in wondering why someone can't work out that "early" is not the same as "punctual"?

[Pikelit]

I am being driven mad by a friend who cannot (or will not) accept that arriving early is not a sign of virtuous punctuality but rather, a fucking inconvenience. I work from home and while this might give the outward impression of utter and complete existentialism, I actually have my time quite well scheduled. So if we are going somewhere which involves her collecting me at 6pm I'll be ready at 6pm. At 5.30 I'm likely to be searching for socks, walking the dog, answering an email - or indeed doing any of the other things I can fit into half an hour. I am not "not ready yet, then?" because I don't need to be sodding well ready for another 30 minutes, do I? Not that I WILL be ready in 30 minutes now.

Pah!

So tell her to pick you up 30 minutes later. SIL is ALWAYS 30 minutes late so about 95% of the time we 'build in' half an hour for her, the 5% of the time we don't is to stop her being an hour late from the time stated.

WorksForUsTiggaxx

My dad is pathologically early. I always tell him that I will be leaving 30 minutes after I plan to so that he doesn't nag me too early

YANBU

I tend arrive early because I live in a state of advancing terror that I might not be punctual. But then I walk around the block so I don't look quite so eager. My father was the same - once we arrived at Fishguard to catch a ferry 8 hours early.

My in-laws are the same. If you say luch at 12 they always arrive at 11.30. Total nightmare and unfortunately they are not consistent so if I give them a later time they arrive late etc. It drives me mad

YANBU - I have a group who meets at my house at 8pm and one person always turn and 7.40pm on the dot. At that time I'm normally putting kids to bed, eating my dinner and tidying up (usually all at the same time) drives me mad... and yes I have mentioned politely on a number of occasions that its inconvenient - I get a shrug and a 'don't mind me' well yes I do!!!

My DH does this, and it drives me bonkers - not least because he always 'forgets' that he's stupidly early and has a go at me for being 'late'.

Him: Where have you been??? I've been waiting ages!

Me: Really? looks at watch Alright, we said half past and it's twenty-five to, but...

Him: Grumble, bitch, whinge.

Batty, utterly batty.

YAsoNBU - I object quite strongly to people turning up early!

I used to work from home with a small baby, and would be working to very tight time frames - so people arriving even 10 mins early could really throw me off! luckily they were all very understanding when I explained and didn't do it again (opening the door in my nightie/with a naked baby in hand helped quite a bit )

I don't mind quite so much when it's a party/dinner, so long as the earlybird is prepared to pitch in and help!

YANBU. I have a friend like this and it drives me mad. She will ring me on average about 5 or 6 times in the 30 minutes leading up to the agreed meeting time. Last time this happened she made me so stressed as her phone calls were delaying me that when I eventually met up with her I felt on edge and it was a bit frosty.

My il's used to be so early it was crazy, they thought nothing of arriving 2 hours early, if you agreed to meet them in a restaurant at 7.30 they would have been there for 2 hours and would already have eaten!

ExH was like this, to the extent of leaving DCs off at school 20 minutes before the bell no matter what the weather. He has a massive anxiety problem. Not mine to deal with any more

YANBU - don't open the door until the alloted time - that'll soon stop her.

YANBU A girlfriend of mine is always early, if I'm meeting her for coffee she will ring me to ask what I want to order as she's already there! It drives me nuts...I am not late........I am punctual!Arrghhhh!

They make them stand outside in the cold if they are early on Come Dine With Me. It's a bit rude I suppose, but being early is rude too.

YANBU. If somebody is early for an arrangement, they should expect to wait...not make sarcastic remarks.

We arrived early once (it is very rare) so we drove around for half an hour before turning up in their drive. I would be embarrased to arrive early!

I went on a business course with a work colleague some years ago, staying in a hotel for 5 days. We agreed to meet by the lift at 8 am each day to go down to breakfast. However, without fail she'd knock on my door at quarter to 8, and sit on my bed chatting while I was putting make-up on/checking text messages etc, (I was well prepared to be ready at 8 o'clock but not before!) I actually thought she was bored in the mornings or in need of company, so I'd chat to her.

Once we got back to work though however, she kept making comments about me "running late, never being ready!" I did point out to her that if she'd wanted to meet earlier she should have said, but she just laughed, shaking her head, making another sarcastic comment, ARGHH!

For the record I'm NEVER late, in fact if there's an early morning shift at work, (and I mean VERY early!), I'm normally asked to do it as apparently I'm one of the few that can be relied on to get in that early in the morning!

according to mother (font of all wisdom, natch) if you are early, it is polite to walk around the block until the agreed time (absolutely no earlier than 5 minutes.)

Onthepier, why did you let her into your room? It sounds like workplace sabotage of you by her to make remarks about you being late and never ready. I would have taken her to task about the damage to your reputation.

I used to always be early- I can't be late (bit of a phobia) then I had DD 4 months and now understand the difference between punctual and early. My DP is always late- about 30 mins so combined were on time. Now individually I'm usually 10 min early no more- however my good friend who has 4 children actually told me she misses me coming early as I used to help get her DC's ready!

also I do find it hard to be punctual with a baby as I never know how long the getting in and out of the car/ putting coat on/ cleaning sick off myself etc will take!

I am a punctual (read 'early') person, but I wouldn't actually ring someones bell (I'd be walking round the block) and I certainly wouldn't make comments like 'aren't you ready yet?'. However, like others have said I can't abide lateness - yes entire dps fanily I mean you - MIL wanted us to go down this sunday for a pre christmas meetup. This involves a three hour drive both ways for us (rest of family live closer), but this won't stop sil ringing to say she's dropping into large shopping centre to get shoes on the way thus being over an hour late. MIL won't start meal until everyone arrives, so a 1.30 sit down, becomes a 3.30 sitdown, by which time I am a. starving, b. extremely pissed off. Then when we leave around 5.30 to do the trip home (school, and work necessitating) we will be subected to a barrage of 'oh are you going now?' 'You have only been here a couple of hours'.. NO WE HAVE BEEN HERE FOR MOST OF THE BLOODY DAY!!'

Ahhhh - that feels better - BTW I have come up with an excuse for this Sunday.......Dp is better than his family - but that is years of intensive training.....

"Ah, you're running a bit early then. Sorry, I've still got half an hour of work to finish off. Would you like to make yourself a cup of tea while you wait?"

Smile. Point her to the kitchen. Ignore steadfastly till she gets the message!

Or if you have a post box a sensible distance away, save anything that needs posting and ask her to do you a favour and get out of your house run to the post box .

Ooh! That drives me mad!
When dc3 was a baby, I had to have some training before I returned to work, and a lady arranged to be at mine for 8.45 am, which gave me time to sort out my dc's, send them to school etc. She arrived at 8 am, and sat there tutting, because I insisted on still getting my dc's dressed, breakfasted and to school - how bloody selfish of me!

I am this person. I am ALWAYS early, so is my dad. I just have this innate terror of being late so always allow myself way to much time to get to places. I arrived at my doctor's appointment this morning 40 mins early!

FWIW I hate being early. I am invariably left hanging about waiting for people to show up (esp as DP is always, without fail, late) but I can't help it.

I always carry a book in my bag because I know, at some point in my day, I will be waiting.