To ask my mum to turn DD's birthday present into xmas present???

[joster]

DD was 4 a month ago. Due to combination of circumstances, including DD having swine flu, my mum going away, my mum refusing to post ANYTHING for the rest of the year due to two days' of postal strikes (good grief), DD has not yet received the gift from my mum. Mum intending to give it to her next week when they come to visit.

AIBU to think that actually, DD's b'day has now well and truly past, she didn't really notice that she didn't get a gift from my mum and that therefore, it makes sense for DD and mum that the gift now "becomes" a christmas gift??

Have not yet suggested this, but my mum - for whom everything is either BLACK or WHITE and there is absolutely no room for any flexibility on anything - will simply say "I bought it for her birthday, it is therfore her birthday present" and will fail to understand that from my/our point of view, doing birthday again will simply confuse and actually be a total pain in the backside. Added complication is that mum is also in possession of gift for DD from DD's aunty, my sister, who equally will fail to understand my point of view.

I have a constant issue over the amount of gifts/money spent (ie. WAAAAAYYY too much) with my family. What they don't understand is that ok, yes, kids like presents, but what they would actually benefit more from is not "ooo how many presents have you got, you are a photo opportunity for me to shove a camera in your face every five minutes" but more time and effort being spent doing things with them, at their level.

AIBU?!?!?!?!?

Just tell the child that granny couldn't give her her birthday gift on her actual birthday but wanted to save it and give it to her in person, so here you go.

Your child is 4 not totally stupid. Why are you making such a big deal out of this?

Ask her/ them, if they trot out the line you expect them too then just leave it.

Her having a random gift doesn't mean you have to 'do' her whole birthday again!

YANBU re: time and money though.

Pick your battles I think. Shes 4 - she'll understand the concept of a late birthday gift. I don't think its worth making a fuss over.

FWIW FIL has a similar 'presents/photo/in your face/oh why are you crying I'm your grandad, you know me you saw me last Christmas too' approach to the DCs but I don't think I will ever get through to him without totally offending him, and its not worth it.

Given that we live miles from both sets of grandparents my DC have always had late birthday presents. It's not a big deal. In fact, it spreads out the birthday.

It's my mum who is the problem here, not explaining to my daughter.. she will understand for sure but it just seems a nonsense to me for her to get a gift right now, a few weeks before Christmas, when that gift could be saved until an actual "present" time... that's all. Don't want her to expect presents all the time away from birthday and christmas.

YABU your 4 yr will understand that it is a late birthday present, sounds like you are being arkward because you have gripes with your mother/family, it will not benefit your DD to have this gift as a xmas present instead, so dont use it as a reason to get at your family

Just stop thinking about it, it doesn't matter one way or another - let them sort it out between themselves.

YABU. It's a late b/day present, not a Christmas present, your DD will understand that. Why put your Mum's nose out of joint for something that doesn't matter.

It's a gift - it's not yours to control, I'm afraid. I really don't think a 4 year old getting a late birthday present is going to be too much for her to understand - I think maybe you are seizing on this because your mum annoys you in other ways. Your child won't be confused, and it won't make her expect presents every day till christmas - that's just silly, I'm afraid.

No It's for your mum to decide.Your DD is a person in her own right and entitled to a relationship directly with your mother without everything going through you.

I think I can see that I am probably being unreasonable, and picking on the fact that my mum's shallow attitude towards my children (the whole photos/presents thing and actually not being very interested in them as people) is the source of my irritation. It's not my daughter's fault, and yes, on reflection I will leave things as they stand.

However, just so you can perhaps understand why I tried to turn this one against my mum (which is of course what is at the bottom of it), I invited her nearly two months ago to come and see the christmas play at school next week - the only year that both my children will be in the same play. She put the dates in her diary in October. She then phoned me last week to ask which day they could come to the play (it is on two days in a row). At that time, I genuinely did not know which day I would get tickets for so asked her to try and keep both free. She said that she didn't know if she could as she needed to book a hair appointment. All I needed her to do was keep two mornings (until 10.30am) free and she really wasn't sure if she could. Fortunately, as it turns out she can both come to the play AND get her hair done, but it was a close call... I mean not as if she didn't have so much flippin notice?!?!?

Grr. anyway, that's off my chest. thanks for your help.

oh blimey. That is sad if a hair appointment is going to figure as important in relation to her grandchildren's nativity! The superficial attitude you describe I do understand - we have this with relatives on Dh's side; they just can't see DS as a person in his own right, more as an accessory for them, and it is maddening - you are protective and want the best for your child, of course..

Aww, if your DD was suffering with swine flu on her birthday then let her have another day with a couple of presents to make up for it. You sound like you are sensible enough as a mum to have imparted to your DD that things like this are treats and not something that will happen everyday until Christmas. And she won't be spoilt by how much your relatives buy because you are the most important person in her life and you will be the one who shapes her personality in this way, not your relatives.

My DS has had plenty of late birthday presents, in fact, only yesterday he got his 5th bday present from my father and his birthday is October.

From the age of 3 he fully understood it was a/they were late bday present(s) and it actually more exciting for him as it wasn't just another present to open in a pile of others that would get looked at and disregarded for another to open. This is a separate present that will have her full attention!

Let her have both birthday and christmas.

my daughter's birthday was 5 weeks ago and she's just got her's from my sisters as its the first time i've seen them since the summer all mine have always had late birthday/christmas presents as we live 200 miles apart its no big deal.

why does a present have to be given at a specific time? why only christmas/birthdays/easter - surely its nice to be able to give and receive something someone has taken the time to pick out at any time?

YABU

Always best to pick the battles you can win. Anything to do with presents or when they are given, almost always result in one of those conflicts that simply aren't worth the pointless effort.

My ex-ILs (and indeed ex-SIL) refused, no matter how politely the subject was discussed, to let ds2 (birthday on 13th December) have even the smallest and most easily posted of his birthday presents before we arrived to spend Christmas with them on the 24th. Did this matter? Well yes, because nobody ever suggested it might be reasonable to do similarly with ds1's birthday presents and make him wait from June until December. The supreme irony being that ex-BIL's birthday was Christmas Eve and when he was small they'd made huge efforts to make sure he got two separate celebrations!

It doesn't matter a jot when children get older because it's always nice to get a present, regardless of whether it is "on time".

It seems very unkind to try and deny your daughter her birthday present just because you want to punish your own mother though.

Oh gosh it wouldnt be fair on either your mother or your daughter do let the child have both lots of pressies.
My dd wont let me buy a Noddy sit in car for dgs[9 months]because he is too young,will have all his brother's ride toys and there is nowhere to keep it.Honestly I think you young mums spend too much time trying to deny the older generation their retail therapy

I actually think it is better for her to have presents spread out like this as she will get to enjoy each one fully. Rather than loads of stuff on one day that she will be overwhelmed with and not appreciate the value of.

But I do understand, my sis has a house full of crap thoughtful presents from her MIL that she worries will turn DN into a spoilt brat. So YANBU.

crap let's hope DS's MIL is not an mner