To not want to go to a meeting that starts at 5pm on 24th December?

[dilemma456]

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Hes being very very unreasonable. Anyone with kids or some semblance of a life is not going to be happy doing some wanky personal review type thing late on a Christmas Eve. Its not as if it some major meeting, and is usually the type of thing that can wait.

With the background, it sounds like hes setting you up, so you say no, and look bad. Id get everything from him in black and white, as it smacks of edging toward bullying.

Just say you havent got childcare available for that time on a Christmas Eve, and need to be out of the office on time. And get it down in writing, as if hes arsey about it you've got him by the balls re discriminating against women with children blah blah. Good luck, he sounds like a wanker, and you are firmly in the right

beyond unreasonable and completely daft.

I think I agree with the person who said to query it in person with him preferably with someone else to witness.

Personally I would make it sound like he didn't realise the date rather than a deliberate wind up (which it does sound like it could be) and try and be bright and breezy about it - suggest another date after 4th Jan.

and keep a record of it too.

Start documenting everything and keep paper copies of emails at home.

yes - the others are right - your objective is be as 'reasonable' as possible, thus highlighting how unreasonable he is being.

However much it is p*ssing you off, try not to let him see that you are irritated by his request.

It IS bullying at the end of the day.

Are you absolutely sure it's not a msitake though? Perhaps he's told a PA 'I have to do this before the end of the year' and s/he has 'found' the only available slot? My (dizzy) PA used to invite people to meetings on a Sunday and then said "Oh, but it was the only day that looked free in your diary...."

I don;t think I would mention childcare at all. It's an unreasonable expectation for ANY member of staff - parent or not.

The childcare thing might rile him more (if that's his bugbear).

I would just say sorry I can't make it then, give no reason (the reason is obvious to any normal person) and suggest an alternative as near as possible to this date.

Dilemma, I have this vague memory that you and I have smilar bosses from similar threads (so much so in fact taht I admit, I just sneakily checked my boss's diary to see if he had booked anything in for that time on Christmas Eve with anyone in case you are someone on my team! ).

This is entirely unreasonable. However, I would be very clear that it is unreasonable not because of childcare, but because of common human decency. I would definitely flag it in your personal log book as a request that was done as a bullying tactic, and not as being unparent friendly. No one in my team has children AND I work in the kind of environment where those who are here on Christmas Eve will not be leaving particularly early and will most likely be here until at least about 5 (as opposed to normal departure time of 6:30) but even in my world, this would be considered unreasonable.

What is your normal work day? If you are normally at work until 5:30, I'd simply say, "I'm sorry, that time doesn't work for me because on Christmas eve I do very much want to leave exactly on time. Can we please do it atXXX time". Otherwise, I'd suggest sending a note saying that you feel it would be hard for both of you to pay attention so close to the holidays and could you please do it earlier.

On the off chance he's not a complete twunt, I know, it's unlikely - also maybe check he didn't just accidentally send you the wrong date?

I remember your other thread. What did you do about the training course in the end?

I've long since realised that you have to think like a man to cope as a working mum. Men never explain and never apologise. A man would say simply say that the appointment is not convenient but not say why. You could try that. I would also make HR aware as it is unreasonable to expect you to stay beyond your normal hours for a performance review.

He sounds like a real twat.

Perhaps he is the anti Christ?

I mean he might hate Christmas.

what a complete knobhead
he obviously is not going to enjoy christmas, so he wants to make everybody as miserable as him

The way I see it is that irrespective if you are a parent or not, a meeting at 5pm on Xmas Eve is unreasonable.

I would politely try to reschedule the meeting, without mentioning the DC. They are (for this moment) irrelevant and he will only use as as ammo against you. 'Ah, yes. Mrs Dilemma, you often have issues with childcare, don't you?'

It is madness to think that anyone would be happy with a meeting at this time of day.

All good points about it not being a childcare issue but a human being issue!

I do really recommend the book 'Hardball for Women' by Pat Heim. Think it's out of print but you may be able to buy a secondhand copy on Amazon or similar. Also 'Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office', can't remember the author. Both are about behaving more like a man at work and not making certain 'mistakes' that women often make that give others the opportunity to treat them badly. Mine was trying to avoid spending even small amounts, to look like a better budget keeper, when a man would have said 'I need X pounds to get this done' and been respected for it rather than scrimping and saving.

I don't intend the above to mean there's something wrong with you - it's definitely him! - but the books might give you some good strategies for dealing with this particular variety of awkward cuss.

He sounds like a total wanker, and is obviously trying to make a point and show you up as being irresponsible/undedicated/lazy.....which you are NOT! Nobody would want to meet then, I wouldn't even dream of doing the same thing in work, and it is quite obviously bullying.
Try to remain calm, and ask if it is possible to re-schedule to a more convenient time.

Simply reply, saying "Dear x, unfortunately a meeting at 5.00pm will only give us half an hour to complete my review, and I feel that is insufficient time, as there are a number of issues that I wish to explore with you. I feel that my review deserves more than half an hour.

Could I suggest that we have it on (insert date and time), as we will then have a clear hour/two hours/half day (delete as applicable!) to do full justice to the review?"

Take the initiative, be reasonable about it and don't, whatever you do,mention childcare.

please use E45s suggestion.

All of the above but the thing that shouted at me was the timing of a "personal review". If he is the bullying type, he has issues over your childcare arrangements etc - sounds to me like he could well be about to give a less than favourable personal review and it is timed to make your Xmas as miserable as possible.

Certainly try to counter with an alternative time/date - Xmas Eve work is usually quite hectic trying to clear the decks before a few days out of the office - and if poss, make it for one of the first days back in the New Year, which are notoriously quiet.

Good luck!

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Yes yes yes. But make the times/dates after New Year!

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Good email. And don't let old Ebeneezer spoil your Christmas.

And don't forget to report back!

Just tell him you don't think Christmas Eve is an appropriate day for a development review (I think everyone here agrees it isn't) and it would be much more effective in the New Year when you are both fresh from the holidays and thinking about next year.

No - not AFTER christmas.

1. it will hang over you
2. it looks like you're trying to avoid it. Just a date that is sooner than the one he did.

Just when you think you've heard about the shitest, most hard-nosed boss ever (and I worked for a real piece of work a few years ago), someone comes along to trump them all - what a complete wanker. I'm just gobsmacked.

Does the boss have a boss? I did read your other thread re the early childcare - this is really starting to sound like workplace bullying/harrassment at this stage.

even when i worked for jehovas witnesses (who don't celebrate xmas) they let staff finish a bit earlier on christmas eve, or the last working day before christmas. your boss is being very mean.
hope he doesn't kick up a fuss when you respond. good luck!

Suggest days/times before and after Xmas and you have made it easier for him to be flexible.