To have lost faith in the police....

[mrsmousemat]

Weird 23 year old man on line in a chat room to my 12 year old child... and, it transpires five other girls.

It was frightening to read.

And much like watching a tiger in the grass get ready to pounce, when watching a gazelle.

And no - I'm not a prude. It was the real stuff.. Shall I sleep with you tonight? and much, much worse.

We told two of the parents of the girls- who passed the bad news on to some of the others.

One parent banned the child from her computer for a year... one insisted on taking the child to school, as he'd wheedled the names and addresses out of them.

So since my opinion of this man was backed up by one of the parents - an ex-policeman, I decided to contact the police to try and safeguard the girls in case any of them met up with him. One had said she might.

Their response?

They didn't even want to record the names of the girls. And the guy is still out there in the teenage chat rooms.

Slowly convincing little girls that only he cares for them... and that their parents are bad people for expecting them to go to bed before 10pm. And that they really should get a laptop for their private bedroom use.

Because once he's got them enthralled with his unending sympathy for teenage moans, the tone changes.

Apparently it's not a crime to say anything at all to children on line. It's not the same as if their teacher - or a man in the park says it.

The crime of grooming is only when they arrange to meet the child for the 'purposes of sex'. And apparently they are too clever to say this most of the time.

So why didn't the police want to know? Apparently they don't have enough officers to deal with this 'minor' stuff.

And they only want to deal with cases which improve their clean up rate targets. Prevention of crime isn't their aim.

I'd advise any parent to get a protective programme which picks up grooming phrases and warns you on line now it is said that 1 in 4 children are being targetted by men like this one.

We've got tiscali's but there are loads of others.

As for the police? It would have taken around five minutes to record the posting name and address of the man and the girls concerned.

Understaffed? Don't care and can't be bothered more like.

Its illegal if he's suggested sex and meeting them.

Disguisting if police not interested.

Thats fucking awful, did your dd tell you?

how do you have the mans name and address? i cannot believe the police did nothing. what about contacting the police people that deal with internet weirdos (cant remember what they are called)

think its ceops or something similar

Local plods probably not up to dealing with this kind of thing... but these people are.

Child Exploitation and Online Protection centre. Dealing with what you've described is exactly what they do.

I couldn't remember their name but googling "internet child protection" found them.

Contact them. He sounds vile and dangerous.

Ah cross posted with Mishmashmoon who was spot on.

I recently had the police here, being very sympathetic and pro-active, when my 14 yo DD2 was stupid enough to meet an 18/19 yo she met via FB. (Disclaimer, she has been repeatedly warned of the dangers, was not allowed on the home pc out of sight/monitoring, but met him via and when she said she was going to the library to do homework, in case you were ready to flame). Full details already on AIBU.

The young man made sexual advances to her, trying to lift her top and kissing her, asking her to go to the park with him and geet naked. DD says she told him to get lost at this point and slapped him.

The police said he hadn't committed a crime but were able to find out who he was and told me he was known to them (a bit of a prat rather than a sexual predator). They assurred me they would talk VERY sternly to him and monitor him and so serious and decent was the police officer I've no doubt he was telling the absolute truth on that.

I'm furious on your behalf that your own nasty experience wasn't taken as seriously regardless that in law there was no crime committed. I feel as you surely do, that without action, someone may well get hurt or worse.

Thanks all.

Yes Valhhala - My daughter had the full lecture plus the school talk - and the five/six girls likewise.
They were all taken in.

They can spot teenage 'take your top off' types but the real pros don't say this. They get the child's confidence first by backing everything that they say and telling them that ONLY they understand them.

(Like a lion splits the young gazelle off from the herd).

They just wheedle their way with the child and do it by tiny steps. That;s why they are so dangerous. So by the time they suggest anything the child doesn't want to lose their friendship.

It's horrible if you read it because you can understand exactly what is going on but the child can't.

Things to watch out for are the child becoming withdrawn and secretive around the computer - determindly wanting one in their own room.

No I don't know they guy's address. All I wanted to know is that he lived miles away from us.

Since the poice were not interested, a friend posed as a little girl on line to him - trying to speak teenspeak to the guy.

Unfortunately it is another language and the guy soon spotted him.. but them he must be on the lookout for this.

The police might note that if they won't do anything at all, the public are eventually forced into doing something to protect their children.

And yes - grooming is only punishable by law when they guy (or I suppose it sould be a woman, due to recent cases) states he wants to meet the child for sexual purposes.

They are quite cute at avoiding actually saying this but just arrange to meet the child for 'fun at the park' or something.

Have you reported him to the chat room providers?

Bloody hell, YANBU and I'd go to police headquarters or something like that. Fortunately for us, our dd is only 8 and hasn't discovered the joys of chatrooms. The police are being extrememly irresponsible IMHO.

What chat room was this ?

i think alot of responsibility lies with the parents who provide the computer,internet connection....then leave the kids to it!

you can ban chatroms,use software for the purpose. and people should engage with their children more about this sort of thing......not blame police when its all gone wrong!

"alot of responsibility lies with the parents" I feel the same way. However, I am amazed when i talk to people of our generation how many just have no idea what is going on out there. Some don't know what a chat room is, even now. I was speaking to a woman the other day who thought that "the internet" was "a library service" and thus all "monitored by the government". Many people just don't understand.

I don't think anyone is blaming police, OP sounds like she is being very accountable for it and doing the right things.

Just hoping that the police might be interested in preventing this from happening to anyone else/going further.

It has to be more cost effective to warn this individual that he will be in trouble if he carries on with his activities than prosecute him when it all goes tits up, or am I being a bit simplistic?

mrsmousemat, I can understand your post on my thread now. This is awful.

I think CEOPS are the people you need, here is the link to the report abuse section of their website:

www.ceop.gov.uk/reportabuse/

It

sorry, hit post too soon. its not right but it sounds like the local police are just not well briefed in terms of how to deal with this.

Hope you get further with CEOPS.