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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if people apply for one of your offered items on freecycle, they should at least attempt to ask NICELY?????

35 replies

gingerkirsty · 19/11/2009 23:07

For those of you who haven't heard of it Freecycle is a website where you join a local group and post stuff that you have on offer. People then contact you if they want what you have and you can choose who gets it.

Eventually (one hopes) the laws of Karma mean that you will get stuff too!

Anyway, when I have listed in the past, people have normally sent nice emails saying why they want the item, how much they'd like it etc - normally using sentences. So imagine my dismay when this evening I received the following emails:

can i please have these

and

Yes PLease

Not sentences, no attempt at punctuation, both use the word please without managing to convey any potential gratitude for the items - so NO - you CAN'T have my stuff! I shall wait for a more polite email.

Humph

OP posts:
maidenvoyage · 19/11/2009 23:23

sorry dont get it are they meant to beg for your item

phobiccauliflower · 19/11/2009 23:26

You want them to tell you WHY they want the item????

defineme · 19/11/2009 23:31

To be charitable you could view it as the most illiterate might need your stuff the most as illiteracy can be a pointer to deprivation.

I would view it more as funny than rude.

Otherwise it's just well educated probably middle class people swapping their stuff-which is fine, but a little exclusive.

Original poster
gingerkirsty · 19/11/2009 23:32

No, I just want them to ask nicely in a sentence! Not too much to expect, I don't think - I could just take it all the charidee shop instead of taking the time to list it, putting pics on so people can see what I'm listing, and allow people to come to my home and collect!

OP posts:
LuckySalem · 19/11/2009 23:35

Whenever I use freecycle I always send a message saying something like (the last one was for a chest freezer I picked up - god send)

I would love to take this off your hands please. We were just looking at getting one as a way of saving money ready for baby no2's arrival.

Let me know whether I can have it and i'll come pick it up at your leisure.

Original poster
gingerkirsty · 19/11/2009 23:36

Sorry defineme cross post. Yes you could be right on that score, hadn't thought of it like that but can't overcome my feeling that it is just ignorant.

It is not people's right to just come and take the stuff, it is being offered in kindness and should be requested with manners and, yes, gratitude - I am not asking for a thank you card FGS just someone making the effort to write an email not just 2 words or so.

As I said above, I make a lot of effort listing my stuff on here and would like people to respond in kind.

OP posts:
Original poster
gingerkirsty · 19/11/2009 23:37

Lucky if you ever want any of my stuff I would be very pleased for you to have it

OP posts:
Original poster
gingerkirsty · 19/11/2009 23:37

Stuff that I have put on Freecycle, that is - I don't want you to come round my house and take your pick!!!

OP posts:
LuckySalem · 19/11/2009 23:39

Oh damn!! I thought I was gonna be able to go get a big screen tv or something then! lol

phobiccauliflower · 19/11/2009 23:39

Freecycle is about keeping crap from landfill. Anything that could go to the charity shop, should go to the charity shop! That way, your item is recycled but the charity get some money for it into the bargain.

Items that can't be sold in a charity shop (broken, electrical, furniture, etc) are perfect for Freecycle and you should just be glad to have them taken off your hands without leaving your settee. Don't fret about the content of the emails!

yappy · 19/11/2009 23:47

I've given loads of stuff away on Freecycle Ginger and I tend to give it to the first one to reply, but if they are rude then I don't! It does seem to be the etiquette that you should ask nicely.

maidenvoyage · 19/11/2009 23:57

asking nicely is what they are replying is " Yes Please" which is what i have taught my children

famishedass · 20/11/2009 00:05

See this is why I don't ask for anything on Freecycle. People offering stuff almost expect the "peasants" to grovel with gratitute.

perfectstorm · 20/11/2009 00:06

phobiccauliflower - not always. Our freecycle group specifically states in the rules that the environmental consideration is of very secondary importance in their minds, and that the social benefits of people giving to one another is what matters to them. That's why they have the fair offer time rule, and moderate as heavily as they do. I agree, actually. And as our local dump has a recycling and renovation unit that saves all the sort of thing you mention, profits to the taxpayer, saving from landfill where possible/appropriate is done anyway.

