to not want to take over all the housework?

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DS is now two months, I still feel slightly like I have been run over by a truck and am knackered from doing all the night feeds. DH has just announced that he thinks it is time that I took over all the housework (which we shared while we were both working). I don't mind doing the stuff during the day but he is adament that he will not do any cooking, washing up or tidying in the evenings either because, and I quote, "You get free time during the day". I do, when DS is napping, but I spend it doing the jobs like hoovering and washing, while DS is awake I want to spend time with him, not just for fun but so that he develops and learns constantly. Now I am busy all day, cook and wash up in the evening, tidy up after DS has gone to bed and still do the night feeds. Grrrr. OK, rant over, all you domestic goddesses who already do everything, keep a perfect house and have perfect children can come out now and tell me IABU

I haven't read the whole thread but I have an 11 week old and you are so not being unreasonable. Your husband is being a bit of a pig to be quite frank. I don't see why you should ever take over all the housework myself. Looking after children is hard work and you don't get a lunch break.

I do hardly any housework, some washing and washing up. My husband cooks a lot of dinners when he comes in and hangs up washing and we have a cleaner that comes in for two hours a week.

Also relationship decisions should not be made one partner, they should be acceptable to both parties. Tell him no.

The only time you get free time is when your breastfeeding from what I can remember. And I don't know about you but I was crap at doing that and hoovering at the same time.

YANBU in the slightest.

The only time you get free time is when your breastfeeding from what I can remember. And I don't know about you but I was crap at doing that and hoovering at the same time.

YANBU in the slightest.

Does he think you are some sort of slave ?

Can you afford a cleaner a couple of hours a week?

Lets get this right, YOU have had a baby, YOU do all the feeds and night feeds, YOU do all of the cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, shopping, put away, etc etc (all of which have increased since DC was born)suffer from sleep deprivation and hubby goes to work.
FFS to do you really need to ask who is being unreasonable here? Hubby gets two days off at the weekends (when do you have a day off).

He needs to be brought back down to earth NOW before this becomes a habbit and before he starts taking you for granted.

When I had 2 DC (aged3 and 2 mths) I got up early and went to a car boot sale(huge clear out as we were moving house). Hubby had to get up with kids get them fed, dressed steralise the bottles and make them up for that day and leave the house to come and meet me). He made it and when he arrived said "How do you do it all the timeI`m already knackered" This was at 11am and DS was already sleeping throught the nights.
He remembered this lesson though.

A couple of years later after twins I went on a lovely girlie wknd away and left him with all 4 kids. They were at this time 6.5 2.5 and 5mth twins.

He managed admirably and he still encourages me to go and I know if I did he could cope and I wouldn`t be constantly wondering what I would find when I got home.

YOU are now MUM and hubby is now a DAD and he needs to pull his weight to help care for YOUR CHILD. I know far to many people who moan about their partners being lazy and not doing anything but only because they let them get away with it. Several mums wont leave the children with other half for fear that something might happen to child whilst in the care of the partner.
Go away for the weekend (youve just had a baby and need to recouperate) leave your hubby on his own and when you come back pick holes in everything that he hasnt done to your standards and tel him if you can do it why cant he. If all is done then just say see that wasnt so hard was it now we can share everything and both get a day off at the weekends. If your still having problems then look after yourself and DC and leave DH to his own devises. He will soon come crying when hes run out of pants/shirts/food etc.

Good luck and enjoy your weekend away!

I aggree with other posters express and go out all day- let him see the consquence of leaving him in a seat for longer than 5 mins! YANBU he perhaps needs to get a clue about how difficult it is for you

(my DP does all of the housework and I do the cooking) and DD is 4 months old!

