to think DH should check in on me during the day?

[mrsbean78]

I am pregnant with our first child, 40 weeks and 6 days. For the last two nights, I have been experiencing latent/early labour - contractions 7-10 minutes apart from pretty much the time I lie down. They've grown gradually more intense but are still very manageable so I reckon it could be a few more days until showdown.

Anyway, I mentioned it to dh but told him it might take a while and not to get too excited. I was up and down a bit last night to try and take the edge off but told him to get his rest as he'd need it. Both mornings I have been asleep and he has headed off to work without waking me to say bye. Fair enough, I can see his reasoning: he wants to let me rest. However, it is annoying me that he knows I was up all night last night and he hasn't called all day today just to say hi and check how I am. I would have expected him to call at lunchtime.

So anyway, I gave him a ring about twenty mins ago and it transpires he's been out to lunch (he works three miles from our house) and didn't call or think it would be nice to drop in and say hi. I realise that this was 'usual practice' a week or so ago but I was still happy to head out myself then, but feel too large and uncomfortable and twingey to do so now. He then tells me he's going to stay in until 6.30 as he didn't wake up this morning so didn't get in until 9.30! He has a flexi-time arrangement that he would happily use if it was to get him out of work to go camping but I feel he is deliberately stringing out being at work at the moment.I don't have friends who don't work and since the due date I've been finding it very lonely and boring at home, which I've mentioned to him. I know how he's feeling, I'd rather be anywhere but here to take my mind off things.. but surely it's not fair for him to put his need to quell his anxiety first?

Sorry! Climbing not camping! Pregnancy brain!

Has he said he's 'quelling his anxiety' by working and not just trying to get as much work done as possible so he can actually spend some time with you and the baby when it gets here?

I will be honest and say that would piss me off too

I'd want a text at least

I remember feeling massively hormonal at that stage though. Anything pissed me off or got the waterworks going

Sympathies from me, being overdue is horrible. Good luck, though... it can't be long now

YANBU

It would be nice of him to check in on you, it's not hard work to do a quick phone call is it? Especially as he knows you are feeling a little isolated at the moment. He probably just hasn't realised.

Good luck with your birth and baby

Laurie, he's literally doing EVERYTHING possible to avoid thinking about the baby coming.. there's still no carseat fitted for example, and he keeps saying that he's going to have a go at assembling the buggy which is in the hall in bits but comes in and then spends the evening on the Xbox. I considered doing it today but I don't think that's the solution. I've been with him for 11 years and I know he's overdoing work more out of avoidance than necessity.. part of that is the fact that he is going in later and coming home later (when we were both at work, he would have gone in for 7.30 and been home at 5 max). I know it too because last week he was full of his own little 'niggles'.. he has a tendency to have a poorly tummy when he's worried or anxious. And also, I wouldn't expect him to check in if I thought he didn't know I was up most of the night having contractions..

YABU but being overdue will do that to the best of people

(and trust me, if you go a few more days overdue you will be taking the phone off the hook to avoid all the people ringing to check up on you)

If he has flexi, get him to store it all up just now for later. Believe me, you'll be happier to see him then.

I think you need to be clear and tell him what you expect and need from him right now. You are going to need your energy, so don't dissipate it in feeling mardy with him and hard done-to. Get on the phone and sort it out. (Meant kindly btw)

X-box ffs- I would take the fuse out of the plug while you've got a chance!

Prosecco, it's not true flexi sadly.. just
within the timeframe of the day.

Is it really unreasonable to expect a phonecall? Even though I was up all night having contractions?

I appreciate I am not the best judge of being rational at the moment, perhaps.. so could someone tell me why it is unreasonable?

YANBU

DH checks on me every day, whether pg or not.

Could you call him? I drove my dh demented by phoning when I was overdue. Sometimes still do and no baby imminent

It's unreasonable because he isat work, presumably trying to organise things so he can safely leave for his paternity leave knowing everything that needs to be done has been done. Presumably you would call him if you needed him? Maybe he thinks you might be asleep after a rough night and doesn't want to disturb you

YANBU and I don't know how anyone here can think YABU! You're 40+6 for Christs sake with a first baby and having contractions! I'd be livid! If ever there was a time for your DH to be checking up on you it's now!