"I can take it off your hands" is a bit annoying when you're offering something pretty good. Not as as the person asking for a brand new Dualit toaster, though.

perfectstorm · 20/11/2009 00:07

Agree that "yes please" is absolutely fine, though. Being spammed aggressively, demanding to collect immediately, isn't.

maidenvoyage · 20/11/2009 00:15

I am sorry I still dont get it. If you are offering something for free and someone replies saying "Yes please" or " I will take it of your hands" should you then not be grateful that you dont have to hire a skip, driver etc to take it away. In todays society should we not help each other without having to bow and say thank you thank you etc

jasper · 20/11/2009 00:25

Ginger you are quite right.
I can't believe how rude and abrupt some people are

perfectstorm · 20/11/2009 00:26

I think a "please" is appropriate. Wouldn't dream of asking for anything of anyone without a please, personally. And when you're wading through 90 mails about decent furniture (house move) because the fair offer time rule means reading the lot, and you're also offering free delivery because you have a van hired, so why should they have to as well, one line "I can take it off your hands" is rude, IMO.

My favourite taker brought some home grown rhubarb as a mutual gesture, which I thought was lovely. Going to try to do similar myself when collecting things, in future.

theworldsgoneDMmad · 20/11/2009 00:28

"can i please have these

and

Yes PLease"

may be somewhat illiterate (or just trying to type quicker than things are snapped up on Freecycle), short and sweet, but ARE polite.

The don't have to convey any gratitude for the items if you're not going to give anything to them.

YABVU, snobby and ridiculous.

EightiesChick · 20/11/2009 00:30

But they ought also to put details about how and when they can pick up the item etc. Otherwise, it all falls back on you to email them again, asking for arrangements. Make it as easy for the person offering the item as possible and you're more likely to get it.

I have no truck with the 'the illiterate deserve it the most' argument. A badly written and spelt message could still show consideration in saying when they can pick up or giving their phone number. Plus if I want to give to those who are most needy, I give to charities. Freecycling stuff for me is about a combination of giving it to someone who seems like they need it but isn't taking the piss or devoid of all social feeling.

Booyhoo · 20/11/2009 00:45

i have never used freecycle but to me, if someone is offering something they are basically saying, "here is a [fill in the blank] that i no longer use/need/want. hands up if you want it."

to which the response is "yes please."

i dont see any reason why that person should outline their intentions or justify why they want it.

also, the fact that you think they should be grateful for 'allowing' them to collect at your house, well really it just saves you from taking whatever it is to the charity shop so probably more effort on their part than on yours.

jasper · 20/11/2009 00:55

Booyhoo I can see you have never used freecycle.

Here are two actual replies I received when I offered a bedframe this week.

1)hi do you still have the bed frame? and if so is it dismantled wi the screws still there?

2)Dear Jasper ,Hi there, would really love your bed, have to admit though it would probably be saturday before I could pick up. I realize that will probably be too late, but my old car's off the road just now Mechanic tells me will probably be saturday before ready. I realize you will be wanting it moved as quikly as possable, just had to put in for it. , Hope you understand, regards, David.

Which would you choose?

Booyhoo · 20/11/2009 01:08

tbh whichever was first to reply and could pick up whenever it suited me. if i'm giving something away free, it means i want rid without the hassle of money talk or transporting it to charity shop so whoever could lift it with minimum disruption to me would get it. not saying i would accept rudeness but either of the OP's respondants would be welcome to it.

jasper · 20/11/2009 01:13

But the first one did not offer to pick up soon,just wanted to make sure it was worth his/her effort, with no sense of gratitude at all

You often get ten or twenty responses to an offer.
I don't get why people don't realise that politeness costs nothing and an abrupt grabby reply puts you at a disadvantage

jasper · 20/11/2009 01:14

boohoo the point is they don't say Yes Please