To think people who say they don't judge people are lying.

[teaparty]

I was in the city last week, and saw this woman walk past me swearing down her mobile, and dragging a little girl of about 4 behind her, wearing high heeled boots, cropped tight jeans and a puffer jacket which exposed her little midrift.
My Husband and I looked at each other as if to say, oh my god!
I can't help judging people, I thought that woman was awful. I don't honestly think though that people are capable of not judging, it's human nature.
I hope you agree, and don't think I'm a total bitch.

Are you sure it wasn't Kate Moss?

I don't necessarily think people are lying if they say they do not judge. I think sometimes people truly beleive they are non-judgmental and they talk from this point. Which is, rather, misunderstanding about what judging means.

It is impossible, as a human being, with a brain, and thought processes such as that which our brain produces, to be non-judgmental. We all judge situations all of the time, based on our own experiences of the world.

The difference is whether or not we recognise it, and act upon it in one way or another way, or try to balance it.

We did a really good exercise on work training a while back (it was diversity and equality training) where we looked at lots of different scenarios and had to place ourselves in different 'boxes; based on where we stood in terms of judging, based on our own beleifs and experiences. Obviously everyone stood in the 'non-judgemental' boxes, until it was unpicked, then moved! It was, in fact impossible for anyone to stand in the non-judgmental box, but it was possible to find ways to ensure they did not cause offence, or affect our ability to do our work.

I don't judge you for your post, OP.
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YANBU, BTW. We all judge, I know I get judged, it depends on how much and in what way we let it affect our actions that matters.

YANBU.

Of course people judge - it's just absolutely bizarre when people say the "don't judge" - and of course utter bollocks. Without judgement you can't have an opinion - and christ knows how people like those!

Women are perhaps the worst - gossip = judgement.

Perhaps what they are trying to articulate is that they won't hold behaviour and past experiences against someone? Or perhaps they mean they don't want to get involved? Or perhaps they just feel it's the morally superior thing to say.

IMHO we could use a lot more vocal judgement in society, what someone's being a twat perhaps it's time to call them up on that rather than being "non-judgemental".

Well yes, i would probably judge that situation. And the judgement would be - it's not right to swear in front of a child. Dragging the four year old behind her? Maybe they're in a hurry and the girl is being a pain. And i don't see why it matters what she was wearing?

I think she means the girl was wearing what she described which is and I am judging

Oh, ok... I don't think it's right to make a child wear high heels, but the rest of the outfit - meh.

My MIL is defo one of those people. She always says that she hates gossiping about people and getting involved and then 2 seconds later, is doing just that.

YANBU. Everyone must do this to a certain extent.

I think there some who don´t.

Or maybe they judge "mentally" but don´t pass their thoughts to others.

Still judging imo, but perhaps because they haven´t shared it they don´t think it is!

I don't know, I think some people notice different things

I never really notice what people are wearing because I'm completely disinterested in style

think I'm more likely to give people the benefit of the doubt but then some might call that naive

I'm more likely to notice how people are behaving - but it's odd things like people's attitude to money and other people (cannot STAND people who trample over others to get what they want) that I tend to be judgemental about

so often, when people say they aren't judging, they mean they aren't judging to your standards iyswim (but most likely to their own)

Agree with Pavlov. You can't even attempt to be non-judgemental until you acknowledge that you do and will make judgements all the time.

I don't think YABU at all! Everyone judges, it's impossible not to.

It's what you do and say when you make your judgements that matters. If you recognise you are judging people and don't follow on with nasty comment, then IMO that's really the best you can achieve.

I do think you are a total bitch obviously as I have just judged your post

Everyone judges information received, it depends on how well you know yourself what you do with the information.

Some of it has been beaten into you from childhood and responses that you give comes from a time when you were taking someone else's opinions and applying them with a child's mind
Some opinions stem from poor experiences that you have had yourself and thus can give a very extreme judgement sweeping call
Some come from populare media

Being aware of what has shaped you and it's relative validity is more important that pretending not to judge.
Judging parenting is something I rarely do as I'm not the mother I thought I'd be or wanted to be and in most cases people try to do their very best given their circumstances

Hi, thanks for your replies. It was the womans behaviour I noticed first, the swearing down the mobile, while dragging her little girl behing her who was struggeling to walk properly in these redicclus high heels.
I think the people who make and sell high heels to fit 4 year olds have some explaining to do too.
The clothes, although they were tarty didn't really matter that much, her choice etc. The foot wear was another matter.
I think I judge naturally all the time, and I'm probubly compleatly wrong a lot of the time, but I can't help it. I'm only human.