To have been angry with this bloke last night....

[Nancy66]

Coming home from dinner with a girlfriend, it was 11pm and I decided to walk the 10 minutes from the tube station to our house. Usually I'd get a mini cab but the queue was huge so I chose to walk instead.

After a few minutes i hear somebody behind me and turn to look and it's a guy by himself. I speed up but he appears to speed up too.

So for about five minutes he was just walking on my shoulder. And it's not just this guy, so many men seem to be totally clueless on this issue. Doesn't it occur to them that a lone woman at night might not want a strange man breathing down her neck and, perhaps, they should do the decent thing and overtake or cross the road?

Anyhow, in the end I stopped and said to him: "can you just pass me please because you're making me feel uncomfortable." To his credit he apologised but it's a bit worrying that it never even occured to him that he might be acting inappropriately. Or am I the one that's out of order because I'm projecting my fears onto an innocent guy?

i don't think you were, fwiw i would have been concerned as well especially when he appeared to speed up as well.

how you feeling now?xx

I am not sure if yabu or not but I always cross the street raher than follow a lone woman! I expect someone to feel uncomfortable being followed in the dark, but then that may be because I am a woman so I can see it from the other side IYSWIM?

maybe he saw you were on your own and kept pace to (using some funny twisted logic) make you feel less alone ?

ok

I'll get me coat

Have you had bad experiences in the past OP?

He was probably just walking along, lost in his own thoughts tbh. Or possibly plugged in to an iPod. Not everyone is that observant.

yes, I have been mugged before. To be honest I never felt this guy was going to attack me, it was more the fact I felt uneasy walking along with a man behind me close enough to hear his breathing! And the fact that he seemed so unaware that he might be freaking me out.

I got home and told DP and he said: 'so why didn't you cross over?' which i could/should have done I suppose.

I would imagine he was either "kinda keeping you company" as AF suggested, or lost in his own world as CHNL said. To be honest I don't think this has ever occurred to me, and I have never heard any of my friends mention it as a worry. Perhaps it depends on whereabouts you live.

I can't help feeling you took a huge risk saying that to him if he had have been bad one but yanbu.

Always cross over if anything like this happens.

I don't think Y were BU, but I think you were probably a bit foolish to tackle him directly.

Glad you are safe though.

FWIW by turning to him and making eye contact with him you did exactly the right thing IMO. If you walk around with your head down acting like a victim you are an easier target.

Being mugged must have had a major impact on you and effected your confidence so you should give yourself a huge pat on the back for keeping calm.

He was probably being male and quite unaware of the impact of his presence.

Do you get paniky a lot when in this situation? (which is totally justifiable due to your experience)

YANBU
Men should be made aware of this. I remember the Suzy Lamplugh trust talking to all of us at school and they tackled ways for boys/men to make women feel safer when walking alone.

What is almost worse is the drunk men who try to be 'friendly' and walk along beside you, trying to start a conversation. That's often scary and intimidating, especially at night.

I wonder if anyone with a DH/dp might care to ask them not to 'follow' women like this - it's quite unnerving if you are aware of potential risks, as many of us are.

If everyone tells their DH not to do it that's a few fewer men going to get into a situation such as OP describes.

I'm also wondering if possibly, just possibly, he was considering doing something and was so surprised that you turned round and confronted him that it put him off.

Awful thought but you just never know.

I would have just 'pulled over' and waited for him to pass, rather than saying anything. You never know - even if he hadn't had any bad intentions, you challenging someone could have triggered something if they were that way inclined, IYSWIM. (Not this guy, but someone less stable perhaps).

Agree it is annoying though.