Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

MIL and chocolate

20 replies

palacemonkey · 17/11/2009 11:33

Another MIL one I'm afraid!

DS (18 months) has been given some choclate by a family friend on special occasions, with my permission, and it has become a special 'thing' he does with this family friend. I have had the feeling that this makes MIL upset as she wants her relationship with DS to be 'special' (which it is as his Grandma!) so she is constantly giving him things/buying presents/clothes etc. This has now escalated to chocolate buttons. Everytime she sees him, she gives him a pack of buttons (which I confiscate and give him at the right time ie not before bed!). BUT (hang in there - I'm getting to the point!) he has maybe 3 buttons out of a pack - so I have about 6 packs of half eaten buttons in the fridge!

Now MIL has sent 2 chocoate advent calendars with BIL when he visited on the weekend - one for me and one for DS. Previous to this year she would always send advent calendars for me and DH - which DH would eat within days as he was a chocoholic! However, DH passed away in January, so it's up to me and DS with these calendars.

My question is;
Is she BU by expecting me to give an 18 month old a piece of cholocate every day for a month?
Or AIBU by not graciously accepting them and then fobbing them off onto some other poor sap friend?

BTW I'm not a huge fan of chocolate (wierd, I know ) and any chocolate I eat I'm very particular about.

OP posts:

Tortington · 17/11/2009 11:35

yabu not to be a fab of chocolate.

just take it smile and bin it.

posieparker · 17/11/2009 11:36

I think given the fact that your DH has passed away and this is your first christmas without him and hers without her son I think you should accept graciously and fob them off.

Original poster

palacemonkey · 17/11/2009 11:39

that's what I though posie - i just don't want to set a precedent with her... she's the type that if you give an inch, she'll take a mile!
And it's never the best choclate, is it?

OP posts:

MmeLindt · 17/11/2009 11:39

I would take the calender and scoff the chocolate let DS have one occasionally.

He won't notice if he is still opening doors at Easter.

What kind of chocolate do you like? Are you going to be filling your suitcase in Switzerland? (Got your email btw, will ask around about the car seat)

Pikelit · 17/11/2009 11:41

Hmmmm. I can see that to some people, a little bit of chocolate a day wouldn't be seen as unreasonable. However, I know that I (and most friends) wanted to keep the very existence of chocolate a secret from my dcs until they discovered it themselves and wouldn't have been at all thrilled to get a chocolate filled Advent calendar when they were as young as 18 months old.

I suspect that there's a lot more behind your MIL's behaviour though (as you've suggested) since she seems fearful that she mightn't have as special relationship as she might when your DH was alive. So, for this year at least, I'd be inclined to go the "gracious acceptance and fob off" route.

(PS.I'm another person who isn't at all fussed about chocolate, btw. If it disappeared tomorrow I'd not give the loss of it a second thought!)

HumphreyCobbler · 17/11/2009 11:43

I wouldn't worry, just say thanks and deal with it however you think necessary. It is only chocolate.

I think it is really normal for grandparents to give children chocolate, they didn't go in for all this healthy eating when they had little ones.

Original poster

palacemonkey · 17/11/2009 11:43

That's a good point mmelindt - I hadn't thought about stretching it out to easter... he'd love that! (I guess my head is in Christmas mode and nothing goes past there at the moment!)

I love any type of swiss cholcate actually (it has a much better texture i think) - but here in the UK it MUST be Cadburys milk chocolate - nothing in it, nothing added - just plain milk choclate... except for Ferrero Rochers... love them. (Turns out I'm not as picky as I thought )

OP posts:

Original poster

palacemonkey · 17/11/2009 11:45

It doesn't help that this is the first Christmas since I arrived in UK (I'm from OZ originally) that we won't be spending with her. We'll be going away with FIL and his partner so she won't get to see DS until about 28th December.

OP posts:

posieparker · 17/11/2009 11:49

Has she got a husband or any other children?

