To not want to stay over night at ILs on Christmas..

[PrammyMammy]

I might be but here are my reasons against it -
We live 30odd miles away from them and do not drive. A taxi on a normal day costs £60 and there is no public transport on Christmas day. IL's will be drinking so can't drive us.
There is no beds for us there and we have 2 dc.
Our dd will have just turned 3 months on the 20th Dec.
We have a dog, who also has nowhere to sleep.
DPs cousin and her young family will be there - they hate dogs and shoo ours away and get the hand gel out if she dares sniff their pfb.
Our dd will only be 3 months and i would like to spend our first christmas together in our own home, not all day, i don't mind dinner, but this visit will last all day and night.
We have a 2 year old, who will get to open his toys in the am and then not get to play with them until the next day.
We can not affort that £60 (or more as that is what it is on normal days) at christmas.
DP is working on boxing day so we would need to get home before 9am, and there is no transport on boxing day, so if mil was still rough we would need a taxi.
MIL and i don't see eye to eye for various reasons and i can't think of anything worse than spending time with her drunk while looking after a 2 year old and trying to bf a 3 month old in a house that i need to leave the room to do so.

And reasons for it.

DP wants to spend christmas with his family.
We ate dinner at my parents last year. (they ran us home and we didn't stay over)
His uncle died in January so it will be his aunts first year without her dh and his mums first year without her db.
They want all the family to be there.
I would like dc's to see their gp's at Christmas (both sets)

I have tried to explain that if we could have dinner and come home i wouldn't mind BUT i dont want to be sleeping on matress on the floor. I don't want to leave the room to feet dd. But DP doesn't mind any of this and says we can spare the taxi fare as it is important to him to be with his family at christmas.
Am i being selfish, should i just suck it up and go?

It's usually double time on Xmas day though isn't it?

So you're looking at £240.00!

(both ways obv)

Damn my stupid fingers.

Yes I missed that bit about the cost - I bet you will be paying a hell of a lot more than £60. Unfortunately that may mean they have more ammunition for you staying over. If that happens I would develop severe back pain a few days before Christmas and say there is no way I could stay over unless I had a bed. If they don't offer you a bed you have a very good reason not to go then!

When we had kids we stopped the taking turns thing and started having xmas at home, although initially one of us was often working xmas day anyway.
I don't get the uncle dying thing. When my mum died we had a different sort of xmas for my dad so he couldn't compare it with previous xmases with mum, although obviously we all still missed her.
Using your dead uncle as a reason why they can't come to yours sounds manipulative and odd.
I wouldn't go to be honest it sounds way too much hassle. Sounds like you need to convince your husband the 3 of you can have a nice xmas on your own though. Visiting them all a few days later when buses running sounds more sensible.

Two weeks.. ahh, i wish you good luck.

Yeah i suggested a christmas eve visit too, but no, my dp says i just want my own way, but can't see where i am coming with when i mention the uncle dying sounding like blackmail.

I am not sure what the rates are at christmas, but i know it will be more than the normal rate. Any one with a taxi driver in their family who can confirm that? I thought it would be time and a half. Still too much money. IL's like a drink, a big drink, and the don't need occasions as an excuse, so there is no way of getting a lift.

I will call about and get some quotes for the journey, but if it is anything like £240, or even £200, i think i will need to take my 'selfish dil' tag.

But surely the 'uncle' bit is for your DP's benefit rather than the ILs. It seems to me that he wants to be there. And I think that you are going to have to suck it up for this year if the taxi option or a lift after lunch really isn't doable.

But to me it all seems quite an inconvenience to the OP.

If the ILs want OP & family there so badly, you´d think they could forgo a drink to collect & return tbh.

Or offer something towards the taxi.

Oh yes agree that ILs should stay sober and drive you all home.

Everyone else is being unreasonable except you. You have a young baby and a toddler, no transport and your own family to see - blimey, it'll be a total hassle for you. If you can't stay at home for christmas with a 3 month old and a 2 yr old when can you!? Your DP needs a serious talking to, he should be supporting you and telling his family to back off. You sound very considerate and I bet you end out going to please others, I did that last year and am still expected to tow the line this year but have finally managed to put my foot down. Good luck, be firm.

MIL has offered to pick us up and take us there but not home, so we will book a taxi for 8 o'clock. I called our local taxi firm yesterday and am waiting on a call back from a driver with prices. That sounds like a reasonable compromise yes? Means we don't need to drag pj's, clothes, travel cot, dog and who knows what else lol, and we only need to pay one taxi fair, so not so bad! And mil offered dp money towards the fair 'instead of a christmas gift' (is that normal?) But he said no thanks anyway.
So leaving here at 3 and leaving there at 8.

I think you're an absolute star for even considering it. It sounds too grim for words. And I just wouldn't be going, personally, if one of the in laws can't even be bothered to not drink for the day meaning that they will be putting you to all that cost for a taxi.

They're your dp's family so I guess he is not used to any better treatment than that - but it is awful of them imo. It's not you being selfish, it's them for goodness sake!

I'd be really cross if my DH tried to make ME out the baddie in that scenario - is your dp saying you 'just want your own way' still?

I think that is a good compromise (providing the taxi fare is not extortionate). If the taxi is more than you can reasonable afford I would accept MIL's offer to contribute towards it...

if you can afford a taxi and your DH says you can then you should go IMO.

Depending on the gift she might buy,taxi fare might be preferable

I suppose it´s as good as you´re going to get from them & much better than staying the night.

Still that they put drinking above family!

are they expecting 3 of you to sleep on a single mattress in someone else's bedroom?

Stealth.. there are 4 of us! lol Ds would be in travel cot and dd would be in a moses basket. But yes it is a single mattress.. in a teenagers bedroom.
But we won't be staying, not a chance, we will get a taxi at 8, no matter how unreasonable it makes me look, and it will be me that looks unreasonable because dp still acts like a child obeying their demands.

yes, i'd seen you were taking the travel cot but didn't see the moses basket bit, sorry

lol i didn't mention it, i forgot all about it till you said eep.