Piercings

[newnamenewlife]

My 15 year old lad wants pierced ears (4 in each) and lip(twice called a snake bite). DH and I have said not until he is sixteen. In fact after a long argument (during which we were accused of sexism, being irrational and hypocritical) we told him we would stop his allowance if he had piercings done now. He has threatened (no other word for it!) us that he would do just ears now with our permission or will go the full monty the minute he hits 16. He is a very bright lad and has recently fallen out with group of similar friends and started hanging out with less mainstream kids. I think we are being a bit middle class about this TBH. Are we being unreasonable?

i would let him get his ears done, tell him he has to wait for his lip!
tbh when i was young i had my nose and lip pierced, i dont wear either anymore and the holes are so tiny you would never know - so in that respect its better than a tatoo - at least you can take them out!

TBH if he's determined enough, I'm guessing he'll probably get his lip done at 16 regardless of whether he's already had permission to do his ears now. I agree that at least it's not irreversible like a tattoo, so perhaps it won't hurt to let him "express himself" in this way? Assuming his school won't expel him for it of course!

You have my sympathy though, I would be mortified as I think piercings look bloody awful! But then I'm just an old fart, so what do I know?

I'd probably reluctantly agree to pierced ears, although I'd try to negotiate him down to fewer than four per ear and definitley not those huge hole in the ear type earrings. I'd also tell him it's not sexism - I wouldn't want my DDs to have more than one piercing per ear.

Check the school rules too. DDs school only allow one piercing per ear for boys or girls and they do insist they are removed if someone breaks the rules.

I would let him have his ears done (once/maybe twice) but not the lip.

My step son (almost 17) went out and got a tattoo a few months ago, dh was so . At least ear rings can be taken out.

Sounds revolting!

Is there an age limit for piercings?

I can see why you do not want him to have the piercings, but when you really think about it (unless the school will exclude him of course) it's not long term irreversable damage.

I had my ears pierced lots of times when I was young, including some wierd ones, I had my lip and tongue pierced. The lip piercing looked awful so I took it out and now you can't even see where I had it done. I still have my tongue pierced but rarely wear a bar as it makes me look a bit now I'm no longer a teenager.

I'd try and compromise. Perhaps ears first then lip next year. Or try and at least get him to wait til the summer holidays for his lip piercings then they can heal before he goes back to school.

One thing though. If he is going to do it, try and research and find a proper piercing studio. It makes me cringe when i hear of parents getting their kids ears pierced in places such as Claires accessories. Non-sterile environments, untrained shop assistants shouldn't be piercing young children - not to mention the huge risk of complications when using piercing guns. It should always be done with a needle, no guns. If he does go against your wishes he may find a cheap, backstreet place to do them. So perhaps better than you work with him on this one to come to some sort of argreement and make sure he has it done safely.

So YANBU to be annoyed about the piercings but YAB a little U to think he won't just do it anyway.

Let him do the ears, he'll experience just how much it hurts to have your cartilege[sp?] pierced and he might change his mind about the lip. He might change his mind about his ears after the first one, make sure you get him to have the most painful piercing first.

Make sure it's ok with the school rules though.

Devious?Moi?Tiggaxx

You are all saying much what I was thinking - but I don't want to back down after the argument (DH very anti). What makes it even worse is that he told us he was right and we would work it out! He is one very bright 15 year old!!!!

Will check school policy - oh and college.

Where exactly does he want them done? I will happily talk painful piercing to him.

He should get them done in holidays so they heal properly before school and if he does end up with an infection it's easy to pack him down the GP. I don't recommend getting them done just before exams cos you fiddle with them and then it hurts and you're stuck in an exam hall [voice of bitter experience]

Check the school rules as well. My school were 1 per ear in lower school and 2 per ear in sixth form. One girl had to take her newly done nose piercing out [pain pain pain emoticon] at school.

He won't be able to stretch them for a good while, so chances are that by the time he has huge holes he won't be living at home any more, but I can tell him horror stories about ripping extended lobes in clubs too. Not me, thankfully.

For the record I now have 3 in each lobe and left cartilage. At the height of my piercings I had 6 in one ear, 7 in the other, nose, cheek and a few other part of my body. They do heal!

I have my ears pierced twice and for years only wore one set of earrings.
The other holes did not close over.
I´m talking more than 10yrs!

Personally I think 16 is too young too, I waited until I was 21 to get my piercings mainly to avoid lots of oooooh you'll regret that when you're older comments.

I knew I wanted them so I was prepared to wait, I had my tattoos done even later for them same reason.

I no longer wear my lip piercing (labret) as I practice a martial art and it wouldn't be wise . And ime they do close up, but you will always have a mark/scar.

By 17 i had my tongue, lip, the bridge of my nose between my eyes and a bull ring through my nose as well as my nose pierced normally and my bellybutton,

I would let my kids do the same at that age, no big deal they can come out when hes bored without much scaring.

you can see where i had my piercings if you look carefully but doesnt bother me, Im hoping to get my lip done again after christmas.

