to think that if we made present giving illegal at christmas, weddings, birthdays etc the world would be a much better place.

[LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune]

I don't see the point in present giving, what actually does it achieve?

None of those occasions I have listed (and I am sure there are many more) actually need gift giving as such a big part, think about how many "is it ok to ask for money", "my MIL wants to buy my DS X,Y,Z without consulting me", "why is my DH so crap at buying presents" threads we would not have to endure.
How much money we would save not buying gifts that people don't really want anyway (that we could then spend on booze, chocolate, biscuits, expensive handbags). How much stress would be saved not having to brave the shops at Christmas for tat the little --brats- darlings will break in 2 weeks anyway.
How many fewer adverts advertising rubbish there would be.
No dithering about whether we should go to a wedding or not as we can't afford anything on the wedding list, despite the fact getting married is not about the presents (it might take a hammer to drill that into some Bridezillas heads)

BAN PRESENTS. That's what I say.

lol i can see both sides, i love giving gifts to those i love, ive spent ages getting the perfect gifts for my dh, children and family, yes ive had a moan about what he's buying me as ive sneaked a peek but tbh as the saying goes its the thought that counts

I was thinking the same thing only yesterday. Yes, yes Christmas is all very nice but the actual 'spirit' of it gets more lost every year. It's all driven by consumerism. There's always an excuse to go shopping. I've realised this more since I've lost my job and have no money for said shopping!

I love Christmas, but my MIL's attitude to present-giving drives me to distraction. She goes completely OTT on the present front, my 7-yr-old is met with a pile about two foot deep and high of presents with the result that it takes nearly two days to open them all and she's ripping paper off and discarding presents at the end.
This year it's a particular problem because both me and DH have been made redundant, so money's v. tight. I asked DH to speak to his mum about reining it in, so we didn't look like utter scrooges by comparison, but apparently there was muttering and it looks like normal service as usual this Xmas. AIBU to ask her to change her Xmas habits if she's having us for Xmas?

you can love Christmas but hate christmas presents.

As for your dilemma kittykitty I would personally let your MIL do what she likes, in fact if possible give her a list with things on it that you want your DD to have which means you don't have to fork out. Even better nick one of your MIL presents and put a tag from you on it and then you save even more money to spend on booze/chocolate/sex toys. Who cares if your 7 yr old thinks that you are scrooge, by Jan 2nd she will have forgotten all about it and hate you for another reason because she is 7 and that's what happens.

but those of us who actually enjoy buying presents? who see it as a useful way to kit young nieces and nephews out for life? who appreciate Christmas because we don't buy many things in our everyday lives, so it's nice to have our needs seen to? the ones who just find everyday ordinary objects like socks and gloves are much more fun when they're wrapped up in Christmas paper?

I have kept off buying a new nightie all year (the one I have is the one I bought at the NCT second-hand sale to give birth to ds in 9 years ago; it wasn't in very good shape then)- because I'm going to appreciate it so much more if it's a present. Really. Some of us just work that way.

I buy presents for a large extended family, but very rarely spend over a tenner on each. We don't notice costs anyway. But I do enjoy it when I find just the book on Amazon that I know my mother would enjoy, or some helpful little gadget in the disabled shop that might make MIL's life easier. Or get my younger nephews something that my own (slightly older) children used to enjoy.

For my own dcs I tend to get DVDs or books that we will all enjoy together during the year- so it's anticipation of good family times.

Can we be allowed to still enjoy ourselves if we don't start any grumbling threads in AIBU.

I see very little to grumble about about Christmas in my own case. I like the food, I like the singing, I like the party games, I like my extended family, I think buying toys for my nephews is far more fun than buying handbags for me.

Nah kitty.. I'm not with you on this one. I love buying presents, the only trouble is my two DS are so hard to buy for. I kep asking them what they want and they say they're not bothered whatever I decide. So it's a track day for DS1 (13) and a new PSP for DS (10).

I love buying for my friends and keep a look out all year for something that is just 'them' rather than rush out and be a stressed. I usualy have friends round about a week or so before Christmas for tea evening meal and swop presents. I'm really pleased with my self this year as I have got one friend an Indoor Ice climbing day which we will both do and another friend has just moved so I've got something nice for her.

I love going to see mum, dad nan and grandad the weekend before Christmas to spend the day and present swop.
My Dh spends all year making sure we are ok and making a fuss of me and DS and even on Christmas day he insists on cooking the meal so I love to get him somethings that he would never treat himself to but secretly wants.
I love present buying and hoard stuff in the wardrobe from January onwards!!!

You're like my Mum upahill: she even starts storing things like candles and loo roll nearly a year in advance . I think partly because she has to watch her budget as a pensioner, partly because she misses us a lot (we live abroad), so it's a way of bringing our reunion closer.

YABVU. There is joy in giving, and in marking special events. People also need to learn how to receive - sometimes the ingratitude and lack of consideration for the giver's efforts are ming-boggling!

