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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to worry about babysitter taking DS in the car?

57 replies

Makipuppy · 27/11/2009 13:16

I have booked at babysitter to look after DS (12 weeks) for the day. I got her off a childcare website, spoke to her on the phone and then she came round to meet us. She seems very competent, has a crb certificate, cv with lots of experience on it, was full of ideas of how to entertain DS, generally very warm and capable holding him.

DP will be in nearly all day, so she won't be on her own.

But she's only 20 and she's just said that she'll be parking nearby so as we have a car seat would it be ok if she took him to the park etc.

We live right in the centre of town, by lots of cafes etc. and the seafront and DS is a little young for swings anyway. I feel nervous about her driving with him. Also, she might take him to a friend's house and natter with her all day. I don't have any reason to suspect this (other than what i was like as an au pair at her age).

What does anyone think? This is my very first experience of childcare so I really don't know what to expect.

OP posts:

Original poster

Makipuppy · 27/11/2009 16:52

I just got an email back from said babysitter in reply to my one saying we didn't want her to take him in the car and she said what a shame because she was planning to take him to the lagoon to see the ducks and the swans then her gym to play in the ball pond with the other babies...

Am I right in thinking this is a very strange plan for an 11 week old baby?

I've said it's a great plan for later...

I find it really difficult to work while looking after DS and end up doing neither very well. I feel like I'm cheating him a bit if I stick him in his rocking chair.

Yes, professional gamblers do exist, DP's thing involves lots of maths and stats. All quite respectable really (except they don't have to pay tax...)

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WorkingItOutAsIGo · 27/11/2009 17:00

You are totally reasonable - sounds like your first baby, he's tiny, this is the first time you've left him with anyone and all that is enough to be going on with. Totally reasonable to say what you would like a babysitter to be doing with him. And explain it's your first time so you just want to keep it simple.

But she sounds like a lovely girl, with bags of energy and very child-centred - in my experience nannies love to get out of the house and do things and she is probably thinking of things she would do with a slightly older child - so well done on finding her and I hope you like her and it all goes well. Then when ds is a bit older she will be wonderful to have on hand!

Original poster

Makipuppy · 27/11/2009 17:11

Thanks Working, I've had another email back from her saying she's looking forward to doing lots of things like that with him when he's bigger.

Yes, first baby, so tiny and the very light of my life. This is the first time I will be away from him and I will be much comforted knowing he's either tucked up at home or in the cafe on the corner rather than roaming around the countryside with someone I've only met once.

We live in the centre of Brighton within a stone's throw of the pier and the seafront so it's not exactly Dullsville. And what on earth is a ball pond for babies? I've seen ball ponds before but the children waded around, DS would just lie there - most bizarre.

OP posts:

FabIsVeryLucky · 27/11/2009 17:25

Why not have her come and do some time with you while you and your DP are there so you can get to know her more?

Original poster

Makipuppy · 27/11/2009 17:46

Yes, good idea, and DP will hopefully get to talk to her a bit on the day.

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FabIsVeryLucky · 27/11/2009 17:52

Well, he will have to talk to her as she won't know the babies routine for milk and naps and also needs to be shown where the nappies and clothes are and how the pushchair/pram works.

frakkinaround · 27/11/2009 18:09

As a nanny I would understand your restriction and TBH wouldn't even suggest taking him out and about to activities until he was much bigger. You need someone to watch him while he sleeps, feed him, maintain his routine, play with him a bit and take him for a walk.

I suspect she wants to look proactive, doesn't want to be stuck in the house all day and has nannied for children who have been old enough to appreciate the day she has planned before so it's a safe bet IYSWIM.

However in this case you're the employer, you have a tiny baby - if you want to prescribe their day to the minute then that's your priviledge but let me just tell you no nanny will appreciate that very much! Saying she needs to stay in the local area is more than reasonable. You haven't seen her car, you don't know if she's got business insurance in place, you don't know that her car seats are properly fitted and have never been in an accident and you've never seen her drive.

Original poster

Makipuppy · 27/11/2009 18:27

Fab she came round the other day after we spoke on the phone for over and hour and I showed her everything. I've written down all the nap and feeding stuff, although DS is on-demand breast-fed with occasional bottles so it'll just be a case of giving him a bottle whenever he's hungry. He's fine with this as DP gives him a bottle when I'm out or exhausted.

Frakkin I agree 100%. What DS really likes is cuddles and other exciting stuff, like looking at the ceiling . I've said she can take him out in his pushchair and will give her a bit of extra money to cover her coffees etc.

She has made me a bit nervous though. She said she had lots of experience with newborns yet she thinks DS can play in a ball pond, he can't even reach for a toy yet!

OP posts:

RealityMNTVStar · 27/11/2009 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FabIsVeryLucky · 27/11/2009 18:37

I would listen to your nervous feelings and would be tempted to casually ask her what she thinks the baby will do in the ball pool - as if you don't know what one is.

