To feel a bit upset with my Dad

[Mishy1234]

OK, so a bit of background...

My parents split when I was 16 and my Dad met someone about 4 years later and they've been happily together and married for about 20 years.

Since I moved out to go to uni I've never been invited 'home' for Christmas day. My Dad's excuse is that they always go to his wife's Mums for Christmas which is fair enough. I have said in the past that I'd really like to have a Christmas day with my Dad and if he ever was at home on the day it would be great to get together. I've offered to help etc.

Anyway, I called him last night and tried to make arrangements to see him over the Christmas period (not mentioning Christmas day as I assumed they would be going to his MIL's as usual). Anyway, he casually mentioned that they were having his wife's whole family over for Christmas (9 in total, including their niece). No mention or invitation to me or his Grandchild (who he hasn't see for months).

I just feel quite upset about it tbh, that he hasn't even considered his 'old' family at all, despite me asking about it in the past. Before anyone says that I should invite him to my house, I already have in the past and he's refused saying he's going to his MIL's.

AIBU to feel upset and what do I have to do to spend Christmas day with my Dad?

YANBU to feel upset.

Could you tell him you'd like to come too, or do you feel you need to be invited?

Can you tell him you feel overlooked and left out?

YANBU - some men live in their own little world!

FWIW my dad has a new wife and didn't even tell me he got married !?! He has never seen my DD or DP and I send cards as he is never in when I visit. I've just figured out that that is the relationship he is confortable with and as long as he knows I love him and he is always welcome that's all I can do.

I have stopped worrying about the realtionship and have come to peace with it. Don't let him spoil your christmas and don't see it as rejection. I think maybe with dad's its easier to walk away than mums.

pippa- your Dad sounds just like mine, in fact my Dad got married without telling me too and I found out by accident years after the event! I do think it's just that he's thoughtless and there's no malice involved.

MaMight- I could mention it, but tbh I'd feel a bit embarrassed and I'm sure he'd just say I was being stupid.

YANBU, but after 20 years of not seeing him at christmas is sounds like a situation you're just going to have to accept. He is obviously comfortable in teh relationship he's got with you and it's likely to stay that way.

YANBU -but I agree with Plumm. After 20yrs I doubt whether he will change, so it will cause you less grief to accept that that is the way he is.

Mine's the same, his wife had a faked 'hump' at something my sister said in 1997... have not been invited to the house since.... Now he's post rationalising and making up excuses.. whatever... Men are weak, thehy don't rock the boat.

On the bright side tho, at least I don't have to be polite to that dreadful woman.