I also had 2 tattos and a shaved head by 18, looking back my mum was really cool about it

One or two, not four and no to lips. If he's under your roof????

Can i jump in and say IT IS IRRIVERSABLE.

I had my lip done (as well as 11 other peircings) and you can still see the hole in my lip as clear as if it had just been done (no, i only had it in for half a year and no, it never got infected or irritated or anythinglike that) i am lucky in a way because i have a fat bottom lip that almost fold over the hole and so hides it a little bit. but it is an ugly hole. (it doesnt bother me because it was just a part of my life - my gothy years - but it is still UGLY)

My parents didnt let me but i did it anyway. I was clever and well brought up aswell.

I wouldnt let him because you would be giving in - big mistake. You should know though that he most likely will do it anyway, but at least you wont have given in to him.

that was meant to be IT IS*NT IRRIVERSABLE

yanbu
ds is 17 and has just had his lip and ears dome(he had one ear pierced at about 13 but took it out)
15 is too young for a lip piercing imo.

School policy says one stud in each ear - not sure how much they reinforce this though.

Can't see anything in college stuff.

Tempted to go with ear - no others while 'under my roof' (made me giggle my parents used to say this!).

But, we said no until 16 and don't want to give in.

I think what I am asking is, bow far is it reasonable to impose our ideas on an independent and intelligent 15 year old who is certainly Gillick Competent (and knows it) and would be able to make their own decisions about most medical procedures. It does all feel a little hypocritical, and I am not sure that 'I don't like the look of it' is a good enough reason for saying no.

I had loads in my ears and two in my tongue, but I agreed to no facial piercings and stuck with it. If you make a deal that allows him a certain amount of freedom. eg. whatever he wants in his ears (as long as it fits with school rules) he might be happy to wait for the lip piercings.

PS. I don't think it's advisable to have so many piercings done in a short space of time anyway. Good to allow one or two to heal before getting the next.

It is totally reasonable - you are his mother and lets face it, you are buckling because he is threatening. If he had said ok mum you would have thoguht nothing more of it. Give in now and it will get worse later.

Three at a time to heal properly. I learned that the hard way.

I also had two in my tongue. urgh....

My mum refused to let me have anything done other than my ears (and I pierced about 4 holes on each ear myself).

So at 15 I got my first tattoo. Without parents knowledge. When they found out they went mad, but I didn't care as I had what I wanted.
16 I had my tongue pierced, dentist made me remove and it closed over, so had it re-done at 18.
15 had my navel done. It wasn't straight, so had it re-done at 16.
17 I had second tattoo.
18 third tattoo.

And I was also brought up very well.

All piercings have since been removed and scars are minimal. The worst scars are on the eyebrow IME.

At that age, regardless of what parents say, the teen is likely to do what he/she wants anyway.

DFD recently asked about having her nose done. I told her is wasn't a good idea on her face as it will scar when she removes it. I showed her the mess that has been left on my belly button following children, aging etc. I asked her to go away and think about it and come back and talk to me before she does anything. It seems to have put her off for now. I would be happier to try and delay things until 18 when they will be at college and likely to consider things in more depth.

Before you sit down and talk about it find some pictures on the internet to show him (for disscussion, he should respond better to that than the look how horrible it it approach).

Look for pictures of;
the scars they leave
ones that have been put in wonky
ones where the scar tissue has pushed/started to push the piercing out
ones where the scar tissue has pulled the piercing to a strange shape
one that got infected
etc. etc.

It may not change his mind but at least he will of hopefully explored the issues fully and be prepared for the consequences.

When I had my tummy done, the guy had just finnished doing a lady whose scar tissue had pushed her first one out. It's a freaky thing, basically all the natural scar tissue builds up underneath slowly pushing the ring to the surface of the skin untill the skin gets so thin it rips out!

My fingers are crossed for you.

I had my first Tattoo just before my 15th birthday, my mum let me have the top of my ear done at 13, it was so painful i never had any more piercings after.

I had my Tattoo done behind my mums back, i had discussed it with her but she told me to wait until i was 18, i was shocked that i was not asked for ID.

I had more tattoo's done at age 15, 18 and 21. I don't regret my tattoo's but i wish i had waited until i was old enough and maybe designed my own.

Any way, what i'm trying to say is if you say 'no' he may still go out and get them done behind your back.

Both my tattoos before 18 were designed by myself, the one on my back is the same but my tummy/hip tattoo is totally fucked from having 3 kids and a plauge of stretch marks You cannot see what it is at all.

I still love my tattoos though,

I find it hard to regret any of these things because I was just doing what I wanted at the time.

Im getting a tattoo that covers the whole top part of my foot soon and don't see myself regretting that either.