move on.

If there is more to it than he is admitting, then you need to know and you both need to discuss it.

BTW, I'm absolutely not suggesting you shouldn't be feeling the way you do, it's a perfectly natural reaction but for your own sake you need to resolve this sooner rather than later.

Sorry, I also meant to say that an agreement needs to be made regarding any future contact with his ex. You need to be comfortable with whatever is decided in order to move on.

He said that he deleted the email, and that he really loves my, the kids, blah blah and he only wanted to wish her HB nothing else, and that he always called "honey" and no feelings for her blah blah.
and thank you Mishy for your words, mean a lot to me right now.

loves ME sorry!

Do you believe him? (horrid Q to ask)

That's the question. I do believe him but deep inside my mind there's this little voice saying: he's sorry just because he got caught! Oh God... I'm soooo angry............

If you believe him you need to have a chat about it, make some boundries, draw a line under it and move on. I am trying to do that with my DH atm. Not easy. I get randomly angry at him for what he has done (totally different situation btw but still know how you feel) and start having a go at him. I have told him he needs to understand this but that i will try to control it. I think these things just take time and a conscious effort from our husbands to regain trust.

Thank you girls!

i have to say, it sounds totally dodgy.

i know i couldn't 'forgive' when i don't know what actually happened... the mails sound like part of a bigger thing.

are they friends? see each other socially? is this a recent relationship, who dumped who etc etc?

it's the 'i really need to talk to you' bit especially.