to think that my FIL shouldn't have pretended to "shoot" my toddler?

[FredFlintstone]

He was playing with DS and pretending to shot him with a ruler, pointing it at him and saying "bang, bang.. I shot you". I am not sure if I want this kind of thing repeated, haven't said anything but am wondering whether to ask DH to keep an eye out and ask his dad to stop if he does similar things again. Or am I BU?

(also don't want to rock the boat with dh at the moment as we're not getting on great, and not sure if he will think I am being over the top! Need some perspective...)

It really doesn't do any harm, and as others have said, similar things will be played at nursery, school playground etc. You can ask him not to play this at home, or not to shoot you, but I don't think there'd be any benefit in asking FIL to stop.

By discouraging this type of imaginative play, you are telling your child that this particular facet of their personality is deeply unacceptable to you. They will feel obliged to hide it, and indeed will wonder what else you find unacceptable about their personality

dear god watching captain feathersword wont make him pirate

nor will shouting bang bang with a ruler make him ned kelly

you should be chuffed they had a laugh and boisterous fun.wee boys are physical and have great imagination they need to play at shoot me,shoot me

its a boy thang

Everyone has made fair points, and I am taking it on board, BUt I am not trying to ban guns - just trying not to have his immediate family actively encourage the games. Is there a difference? I'm not sure but I think so.

I agree that when he's older, if he comes home copying, having seen others at school playing shooting games, and I say "no - you're not allowed to do that", it would be over the top and probably counter productive. But is it as bad to ask that he's not introduced to these things at 18 months by family? I don't know. But I won't mention it because I can see form the majority of the replies it's probably best to let it lie.

and I do have 2 names - the ff was a name change because of the problems with dh in case anyone recognised me (I'm not a troll!)

no family encourages guns unless you are ma baker and her boys

you are overthinking this.
creative free expression
is how children learn

ok, ok - I'm an overthinker about lots of things!
(but, tiny point - it wasn't his free expression, fil instigated the game). Sorry, sorry! I will stop now. I know I'm being ott!

LOL of course it was child free expression,he came up with his own spontaneous responses

scottishmummy - well he laughed..

DS and DH have been chasing each other around the house shouting "Pew Pew" and shooting each other since DS could walk/run.

He doesn't seem overly violent, he could just be hiding it though.

Nevermind, therapy is cheap isn't it?

playing pirates wont make him murderous sea faring thief

playing bang bang wont make him trigger happy

FIL is relating to your DS in the way that men have related to small boys for generations. You could tell him that current opinion (in some parts of society at least) says that he is wrong, and that it is not "nice". But, I think the most likely reaction you'll get is for him to decide that you are massively over-sensitive, that since generations of small boys have grown up without becoming violent you are just plain wrong, and that his best bet is to avoid antagonising you by not playing with your DS at all, for fear of getting something else "wrong" and being told off again.

Assuming that he managed to raise your DH into a non-violent, basically decent human being, you could just let him get on with relating to your DS in his own way, without fearing that it'll have a terrible effect on his development.

I'm glad you made this point (despite all the rolling eyes) because it's something that has occurred to me partly because I've been asked by others whether we mind our DS1 (aged 3.5) receiving xmas presents that may include weapons, whether it be a pirate's cutlass or a gun.

My instinct is to say well he hasn't started to imitate guns yet so i'd rather not introduce it to him if we can avoid it.

incidentally, our DS was given the play vegetables with a plastic knife for his birthday and played quite happily for weeks pretending to cut them up as supposed to until another little boy started using the knife on him as a 'pretend' weapon during a playdate. I was a bit miffed at the time but that said DS hasn't gone around trying to knife anyone since then (either with toy or real knives) so i guess i shouldn't worry.

Anyway just wanted to reassure OP that you are not alone despite all the quite dismissive comments and i do understand how you feel...we all just want to preserve a little bit of innocence and gentleness in our kids for as long as possible don't we?

Definitely a boy thing and there is very little you can d0 about it!

I was very much against gun play and DS1 went to a nursery where guns and other non pc toys weren't allowed. Failed miserably as the little boys went and made guns out of the lego (or anything else they could find!!!)

I'd hate it too,OP, so YANBU. I've just had a son and I'm dreading this aspect of boydom and will try to resist it as I have with my daughter.

fred, I am with you. I hate with a passion little ones playing "bang bang you're dead".

my DS will not have any guns. he shows no interest at all in violent play. we have no violent/action packed DVDs or video games. DH has never been into that sort of thing either.

that said, we live in a society that tolerates violence as normal and even entertainment

i do not agree with people who say it is a boy thing. Only if they are brought up seeing guns in films,books, video games or dare i say it RL, will they even know about them. It is NOT the same as any other role play/make believe game - the intention of shooting someone is to kill them. I really fail to see why people let their kids do this. And we wonder why we have teens obsessed with gang violence....just an extension of the "game"

numerous time children have then been in the position of finding a gun and shooting someone dead by accident. if the culture was "guns are dangerous stay away from them" instead of "guns are for playing with/aiming at people" we would see fewer of these tragedies.

and yes, I know that many gun owners are responsible sportsmen who keep them locked up and whose kids are taught responsible use and how to be safe around guns - the majority of kids are not though, their instinct is to aim a gun at someone and go bang bang you're dead. and sometimes they are.

My aunt refused to let her DS watch power rangers, turtles or anything like that when he was younger. He wasn't allowed toy guns or anything. Now as a 17 year old he is obsessed with violence and guns and seems cruel with the things he says he would do to animals etc. I think it could have something to do with the way my aunt was, I thought she went a bit too far with the whole no violence thing.

I don't like violence of any kind and my DS will not being playing with any violent games or watching films like that but I think if you are too far one way it can have the opposite effect to what you wamt. HTH.

DH plays musical statues with DS1, DS2 and DD (18months). Whoever moves he "shoots" with his fingers. They all absolutely love it and end up in fits of laughter.

It's not violence. It's a game, so YABU.

I grew up playing with cap guns - had the cowboy outfit, holsters etc - and can honestly say I've never had the inclination to shoot anyone! I wouldn't risk upsetting FIL and stopping him from playing with DS if it were me.

it is wrong to impose adult interpretation onto children

eg gun play is wrong because it is representative of violence

the child does not have that adult frame of reference and may be engaging in play with the gun as item without symbolic significance attached

they probably enjoy the vigorous play,the noise,the exertion running,making repetitive sound, and interaction and engagement

as much as adults are offended by this it is misplaced

i don't object to home corner or play domesticity because i know it wont result in sahp.playing with those objects as toys doesn't determine adult outcomes

Boys generally love shooting! And girls should be encouraged to aim to target too - great skills for later life, out in the big bad world

I don't like guns either BUT what so many people are saying about it being "boy stuff" is so very true. My youngest son was mad about guns and soldiers and has grown into the most peaceful man that ever was! I'm going back many years so not sure how many of you will remember Action Man. Anyway my son had an Action Man tank and my friend was horrified, saying that she couldn't believe I let him have such an "aggressive toy" BUT it was her son that grew up to join the army, so where do you go from there.

And yes I remember my sons making "guns" out of stickle bricks, lego etc. My gsons aren't allowed guns but they point two fingers and make a "psshing" noise as generations of small boys have done since time immemorial. It really does no harm in my opinion.