to get fed up of exp comparing me to his gf........ sorry long.

[spookycharlotte121]

I just called him to ask him for some money.... I have none and the kids need some new stuff as they are starting properly at nursery next week and the nursery asks tht they hve their own wellis, hat and gloves so that they caan play outside which is fair enough and will save a lot of stress with them having a second set to leave in nursery so that were not caught short on their days off..... so anyways i have gone on good old asda and got all of their cheepest options. I asked him to go hlves with me as he promised last week that he would give me some money and yet again he hs an excuse and starts telling me tht i dont understand his situation and that he cant give me what he hasnt got.... so i calmly said i wsa in exactly the same situation and even though my income is higher than his I much much higer out goings. ie my gas and gas & electric has just been put up to £135 a month..... he was like well my gf spends £10 a week on gas and electric..... i get told that i spend too much on my food shopping.... his gf also manages to do that for less as well. I dont think £50 is much to spend a week when i have 2 in nappies and buy all fresh ingredients... loads of fruit nd veg.... i personally dont want my kids to each chips and pizza every night.

Im so sick of it..... sorry just needed a moan.

I tried to keep calm throughout but when he said that i just flipped and ended up screaming that we all know your gf is wonder fucking woman and im a load of shit..... and he slammed the phone down on me.

Its not like i was even asking for much.... just £10-£15 so that i could kit them out.

I feel like telling him that untill he can act like a dad and provide for his kids then he doesnt need to bother collecting them for contact on sunday but i worry tht it will result in him doing soemthing stupid or dangerous.

I think you have to resign yourself to the fact that he is useless fuckwit, your dc wont go without because you are a good mother and will provide for them regardless

ummm nope.... will look into it though.

Im going to go into the local office on monday to hand in my paperwork and demand to speak to someone. they wont speaak to you face to face and you cant get through on their phone line..... they never answer. Im going to ask the reception lady to either get ger to call through to that department and allow me to speak to them or I will just go up there myself.... sick of their cock ups.
I filled out the wrong form onlline and no one bothered to tell me.... it took me 2 months of calls to get to the bottom of it.

sorry i know your all probs fedup of hearing about this stupid situation..... just is a bit of a nightmare to say the least and i needed someone to chat to.

But what do you get out of the relationship spooky? Does it actually make your dc happy to spend time with him? Or are you just grateful for the free time (when he bothers to show up)> I recommend a trip to the Citizens Advice Beureu as well to talk this all through with someone who will know your rights in respect of contact and maintenance.

I agree with the posters advising that you set up an agreed amount to pay each month. That way you both know where you stand.

In a way I think it is inevitable that he will question your outgoings and compare you with others. Annoying I agree but people on MN do it all the time. If you say that you struggle to get a weeks groceries for less than £80 someone will come along and tell you that they manage perfectly well on 50p a week!

If you agree a set amount it won't be any concern of his how much you spend on shopping.

The kids adore their dad and its the only time i get to myself so him seeing them works in both senses.

thedollshouse I have tried loads of tiems to set up an agreement for him to give me money..... even just £5 a week but it just results in a load of broken promises and arguments.

Re the csa i dont have an address for him and he isnt paaying tax so they wouldnt get very far.
tbh i wish i had never encouraged contact. he really wast that bothered to begin with.

If he keeps going on about the groceries being too expensive I would give him a list of what you need and ask him to go out and buy it, he will soon change his tune then!

You don't know where he lives but you hand your kids over to him? THAT has got to be changed, what if something did happen while they were with him and you had no idea where to look for them?

yeh..... i spose thats an option..... i might give him the cash and a list one week aand send him to get the shopping.

His lack of cash makes me wonder if he is gambling again.

charlotte... what winter clothes do you need and what ages?

have stuff in boxes that DS has outgrown i would be very happy to send you...

mankymummymoo thats a really kind offer but I couldnt accept. I would hate anyone to think that I had started this thread in an attempt to get freebe's.

thankyou though.... who ever is going round saying all this nasty stuff about MN hasnt witnessed the lovely people, kindness and support offered on here.

Dont be daft, no-one will think that. And I have stuff just sitting around that will prob just go to the charity shop anyway. I would much rather it went to someone who needs it.

Hi Charlotte,
have you got boys or girls and what ages? I am in a long line of hand ons, get lots of stuff and need someone to pass it on to ta.

Ok with money being tight I can understand. Ive just recently moved out of home and first time living with a partner. And I had to bring a issue up with not being able to afford his little boy food wise. And that he has to come with a packed lunch, as well this is my house and I have had to buy everything new as never lived alone before :D Ill admit had it easy all my life and its a bit of a shock lol

The ex gets social services money whatever that is, I won’t pretend to know what it is. But she was whining not understanding that he has moved in with me and its my money who keeps the house with food and toiletries and what not, and it was costing me ££££ If he genuinely doesn’t have any money then that is that I think. Like with my partner, he already pays his over the rate of CM so I’m not going to feed the kid when she should be doing it. And I bet she has a go about me too, but its my money and my house and its my say at the end of the day. I think he just maybe badly put it that you should rein it in a bit maybe. But to say bad stuff about his girlfriend is just poor show. I don’t know if I read it properly but it seems that you want him to buy surplus 2nd items for them just to keep at nursery? If so then not needed. I never had spare clothes at nursery. I Spend 15 quid a week on electric and have a 500litre marine tank which eats a lot, far more then 3 people. so I don’t know. More gas means need to rein it in a bit.

Using the kids to punish him is even more poor show. Set some inspiration for your children not to act like petty fools. They are people not a battering ram

This thread is 10 years old so hopefully this issue is resolved by now!