Perhaps if gift-giving was slightly de-emphasised, there would be less pressure, less disappointment, less angst. Party bags are a perfect example. Sometimes they ask for a party bag on their way out - that IMO is why gift-giving should be slightly de-emphasised. We don't give them. The children have had a lovely time, that's what it's about. But to ban gifts entirely? Definitely not!

I wonder when you get those threads about gift-giving etc, if it isn't more that present-giving occasions highlight any weaknesses a relationship may already have.

People who resent having to give presents, or don't think their own presents are good enough, or worry about whether somebody else is getting more than them, usually have their doubts about the relationship in general.

YABU. I love buying and choosing presents for people. It's what I look forward to the most, seeing them open their gifts at xmas. I am really not bothered about getting stuff myself but love spending time choosing things for others.

Noooooooooo YABU I am having fun planning Christmas presents for people I love.

YABVU. I love to give gifts that I've carefully selected.Receiving gifts is nice too of course but I find the former to be more fun.

You are probably right ,but could we postpone it till after the new year ,because i really need some new wellies before i get trench foot

YANBU [bah humbug]

I love buying presents for children. I've had a fab time this last week buying things for my nieces and DD's Christmas and Jan birthday. Adults isn't so much fun unless you have got them a genuine surprise.

but i am not just talking about Christmas (i LOVE christmas) and you can mark a special event in lots of ways without giving a gift.

I agree with Rockbird to an extent that giving presents to children is much more exciting (apart from the party bag ritual also mentioned which is just ridiculous overkill).

I'd like to whole heartedly agree with you, except......... I love to buy presents for people I want to buy for, it's the other people dp's family that give us tat gifts that we don't need want and not thoughtful but given because "oh mr and mrs radstar had better have something". I hate the associated stress, my blood pressure is rising as I type having been through this argument with him yesterday, for all the examples quoted by the op! I wish i was like dp he just says stuff them!

For years I kept up a Christmas charade in front of my kids - I'd buy myself something, wrap it up, label it from my (now ex-)husband, stick it under the tree and thank him for it on Christmas Day.

Now I'm with a new partner and we've basically agreed we won't be buying for each other because we can't afford to.

I am a little bit envious of female members of my family, whose husbands buy them all sorts of goodies that they've put time and thought into buying as a surprise, but I gave up on Christmas as a time for receiving gifts a long time ago. I buy one present each for my children and stuff for nieces and nephews which I never see them open so have no idea whether it's been binned or broken by the end of the day, so yes, I'd happily ban the whole bloody present-giving ritual.

OK I am Scrooge on this one. Love buying presents for DH and my mum as I know what they like. Likewise they are able to get me presents I like.

Opening presents from extended family however makes me a bit depressed as there are usually about 3 misses to every hit, e.g. I got 3 winter scarves last year, none of which is as nice as the one I already have and continue to wear every day. Now I don't ascribe this to lack of effort or care on their part, just that I think it's really difficult to get presents right when you don't spend a lot of time with someone to pick up on the clues. So I can only assume that a lot of the presents I give them also go straight to the back of the cupboard.

I wish Christmas could just be about spending time with people! Except presents for children of course - I loved opening presents so much when I was little.

It's bound to depend on what the whole of your Christmas is like anyway. We travel across the North Sea to meet my extended family, so once we're there, they have no alternative but to spend time with us: can't get rid of us until after New Year.

Which gives plenty of time to see nephews not only unpacking, but actually playing with their presents. And they'll get to see me wearing the socks. The one that scares me is my Dad though: he has usually read his present by New Year's Eve and wants to discuss it.

Ooooh, this touches a nerve!!
I love buying presents, except for my twin. She is a total pita to buy for and famously ungrateful.
Twas our 30th this year, was totally stumped as what to get her as I wanted it to be something special.
Apart from being fussy she is also minted (in comparison to me anyway) and lives in a posh designer clad pad which I have never been to so even if I could afford things she liked I have little knowledge to her taste.
Anyway, she had mentioned a few weeks prior to bday that she needed recent pics of people so I found a lovely pic of DS and had it blown up to 12x12 for her from him.
She texted me to say actually, yes she had recieved it but she doesn't have room to put it on the wall. I (hurt) said well don't leave it in it's tube gathering dust, send it back to me and I'll get you something else. Honestly thought she would say she'd find somewhere, a shelf or something, but no, she replied 'will bring it with me at Christmas'.
I ordered her 2 Vera Wang crystal champagne flutes in a moment of (I thought) inspiration. They have yet to be delivered unfortunately which I am quite cross about, but not as cross as she is - she's had a crap birthday apparently.
I dread them arriving in a way because I pretty much know they won't live up to her expectations.
sorry. Rant over!!

I havent read the whole thread but what I really do think should be made illegal is this obcession with sending packages of crap, by air, from one side of the world to the other at Christmas in the name of 'Christmas Presents'. I dread to think of the carbon footprint. I really cannot see the point of sending tea towels or calendars!!!!! to Australia etc.