to stop having playdates as DS can't behave?

7 replies

lupo · 28/11/2009 07:56

Was looking for some advice please. DS has started at a lovely local pre prep school, is well behaved at school and got a good report. He has just started reception and is five. He comes out of school mentally tired but not physically i.e he can easily jump around at home or go to the park.

I have instigated a couple of playdates and been invited back, the problem is ds turns into a bit of a nightmare. He seems tired, doesnt play nicely, wont eat his tea with other children etc and turns into a bit of a monster.

I am finding it really embarrassing and stressful, so I want to leave the playdate thing for another year, til he matures and can behave himself. However at the same time I am worried he will lose out as others go to each others houses, and I will miss the opprtnity to make new mum friends. However I con't think I can continue coping with DS behaviour on meet ups and I find it soo stressful.

Any advice would be appreciated. Do your reception age children do lots of play dates, has anyone experienced similar behaviour and what did you do? Thanks very much

OP posts:

Original poster

lupo · 28/11/2009 07:57

Any advice would be appreciated. Do your reception age children do lots of play dates, has anyone experienced similar behaviour and what did you do? Thanks very much

OP posts:

gingel · 28/11/2009 08:17

leave the playdates for a while - he won't miss out and nor will you!

sounds like he's understandably too tired to cope with anything after school - wait til summer time!

and don't feel guilt about it either

Ivykaty44 · 28/11/2009 08:21

have a playdate on Saturday if you must - otherwise leave it as it is not working out.

Maybe in the summer with shorter terms and lighter nights it would be worth trying again.

This really is a long dark term - the longst in weeks and all the dc get worn out by this time (even at secondary it is still long!)

scrummymum · 28/11/2009 08:23

My DD was in reception last year and didn't go on that many play dates. It hasn't made it more difficult for either of us to make new friends. I only actually instigated a play date once.

If he is misbehaving or being awkward while there then they may start to steer their children away from playing with him. If you get an invite, explain that he is too tired after school and gets a bit of a handful but lets see how he is in a few months. That way they will know what is going on with in and will probably sympathise (sp?) with you. My DD was a proper madam in her first few months in reception. It does get better.

secretskillrelationships · 28/11/2009 08:37

Don't forget about weekends either, don't assume that everyone wants the whole weekend for family time. People with older children may love to drop their younger child with you as they race to take older children to activities and generally have more time to stop for coffee when they collect. In addition, you can supervise more closely when you aren't trying get a meal together etc.

My DS was challenging when he started in reception until I realised that he was mentally tired but not physically so. Had to try to run him round for quite a while before bedtime otherwise he couldn't sleep. He didn't have a single playdate during the week during his first term in reception (and he didn't start until after Easter). Mainly because I just couldn't get it together.

In terms of making new mum friends, if you can, why not suggest a coffee morning for mums (and dads). Generally get much more chance to chat and get to know people than when little ones around demanding attention. Do you have class reps at your school? Ours organise this. Or take a deep breath and just invite a couple of people over to your house. It's scary but most people really appreciate being invited even if they can't make it. Particularly mums with children in reception.

Original poster

lupo · 28/11/2009 10:34

thanks for responses so far, am finding the whole playdate thing a nightmare, perhaps its all too much for ds

OP posts:

Morloth · 28/11/2009 12:17

Don't do them if they are not fun (either for you or DS).

Maybe have a think about a weekend playdate so that you can do them in the early afternoon when he is not so tired.

We are lucky enough that our school finishes at 12 on a Friday pretty much all playdates happen then. Much better than late afternoon ones.

Flip