...to think that if someone expects you to pick them up from the station, they should give you at least some warning of when they're arriving?

[TootaLaFruit]

It's another MIL ishoo, but I'd feel the same if it were my own mum. My MIL phoned last Sunday to ask if she could come and visit dd (MIL lives about a 3hr drive away and so wants to take the train). I said 'yes of course, that would be lovely, what time are you getting in'?

Have not had one straight answer out of her since Sunday. She is due to arrive today - I expected her here by now, as it's not really worth the visit to arrive much past midday - but have heard nothing from her except a text at about 10am saying that her train was delayed.

I have texted her several times (she answer her mobile, not sure why) to ask what time she is getting in, as I have to go and collect her from the station and don't want it to clash with dd's nap, but no answer.

I am so bored at home, I could have been out and about with dd all morning by now but am having to wait in for her visit. And this whole thing was her idea!

I don't think she's doing it on purpose, but I don't understand why I can't just have a straight answer. AIBU? I'm not, am I? Can you all please tell me how unreasonable she is to make me feel better so I don't take it out on DH later?

I would have said what I always tell ds when he's getting a train home &needs a lift from the station:

Phone me when you get on the train.

That's all he has to do. once I know he's set off I can look at the website for live info to tell me when it's expected in.

I think your MIL may not necessarily realise that she's inconveniencing you by not telling you when she's expected in.

When she arrives, I'd mention in a friendly way that you hadn't known whether you could go out or not and next time can she let you know when she's on the train.

Mumblechum - But I thought I had, that's what's so irritating - and because she's coming from so far away she has to get connecting trains, so I wanted to know which ones she was catching so I could figure out in my head when to leave to go pick her up. I have no idea whether she is at her home station, on the train, or waiting for me at our end (though no doubt I'd get a text if that were the case.) I'm sure she doesn't realise she's inconveniencing me as she's not spiteful or malicious or anything, it's just really annoying. I guess I should be glad she's making the effort to see dd?

Really annoying, but if it doesn't happen that often just write it off like whole days wasted waiting for the bloke to come and fix the washing machine or whatever.

YANBU. It's just rather odd.
What's wrong with 'I'm catching the xxx train so should be with at xxx o'clock, I'll let you know en route if there are any problems?'

Anonacfr - exactly. It's so simple. I guess the other posters are right too in that I should just write it off as 'one of those things' but I know if the roles were reversed I would get a lot of looks like this from MIL.
Oh well, these things are sent to try us.

Ooh, update: My DH just rang and said he'd left a slightly arsey message on MIL's phone, two seconds later I got a call (not a text - miracle!) from MIL saying she is on the train (and has been for the past 1hr45mins) and will be getting in in about 20 minutes so I was 'not to panic'. Grrrrrrr. I was not panicking .

YANBU, it was very thoughtless!

but don't be offended by lack of responses once she was travelling, a lot of the time on train journeys I find it hard to get phone reception (but then that is why I always make my journey plans very clear if someone is picking me up at the other end...)

YANBU.
It's thoughtless. It takes no time at all to send a text saying you've caught (or are about to catch) the first train of the connecting series. That way you know she's en route and can plan an approximate time of arrival.

YANBU. The best way to deal with this sort of person IME is to continue with your day as if they're not coming at all, then when they ring and say, 'I'm at the station now, ready to be picked up', you can say, 'Goodness, are you really? I'm just out having lunch with DD and my friend X/playing at the park/browsing in Habitat for a new coffee table, I'll be with you in about an hour - so looking forward to seeing you - mwah'. If they don't give you an ETA, they can't expect you to drop everything and come dashing to the station for them - entirely reasonable to assume that they will give you notice of their arrival IMO, so just carry on as normal.

YANBU - I think it's really quite rude to expect someone to wait around all day for you to arrive. I wonder how she'd like it if you kept her waiting at the station?!

YANBU - it's only good manners to give all the info.

My aunt used to do this. On one occasion, she called me up on a Sunday morning, said she was on a flight about to take off from Nigeria to London and asked me to meet her at the airport and accompany her back to my place I should have told her where to go, but the most I could muster through a rabid hangover was that I couldn't meet her at the airport but would see her once she got here. I had had no idea she was planning on coming in the first place. She claimed she had told me 4 weeks earlier that she was "thinking about coming" - perhaps I should have explained to her that thinking about something was not the same as actually doing it.

Two years later, she tried to pull the same thing. I told her she was banned from my house and could get a hotel

It's very unreasonable! Anyone who expects me to wait in because they cannot make their mind up about the time they wish to arrive is deeply inconsiderate.

Obviously if a train is delayed (or other unforeseen circumstances for which the person concerned is not responsible) that is quite different.

People who think the world revolves around their own personal agenda are one of my particular hates.

My in-laws are the same. It's almost impossible to get a straight answer about not only when they will be arriving but how long they are staying for or indeed how many random family members they will be bringing with them.

YANBU.