Original poster

Makipuppy · 27/11/2009 18:47

Fab you're right. To me the plan sounded ostensibly fun, but ultimately like DS would spend a lot of time in his pushchair or carseat instead of being held and talked to. I think I'll let her know that's what he likes.

reality gosh, usually when I mention DP on mumsnet everyone says oh god leave him so I'm glad he finally got a point for being dashing...

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frakkinaround · 27/11/2009 20:13

I don't want to feed any misgivings you have but you might want to delve a bit more into her experience and understanding. Is she qualified? Have you checked her references and spoken to the people she's looked after babies for? Asked them what she did with the babies etc? When people put experience with newborns they may mean experience with babies, which doesn't necessarily mean tiny babies so she may just simply not appreciate that a 12 week old is just not up for that kind of outing.

She does sound lovely and the most important thing is you seem happy with her, she's warm and caring and competent with your DS so far but if she's just not worked with the 3-6month age range she may just need reminding of the reality occasionally and have her enthusiasm curbed! When he's a little older she'll be absolutely fantastic though

bonkerz · 27/11/2009 20:25

TBH i dont think a ball pool is a weird trip for an 11 week old baby. The baby will love the bright colours and the whole environment will be very stimulating and your baby will be able to use all his senses, At 12 weeks a baby will normally start noticing things and focus on things as well as start to notice their own hands etc and the colours will help with this. New stimulating environments are good even at 11 weeks old!

frakkinaround · 27/11/2009 20:31

Agree bonkerz - it's not the iea of the ball pool that's badd but the OP has said it's a long way and the nanny is planning to go to the park to see ducks/swans as well so that's a bit of a big outing. A 12 week old will probably only be able to cope with that for a short time.

Getting little coloured balls and creating one at home would be more practical.

Missus84 · 27/11/2009 20:33

If it's just one day then I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask her to stay at home with him.

You MUST call and check her references. I'm suprised by how many parents fail to do this, but you really mustn't leave your baby with someone unless you've thoroughly checked their background.

Boobz · 27/11/2009 20:34

Maki - is your DH a poker player? Or other type of gambling? Just curious...

doubleexpresso · 27/11/2009 20:47

I'm also really curious about the gambling - (now the childcare issue seems to be resolved) It does sound exciting, although the mention of maths and statistics is slightly off-putting!

Original poster

Makipuppy · 27/11/2009 21:33

double it's fascinating! He's written software that identifies anomalies in the pricing of odds and creams off surplus while we're out gallivanting. Come home, cash up and the jobs a good'un...

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DaftApeth · 27/11/2009 21:56

Yes, have you phoned and spoken to the people who offered references?

I would want to know exactly what her experience is and what her responsibilities have been for babies in the past.

Sorry if you have already done this! After all plenty of 20yr olds have their own babies and are fab mums

lindsaygii · 27/11/2009 22:02

It's not unusual for childminders to take a child in the car to groups or whatever. I friend of mine has gone back to work, but her kids (18 months) have carried on going to their usual groups with the childminder who has to drive them there.

One I spoke to said she could do weekend days for me, but it would have to be with the baby going around with her for the day, which seemed fair to me.

But if you don't want it, then it's up to you.

Boobz · 27/11/2009 23:17

Maki - why doesn't your DP patent the software and then sell that - would make him millions?

Portofino · 27/11/2009 23:32

Hmm. When I first moved to Belgium, I had just started a new job and was entitled to no holiday in my first year. The creche my dd went to shut down for the whole of August. I advertised and found an English nanny whose "family" was away. She was very very experienced and had great references.

When it came to it, she spent no time at all in our house and took dd back to hers. She did have a car seat. Dd was 2 then, but I still wasn't entirely happy with it. I had NO experiemce of Nannies though and didn't want to kick off about it . It was a short term solution....If I ever had to do it again I would be much firmer about how I wanted things to be!

nappyaddict · 28/11/2009 03:36

I used to take DS to the park and ball pool from very young. I used to swoosh him down the slide (whilst holding him) and take him to look at the ducks and just walk him around the park, sit on the bench feeding him etc. At the soft play centre it was free for babies so I used to let him lie under the activity gym, again swoosh him down the baby slide and let him lie in the ball pit on his back or tummy in the ball pit whilst in my arms at the same time iyswim.

Original poster

Makipuppy · 28/11/2009 09:05

Boobz I think if even just a few people have the software it would soak up the market and stop being profitable. Also you need to be quite mathematical and whizzy at programming to work it. DS loves to sit on his knee and watch the flashing lights on the screen, and DP says he brings him luck because it stops him taking risks

Portofino that's exactly what I'm worried about. I want DS home here with DP around and about.

Nappy, that sounds lovely! I used to take him to the beach every day when he was newborn, feed him in a deckchair, show him the sea and the seagulls etc. I've no problem with them being out and about, or even in a soft play centre as DS would love the noise and colour. But this plan was way over the top I think.

OP posts:

2babyblues · 28/11/2009 09:55

You are not being at all unreasonable! You live in the centre of town so there is tons of stuff to do without needing a car! Some people have lots of kids with no car so I am sure the nanny can manage one day without using it! For the longer term sounds like she would want to use her car so you would have to consider this if you were to take her on as a regular nanny.

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