For wishing that my mum wouldn't offer to do stuff if she can't?

[MontgomeryCheese]

My mum is always offering and promising stuff that never materialises. Like she'll offer to have the kids over-night and will wait until I have something arranged and then say something like "Oh, I've just remembered, I can't this weekend"

Another one was one time I asked her if she'd have the kids one friday night. She agreed but then said "oh, actually, I've just remembered I have your sisters parents evening that night." I said "oh its ok, It doesn't matter then" so she said "no, no ... its fine, I'll have them".

So the day before I phoned again and said "I know you have the parents evening so it doesn't matter about the babysitting". She replied with "no, honest ... it's fine! I can have them".

So I arranged to go out.

Needless to say, the next day she phoned and said "I'm so sorry but I can't have the kids, I've just remembered I have that parents evening to go to..."

Anyway, the latest one is... just before we went on holiday my mum said "I'm going to give the kids £50 each to go away with".

I thanked her and told the kids.

A week before we went she phoned and said "We're a bit short of money this week, will £20 each be ok?"

I said of course and that she didn't have to give them anything at all if she couldn't really afford it. She replied with "No! of course I will give them something, I won't see them away with nothing! I'm their grandmother!"

So, the day before we went, she phoned "I'm so sorry, I just don't have the money. I will give you something when you get back" I said "forget it, its fine, doesn't matter" but she insisted.

So, 4 weeks later, we'd been back for two weeks and she said "I know I was supposed to be giving you something when you got back ... it's just that ... " I stopped her and said it was fine and she should forget about it.

So, a couple of weeks ago she said that since she hadn't given us money for the holiday, she would pay for my son's karate competition and my other son's cubs jumper. Great I thought ... I budgeted for this and needless to say, the money never materialised.

It's not that I EXPECT her to pay for anything and I know she shouldn't have to give us anything but why constantly say these things if she doesn't mean them?? I'm sick of being messed around.

Just don't expect anything, I would say

Then you won't be disappointed

When you next hear "I'll treat the Dc to x, y, z..." just go "right-o, lovely" and instantly forget

Then if she does come up trumps, everyone's a winner

I like to see the glass as half-empty. You're always pleasantly suprised that way

My mil, does this but in a way it's worse as she promises DD things. We were staying with them andd she told DD that we'd meet up for cake, she didn't turn up. She told DD she'd come to her birthday and then decided not to...various other stuff.

Then she spends loads of money on inappropriate gifts...don't get me started on DD's Xmas present from her

YANBU, just don't tell the kids that she's promised stuff, at least then it'll be a nice suprice if she comes good and no pain if she doesn't. Don't include her offers in your budgets.

I agree with notnowbernard, make other arrangements for babysitting, or first hint that she might have something else on, make other arrangements and tell her you don't need her to help but thanks anyway.

Re money for things, assume it won't arrive. Do not tell the DC's Granny will be paying for things as they will be disappointed, assume she won't then treat it as a bonus if she does.

This is irritating, but if she's a great Granny in all other ways, I'd manage down your own expectations so you don't get upset.

I would have a word with my mum about it. Also dont tell your dcs anything or they will end up disappointed.