However, I'll give him a little flack because he is obviously anxious about the baby arriving but still, he should be more supportive because at the end of the day it's you who's going to give birth etc. and whatever way you look at it your life will be turned upside down the most (I don't mean to scare you - it's fabulous by the way just a bit crazy the first few weeks). You should tell him how you feel but also tell him at the same time you understand his anxieties.

I'd put my foot down now because he needs to understand that he needs to be supportive...

badietbuddy I didn't mean for him to call me hourly! Just maybe a phonecall at lunchtime.. And as I said, he is heading off for lunch and he is going in late and coming home late.

Tbh I normally find my dh is fantastic and a real rock, always has been during our relationship but I am finding him a little hardgoing at present. He is being hyper-anxious about this baby coming and I am a little bit tired of being the one who reassures him, because I'm not so lacking in anxiety myself! I know it's natural on his part, but God, it's irritating! It's his bloody mother's fault - she thinks it's hilarious to poke fun at how ill-prepared he is about everything, which just seems to make him regress a bit. She is also landing herself on our doorstep in about ten days time for a full FIVE days (she said to dh 'I am coming whether you invite me or not!' and booked flights without ever even asking me was it okay!). I know he's secretly thrilled because he keeps moaning at me about how he doesn't think we should have to do it all on our own.. he has some idea that his mummy will come and make it all okay to have a tiny baby in the house. I can see his point, but this is the most morbid woman in the world - who once said to me I HAD to have three children 'because that way if one of them dies, the other two will have eachother' and who installed a carbon monoxide alarm in every room in our home without asking! She also saw what car seat we'd bought and purchased an alternative one because she didn't think it was safe enough. She sees potential death and destruction lurking around every corner, especially for babies, and has transferred this to him (while also telling him how useless he will be). All of this is making him pretty much more useless than he has ever been.. he's not normally like some sort of overgrown teen but he has been recently!

Anyway, just letting off steam. I have a lot of empathy for him really.. and I don't want to get on his case and tell him how he's useless for not calling.. I just would appreciate a call at lunchtime!

Oooh I'm all angry at those you said you YABU for simply expecting a phone call after a night of contractions! Can we not expect anything of our DH's?

Oh dear - you're MIL is not going to be good for you with a new baby because new parents are generally terrified of everything anyway - the last thing you need is someone else making it worse with comments. Try to ignore her as best as you can. Hopefully you'll have some time to get used to your new bundle of joy before she arrives.

Oooooh, I will be expecting a few threads about her in the months to come- blimey, what a loon!

You are expecting someone to be a mind reader - talk and communicate about what you would like form dh, it is much easier that way.

Or you could send him a text every hour or so just to let him know you are ok - then if you don't text hope he is a mind reader and knows what is happening

Maybe he neeeds you to be his rock as he is nervous about all this so dealing with it in a very different way from you - ask just incase? Men get funny nearing childbirth for their partner - they worry in different ways

I would appreciate a call at lunchtime and I'm not pregnant!!

Good luck when the time comes!

Ivykaty44, you are assuming I want him to be a mindreader! We do talk a lot, but as I was asleep I wasn't really in a position to tell him to call me at lunchtime Also, sometimes it does take the good out of things if you have to tell your partner every little thing you would like them to do.. (like call you if you have been up all night contracting! it never really came up before, as I haven't been in this position before!) It would be exhausting, too! It's a bit like in Friends when Chandler and Monica have their first fight, and Chandler asks Monica to tell him how to make up with her and she says she's feeling tired of being his relationship tutor.. yes, he needs me to be the rock right now, and I have empathy for that, but I get tired of it. I spend my life telling him we will be fine, we will be good parents, he will brilliant at supporting me in labour, our car seat is fine, his job is fine, our house is fine.. He thinks that I am the strong one when it comes to this baby stuff, but he forgets I'm as scared as anyone when it comes to pushing out this little sweetheart! I don't want to go on at him about it because, as I said, I think his mother has a lot to answer for in how inadequate she has made him feel.. but I do wish it didn't all have to be allowances and understanding on my part and long lunches and staying late at work on his!

I am sorry but I couldn't understand a lot of your post.

Just tell him you would appreciate it if he called you in the day sometimes.

FabIsNotFab
RE: I am sorry but I couldn't understand a lot of your post

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