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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think dd's school should let her do this for a while?

38 replies

GypsyMoth · 19/11/2009 22:38

i'm probablly wrong here,but what do you all think?

dd 13 has finally befriended a girl in her form. she has learning difficulties/SN and has no friends. they have all just started year 9 at the upper school,so its all new and scary.

form teacher asked my dd's group of friends to help this girl out,in the playground mainly. but nobody wanted to be seen with her. she has a helper in class,but nobody around in social situations.

so,dd has decided to sod everyone else,and brought the girl into their group at break/lunch....

problem is,dd has also started to take her friend all over school to her classes as she was having trouble getting around and arriving very,very late. she has no memory it seems. really struggling. dd is getting in trouble now for arriving to her own classes late!!

should i tell dd to stop taking her,or let it continue?

OP posts:

diddl · 20/11/2009 17:47

If the girl is in your daughters form, why isn´t she having mostly the same lessons?

Original poster

GypsyMoth · 20/11/2009 21:00

Same form, but different levels and different sets. They go off to different lessons as timetable is different in upper schools, they are year 9,age 13.

OP posts:

edam · 20/11/2009 23:43

On a side note 35 minutes for lunch is crap. Clearly not enough time to eat a decent meal and actually relax a little bit with your friends, let alone actually get some ruddy exercise!

Original poster

GypsyMoth · 21/11/2009 10:02

Edam, I think the reason is because they condense the day so they finish school at 3 pm which is earlier than the middle and lower schools. They also use last few days of summer term to start the new school year then rather than sept. So when schools go back in sept they have lockers, timetables, classes already sorted and are ready to go. All very different at this school I've found

OP posts:

edam · 21/11/2009 12:51

yeah, the high school next door to ds's primary cut their day to finish by 3.15. VERY irritating as meant ds's school had to change their hours too, to avoid 1,500 teenagers chucking out at the same time as 350 younger kids.

Don't understand the need for a condensed day at all, especially at the expense of children having enough time to eat lunch and have a break between lessons. I'm sure they must be more able to learn when they have five minutes to catch their breath!

SpodgeMcBiscuit · 21/11/2009 13:03

May I be one of many to applaud your daughter. Good on her! Stuff the rest of them, she's made a new friend and is doing what any other friend would do.

I have no idea who this situation will turn out, and I have very little advice I'm afraid. But, all I will say is that you must remind your daughter if she is asked not to do what she is doing, that she did the right thing and you are not cross with her. If the school has not helped this child before then even if she cannot continue to help she has shown that help was needed.

I have tears coming on, your daughter has stood up for herself and a friend and will no doubt grow into a strong young woman. You should be very proud.

Original poster

GypsyMoth · 21/11/2009 14:15

aww splodge! yes,i am proud of her,she has always been like this tho,but now with peer groups when its not 'cool' to befriend the ones everybody else shuns,i can see her wrestling with her conscience a bit!

she does the 'right' thing tho. she is fair and i think this is because she's a bit different herself (ginger,freckly,sporty and a tomboy...)she has been surprised to find that she's 'popular' at this school. incidentally,her new friend is ginger also,plus another girl she's on school footie team with....must be only school where the popular girls are all 'ginger'!!

OP posts:

SpodgeMcBiscuit · 21/11/2009 14:29

Well why not. My family all have lovely red hair, I have not. Costs a fortune to get it right out of a bottle. Plus with Lily Cole and Nic from Girls Aloud it's in fashion now.

You're obviously doing something right by her. Much love. Hope all works out well. xx

Original poster

GypsyMoth · 15/12/2009 12:58

update on this,which has made me feel a little sad to be honest!!

today is the special needs girls last day.(would use her name,not being mean referring to her this way) school were unable to place correct support in place for her,so she is leaving to go back to a special needs school. turns out she was only at my dd's school for 3 days a week,didn't realise that when i posted before. anyway,maybe it is best for her,maybe not,i don'y know. but feel sad that she had no support with the small matter of getting around. she had the classroom support,but not much more. and dd had brought her into their group where the other girls were starting to help her out too. she was making friends and her disability had been accepted and overlooked by the girls...she was one of them,which dd said had made her so happy!!

am hoping dd will stay in touch with her somehow,continue their friendship.

OP posts:

elliephant · 15/12/2009 13:13

Thanks for the update although it has left me feeling sad and disappointed. Perhaps the other school will cater better for her educational needs, I don't know. I feel her participation in the society of mainstream education would have had had so many benefits for both her and her new friends. Hope your DD manages to stay in touch.

aokay · 15/12/2009 13:14

I have a daughter with special needs who would love a friend - give your daughter a hug from us please. Agree with other posters that school should deal better with actual help for other girl though; could you ask for a meeting with your daughter's teacher and raise issue? I'd go to head if you get nowhere.

aokay · 15/12/2009 13:18

sorry - jsut got update - it is sad but if the other school is the right place then maybe for the best - at least both girls had some positive contact. It does seem stupid that for the sake of more support integration not possible, but I wonder how the other child would have managed as progressed up the school?

Original poster

GypsyMoth · 15/12/2009 13:22

if she were my daughter then i would have tried that,but sadly,i don't feel i could interfere. i'm aware there may be other issues i know nothing about too.

its sad though,all it would have taken was a little more organisation. a teacher or TA to make a rota or something. its such a difficult time,becoming a teenager,mixing with peers and getting it all right! this young girl had started experimenting with make up,fashion etc,copying the other girls. all new to her,but the girls in the group helped her. thats what makes me sad for her. i hope dd got her phone number today. she had been trying to arrange a day to meet up or come back for tea,but it was all so difficult!

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