MmeLindt · 17/11/2009 11:53

It does sound like it is going to be hard for her, well for all of you of course, this Christmas. I would not rock the boat on something like this.

As to the choc buttons, could you suggest she buys the multipack ones. The bags are much smaller. My mum also used to buy the star ones, not sure what they are called but there were only a few in the packet.

Original poster

palacemonkey · 17/11/2009 11:56

FIL and her divorced about 25 years ago and she never remarried. She has BIL who lives about 15 minutes from her house so she sees him quite regularly. We live 2 hours away so it's a bit a trek to see her - but we manage it about once a month.

DS is the only GC and BIL has no romantic prosepcts at the moment (TBH we're wondering if they would male or female prospects as he doesn't and hasn't ever seemed interested in anyone - he's 27 this year and has never had a GF)

OP posts:

Original poster

palacemonkey · 17/11/2009 11:57

I think the multi-pack buttons are a good idea... or maybe she could just finish the pack off before she leaves each time! That way I don't have chocolate taking over my fridge (I still have 2 easter eggs in there taht haven't been unwrapped )

OP posts:

Firawla · 17/11/2009 13:03

you should accept it from her and not make a big deal i think
but on some days you give ds the choc and some days you dont. he will not understand the concept at this age to expect the choc every day

thefortbuilder · 17/11/2009 13:11

i would take the advent calendar, take the chocolate out and let him open the days. she won't know and will not have hurt feelings because she will probably think you are being unreasonable if you make an issue out of it.

ds1 is 3 and has only ever had chocolate once, from MIL when she knows damn well both dh and I feel really strongly about ds1 not having chocolate or sweets. I bit my tongue and didn't say anything to her (let DH do that) as she did it as she felt a treat and it wasn't worth upsetting her about.

2rebecca · 17/11/2009 13:15

My kids had chocolate advent calenders at 18 mo. Some of you seem a bit health food barmy. A piece of chocolate a day for a month is fine if teeth cleaned.
I'd make chocolate chip biscuits or muffins with the left over buttons and take them to work. Sounds a bit of a non problem to me.

PerArduaAdNauseum · 17/11/2009 13:16

Here's another strategy which might be useful - tell her you'd like to keep him off buttons after Christmas, as you'll be making plans to potty train next year (maybe!) and buttons will be your bribe - which won't work if he's used to having them daily. MILs IME love the idea of potty training, and while it might be a year or 18 months before your DS is ready to try, getting her involved in the planning might be something to make her feel more special?

Or I might be talking out of my arse. But I have to say that my own DS never had chocolate regularly, and I was glad that the button-bribes were therefore a proper treat to him

CarGirl · 17/11/2009 13:19

Can you suggest to her a something different to buy him that is special to them, perhaps a cbeebies magazine or something? They love the pictures and you can recycle them afterwards?

In the meantime accept the advent calendar.

paranormalghostygoat · 17/11/2009 13:32

Perhaps talk to her and suggest that it would be really "Special" for her to give him something else - like the magazine or perhaps some pens or paper or something instead of chocolate. Too much choc brings out spots on my dc's and they still have easter eggs to eat because too much and they're ill.

It might make her feel special and gets you out of the choc buttons, perhaps also tell her that he isn't keen on chocolate and would prefer something else if she was going to buy anything. Would she perhaps buy him some fruit or yoghurt or anything like that?

Original poster

palacemonkey · 17/11/2009 13:42

I've accepted the calendars as BIL gave them to me - I think we'll drag them out for special treats (I'll post agian in Easter if there's any left! ) In the meantime - the idea about potty training is great PerArduaAdNauseum. Will get her involved in that after Christmas... if only to ask her how she potty trained two boys - I've got no idea! (But that's another thread!)

OP posts:

Original poster

palacemonkey · 17/11/2009 13:44

He's a big fan of coulouring in (well scribbling on paper) so maybe some pencils/washable pens for him instead of chocolate. He is a big fan of bananas too - but i think this is just because he can say 'nana' now

OP posts:

Flip