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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to expect dh to do more around the house

16 replies

DLI · 24/11/2009 19:23

aghhh, think i need to rant really as it sometimes seems that i am a single parent. DH works five days a week and stays out at work one night. he works about 50 hours a week. i work four days a week (hours reduced due to recession).

his day consists of getting up at 4am to go to work for 5am and finishes any time between 1pm and 4pm. he washes the tea dishes and that is it all week, maybe once a month he might do the ironing.

my day - i get up at 6am, walk dog, washing in the machine, dried clothes in the ironing basket, bed made etc. get ds fed, packed lunch put up,him dressed and off to my mum's before going to work for 9am, i finish at 5pm, come home, walk dog, take washing out machine, bath ds, make tea, walk dog, sometimes ironing, read to ds/homework, unpack shopping, get ds's uniform etc ready for next day and the usual housework that needs to be done. on a weeked i do all the housework and dh either goes to the gym or tries to look like his is busy.

i know he works more hours than me but that's his choice - he doesnt need to work so many hours as we don't need the money , he ends up most weeks wasting any extra left over anyway. BUT surely he could do a little more, even if it is just emptying the machine?

anyone else feel the same about their dh's?

OP posts:
pippa251 · 24/11/2009 19:31

I work shifts at random hours like your DH and they can be really debilitating- he should help more (my DP does the house work and I cook) but I can understand him being knackered.

MadamDeathstare · 24/11/2009 19:40

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DLI · 24/11/2009 19:47

when i am not at work i have ds, (sometimes with dh as well) Dh spends about six to seven hours a week in the gym and recently has announced he is going to do an evening class. i get to go shopping on my own about once a month.

think its just bothering me tonight because i have just had to clean the shower again and i never use the shower! its petty i know but its the little things that add up!

think i am not going to iron his work clothes this weekend so then he has to do them - revenge

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 24/11/2009 19:51

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Firawla · 24/11/2009 19:58

he does the washing up and sometimes ironing, that is more than a lot of men who work long hours. i think that yabu but if you are feeling very affected by him not doing enough try to discuss with him

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 24/11/2009 20:05

Seriously, get a cleaner.

Apart from that, what MadameDeathstare says.

Oh, and, stop doing his ironing or laundry. You are not the housemaid.

cat64 · 24/11/2009 20:10

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MaryMotherOfCheeses · 24/11/2009 20:16

An actual physical list of "things we'd like Daddy to do when he gets the time"

Good lord, does that work? I'd tell you to eff off.

allaboutme · 24/11/2009 20:20

To be blunt - why would he do more when you are doing it all for him??
It sounds like you havent spoken to him about this, but are just hoping that he will offer to do more off his own back.

You need to talk to him. Just calmly say that you think you are doing a bit much at the moment, you are tired and over stretched, please can he take on more of the load to even things up?

Why are you cleaning the shower if you never use it? If DH is the only one to use it then let him clean it!
Ditto ironing his work clothes - can you imagine him getting your work clothes out and ironing them?
Jobs that are clearly his, leave to him. If he doesnt do them well then it doesnt affect you and he will have to learn to do them well.
Everything else - share out moe fairly by asking him to do more, he's not a mind reader!

oldraver · 24/11/2009 20:22

Why are you cleaning a shower you dont use ? surely he should clean it after use if it needs it (if its him using it)

cat64 · 24/11/2009 20:27

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MaryMotherOfCheeses · 24/11/2009 20:35

If its an agreed system and works for you then all well and good. I saw it as a bit more patronising when you first mentioned it.

DLI · 24/11/2009 20:56

thanks all, i have brought it up in the past in "disagreements" and he does do more but then after a while things go back to their old ways. i am doing far too much for him and i think i am going to start and ask him to do something every night even if it is just put the bin out, if he doesnt do it then it doesnt get done! i am sure it won't be long before he is complaining! lol

thanks again

OP posts:
tiredntetchy · 24/11/2009 21:09

I sympathise.

Maybe you could try assigning him some of the chores, tell him straight that you are doing 99% of the household chores and he'll need to pull his weight a bit more, could he do A B and C.

Pick the ones you like least that way it'll feel like he is doing more even if the split is more like 75/25%.

My hubby works full time long hours, i'm sahm to 3 kids under 5. But at my request he still, walks the dogs first thing, feeds the dogs first thing and does the kitchen after tea most nights, after all i cook every night.

Let him know what you want.

weaselbudge · 24/11/2009 21:55

My DH does nothing except some DIY and a bit of joint childcare at weekends. But I am mainly a SAHM and he works very long hours. Instead of helping he pays for a cleaner (2 hours a week but changed my life!)and pays for his shirts to be washed/ironed (£5 per week - again this has changed my life!). Tell your DH that if he doesn't help then you need to agree to pay for a cleaner and maybe some babysitting to give you the odd break. Iagree that you should phrase this as you needing some free time rather than nagging him to do more. Why do men always get to do their hobbies and all the women i know don't!!??

MadamDeathstare · 25/11/2009 22:51

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