To refuse to wear earplugs at night?

[ReformedCharacter]

DP is a loud snorer. I've had enough of being woken up several times each night and being grumpy and tired all day. For the past 2 weeks I've made him sleep on the sofa and it has been bliss. I've felt 10 years younger.

Over the weekend DP said that he couldn't continue to sleep on the sofa as it was too uncomfortable and that he wanted to come back to our bed. So he's been back sleeping with me for the past 2 nights...and I feel like shit again. I badly overslept this morning due to him waking me up several times last night and I'm so tired.

I think the answer is to buy a sofa bed/camp bed/spare mattress that he sleeps on in the living room. He thinks he has a right to sleep in our bed and that I should wear earplugs. I don't want to wear earplugs because I can't stand having blocked ears and I'm worried that I won't hear DS or my alarm clock.

Am I being unreasonable or is he? Or, is there an alternative that neither of us has thought of?

DH has sleep apnoea - his CPAP machine is NOT noisy at all (some older ones are, but he has two different ones and they are v quiet, and apparently the new ones are even more so).

He says that the flow meters up your nose are slightly uncomfortable, but not painful at all.

He also points out that if your DH has been told that he probably has sleep apnoea, he is now driving illegally and could go to prison for driving with untreated sleep apnoea.

Quite apart from the legal aspect, untreated OSA has very, very serious health implications. DH went to the OSA annual meeting at the weekend, and the stats on reduction in expected life, likelihood of having a stroke, having type II diabetes, going blind if you have diabetes (this is new research and shows an amazingly strong correlation) and more is shocking.

Oh, and of course DH is much nicer to live and sleep with now that he isn't waking up 87 times an hour..

Concentrate your energy on making your DH go back to the doctor and get proper treatment

[wince] at the thought of that surgery Sassy.

DP isn't bothered about not being able to breathe through his nose; he says that he's never been able to, but surely his mum would have noticed this and took him to the doctor!

The tests he had last year indicated that his snoring was caused by multple problems. The letter that was sent to his GP and copied to DP made for insulting/amusing reading: he has a fat tongue, huge neck and crusty nasal passages - lovely imagery!

I think the doctor was only inclined to mention sleep apnoea because she found him asleep in the waiting room and probably had the impression that he was unable to control when he slept. He will fall asleep if he's not concentrating on something regardless of where he is. I suppose it's possible/likely that he has sleep apnoea and his snoring is aggravated by the physical problems mentioned in the doctor's letter. Who knows though, if he won't go back?

Is any of that familiar to you with DH?

at Thumbwitch being grateful for avoiding her DH's farts.

Hi CMOT, we've chatted about snoring before when I was posting under a different name. Nice to 'see' you again.

I think DP found the nasal investigation painful because of how crusty he is up there (tmi - sorry).

Shit, I didn't know that about it being illegal to drive with untreated sleep apnoea. Is it ok for him to continue to drive if he's seeking treatment? I'll have a chat with him tonight about this and hopefully he'll agree to going back to the sleep clinic for more tests. Did DH have to have a non-driving period while he was waiting for/undergoing treatment CMOT?

That is very, very frightening to learn that he's at increased risk of serious illness while he messes about like this. Thanks for letting me know though.

If he falls asleep when he's not concentrating, that sounds like his sleep is disrupted. If he does the Epworth Sleepiness test it will show if this is in the bounds of normalcy.

The neck thing certainly rings a bell - he's not over weight but he does have a thick neck and something about deviations in his nose.

DH had his sleep study, and went on CPAP the next day. Technically the DVLA can enforce a non driving period whilst they wait to see if you are compliant with your CPAP treatment, but they didn't in his case. But his terms of driving are absolute that if he doesn't sleep on CPAP, he can't drive

One of the studies they showed on Saturday was driving simulations with someone who had untreated OSA, and the same person treated, and treated but well over the drink drive limit on alcohol. Their ability to drive was most markedly impaired by not treating their OSA - DH said it looked twice as bad as being drunk

CMOT thanks for the link. As his main observer I'm probably better qualified to take the test for him - he generally doesn't know if he's been sleeping.

