To think that really friend should not have adopted

[eggshells]

I promise I am not a troll....

Over the last few weeks I have tried to distance myself from someone who was once a very good friend.. about 3 years ago she adopted a little boy, I was her nominated reference.

From the moment he arrived I felt things wernt right, she snapped at him and blamed him for various failures within the family. She has an older boy and had really wanted to adopt a girl but i think she paniced and just adopted the first child that SS put infront of her. he is such a sweet little boy, he has problems to do with his upbringing pre adoption but i felt that no allowance was being made for this and everything was being blamed on him...I tried several times to talk to my friend and find out how she was feeling, a few time she felt like she had made a terrible mistake.

As time went on I have distanced myself from her because I am afraid that I am going to say the wrong thing and I cant sit in the same room as her, she yells in his face, she sends him to his room to go away from her, there is no physical abuse but tbh i think this is bad enough if not worse!!!

I know I have no idea and Im not there 24/7 and my friend is my friend and I should have sympathy with her situation...but im afraid my loyalties lie with this little boy...Im cracking up. A mutual friend came to me yesterday and spoke of a recent incident she had talked about which I am so worried about.

My instincts are to walk in and warn her to pack it in, she is absolutely disgusting me with her behaviour, I dont think I am over reacting and I think my instincts are bang on.

i have trouble over this since I was told this incident yesterday..someone please tell me what to do, ask some more questions as this I could write and write about how I feel but I want to know what somone elses take is on this....tbh I couldnt care less at the moment about upsetting my friend, like i say my priority is this little boy whose life is being made hell!!!!

Could you call the adoption support service and express your concerns? As someone who recommended her for adoption I would have thought that you would want to do what is best for the child.

She might not think she is doing anything wrong and therefore may be unlikely to call for support.

I think somebody mentioned attachment disorder.
Many children who are adopted will have attachment issues, even if the adoption takes place when they are very young!
As another poster mentioned, this child may behave very differently when you are not around, and your friend may be really struggling to cope.
A child who is not adopted will never be as challenging as one who is and parenting an adopted child will give rise to particular difficulties, that a non adoptive child may never face.
I too was a referee for a DF many years ago, and so have some understanding of the topic being discussed.
I think you a being quite judgemental. Why dont you try to help your friend instead of attacking her?

Curryfreak..I am being judgemental I know, and I really think I am justified.

She really should be the adult in this and live up to her responsibilities, and really I have bee nther an awful lot for he, like i said, I could go on and on, this situation started 3 years ago so it isnt like Ive sttod by and not helped and am dishing our criticism....I have helped and helped but I am out of my depth with this and am looking for advice.

If you feel that this boy is being emotionally abused then you have a duty to contact SS. I am always shocked about the reluctance on MN to report for fear of reprisals. The ONLY person who matters is the child.

i think whatever you do, you must do SOMETHING. please dont ignore this.

look at what options youve got, and go for the best one, but you really really have to do something and not to simply ignore this.

Not really understanding this.Is this the only incident ?If my Dc that age spat at the TV screen and smeared it about , I would shout at them and send them to their room.