I got a score of 18 which falls into moderate day-time sleepiness. 1 more point and he'd have been in the severe category. One of the questions was about falling asleep while sitting in traffic. Thankfully, at least to my knowledge, he has never done this. He's a local delivery driver so most of his journeys are 2-3 minutes between drop offs so not really enough time for him to feel sleepy, but obviously we need to do something about this as I'm uneasy about him driving now, even with his good track-record.

Sassy, DP is a stocky bloke now, but he's always had at least a 17 inch neck as an adult. He's now an 18 but he's gained about 4 stone. I'm not covinced it's an issue in DP's case.

That is scary CMOT! Should we be notifying the DVLA ourselves or do we wait for the hospitals advice? DP WILL be going back to the clinic now I know this. I'm sure once I tell him what you've posted he'll be agreeable to it.

According to DH (we both work from home, so am talking to him) the clinicians reckon anything above 8 on the scale is cause for concern.

Apparently with collar sizes, at 17" you have a 50:50 chance of having OSA, at 18" you are almost certain to have it

This is eye-opening CMOT! I need to read up a bit on OSA.

I wonder why MN have deleted Riven and Slim's posts at the top of the thread? There was nothing offensive about them

Good God, message deleted!

Reformedcharacter, sincerely hope you did not take offense because none intended whatsoever. Anyway am satisfied your answer suggests you didn't and open to discuss.

I fully sympathise,we tried EVERYTHING and found that me wearing earplugs is the only solution short of surgery.
Seems like a very small sacrifice compared to not sharing a bed.

PS: would someone in mumsnet towers explain what was the offense? am in a bit of a

I have a similar problem. DH cannot understand why I am tired all the time and oversleeping and refuses to believe that his snoring effects me. Especially since I am always asleep when he wakes up during the night, which apparently is several times a night. Although he is oblivous to, and sleeps through, me elbowing him/attempting to roll him over onto his side/begging him to shut the fuck up

He uses a nasal spray called Aqueus (sp?) he gets from the doc's which helps enormously, but doesn't completely solve the problem. But he needs to take it for at least three months before it works effectively, and he never does. Then when I confront him about it, he lies and claims he always takes it and I am exaggerating his snoring, because he has been taking the spray.

I think DH may have sleep aponea too, but he refuses to speak to his doctor about it.

I feel for you, but have yet to come up with a solution myself. Other than smothering him in his sleep, but I am not convinced that is entirely legal, it is very tempting at times.

sorry RC, its just that there sometime seems to be bit of gender bias here whenever an Op posts the DH/DP seems to ALWAYS be in the wrong, anyway hoppe ya get some sleep!

Slim and Riven, I've no idea why your messages were deleted. I certainly didn't find them offensive or report them - I can't imagine anyone did. Perhaps it was a techie error?

Slim, you must have lots more patience than I do. I've just spoken to him about this and explained how resentful I am that I've struggled to sleep through his snoring for 8 years and how it has to be sorted. I think I feel so strongly because of the change in me during the 2 week period where he slept on the sofa. I've softened a bit towards him now as he's promising to work with me in finding a long term solution and short term compromise. Thanks for your messages and other YABU posts. They have helped me stop being so angry with him.

Right now he's looking at inflatable beds and electric pumps so unreasonable or not, he's agreeable to staying away from our bed until he's getting treatment. He's promised that he will go back for further tests at the sleep clinic. Knowing that he's possibly driving illegally had a big impact on him.

ShinyandNew, very sorry for you. That is very selfish of DH not to use the spray properly. I know DP genuinely doesn't realise how miserable his snoring makes me feel, it's probably the same for your DH. It's really shit though.

porcamiseria, I know what you mean and it makes me a bit uncomfortable too some times. Sorry if my response to you seemed snappy above and thanks for your posts

I wear earplugs.

This means DH has to get up if and when one of the DCs wake up at night, as I don´t hear them

works for us.

I do hear alarm as it´s next to my head.

DH used to snore like a freight train, but since losing a bit of weight it is not nearly as bad. The problem now is that I have gotten used to the blissful silence of the earplugs so continue to wear them.

I do still hear DS and the alarm clock though. Alarm clock because it is right next to my head and DS because he is DS .

If you do change your mind, Bioears are excellent, lovely and comfy.