He is BU
actually my DH doesnt really do housework either (unless i asked him to something specific to help out as i am tired/not well or something), but the way your dh has come up and made it into a little announcement about "its time you do everything by yourself" just comes across rude and a bit patronising, i dont like the attitude and think he is expecting too much. If you are doing everything you should be doing on your own timescale, how you want and if not everything gets done everyday not the end of the world. but him coming up saying that will make u feel guilty to sit down as you said, and raises expectations too high, and does belittle the work you are doing looking after baby @ the same time. he needs to be realistic, and needs to show a good attitude to you for what you are doing, and a bit of appreciation

my dh started to be an arse after my dd (6 weeks) was born. So I decided enough was enough, and just left everything undone, then I made him feed dd expressed bottle and watch the 3 ds while I had a nice uninterrupted bath. He has behaved himself since then.

While I think YANBU I do also think that your dh has a point. I absolutely hate housework and do the bare minimum but I do think that part of my role while on ML is to look after the house as well as ds. DH has to work to pay for everything and to enable me to not have to go back to work until ds is 12mths (and he works long hours rarely home before 8pm) and therefore I don't think it is fair on him to also have to do chores during the week so I always cook etc in the week. BUT then at the weekend he does his fair share of the chores (including the ironing which bizarrely he enjoys ).

OP - could you perhaps come to a similar compromise with your DH, i.e. you do stuff in the week but he shares chores at the weekend?

Am I the only one who had a ball on my 1st Ml and did sit and watch MSR while breastfeeding???

Later ones were harder as
I have 3 close and BF all till 2 -I suppose there was extra washing but all mine live in babygrows till 6mth - I only do outfits for special days. I used a slow cooker ALOT and the older ones load the diswasher. DH works long hours so not fair to as him to start again when he comes home and also its nice to have ''couple time'' ( he also cooks all weekends and does bath and bed when he's home in time)Saying that your DH isn't the most tactful of blokes is he?

Sorry you are finding it so hard op however cann't see the problem with using a dummy for 1/2 hour just to get sorted - Mine loved watching from a bouncy chair - I used to sing silly songs about what I was doing as well .

Flylady.com is great for helping you get some routines in place

I think lots of couples go through some version of this on their way to being families. I agree that leaving him alone for 24 hours (just bring the baby to you for feeds if bfing) is the only way to sort this out. Or get a cleaner if you an afford one.

Also I recommend the book 'What mothers do: especially when it looks like nothing'.

I used to get so annoyed with DH for not understanding / pulling his weight / asking for too much etc, but I have to say that three years and one more baby down the line, we have achieved a good balance. He's become the dad and partner I used to wish he'd be - not because of anything I've done, but just because he's grown into the role, just as I've come to accept just how much of my time will be taken up by housework (and I'm a bit of a slattern).

Becoming a parent changes so much, it takes time but you do all find a way in the end.

Great post Omicron!

When you return home after the first time they've had a day / weekend with the baby is amazing: a bit like how you look at your own mum with new eyes after having a baby.

My DH would behave himself for a whole 2 weeks afterwards. And make me cups of tea (which is saying something, as he is not a tea-drinker himself).

Thanks Arwen .

yanbu it's maternity leave not fricking housekeeping leave. and who the hell does he think he is to be announcing that he is going to be doing bugger all? or does he think this is 1952?

I agreed with my DH that I would take responsibilty for the housework when I became a SAHM. However, I insisted on my full maternity leave (12 months) before the shift in responsibilities kicked in.

My DS didn't start sleeping through at night until 14 months - and I really wasn't in a fit state to function and do more than get DD to and from school on time. However when I felt able to I would VOLUNTARILY do as much round the house as possible. We both had to muck in and get on with it, and we both had to make allowances for the changes we faced.

18 months later and we are all gradually settling into a new routine - the only ground rule is that DH doesn't get to criticise how I do my job and I won't criticise how he does his.

I am not the most organised of people and would agree with those of you who say that it is not unreasonable to do the household stuff during the week while he is at work, just have to figure out how not to create so much mess when it is just me and a baby Seems to take me ages to do anything as start about 6 things and never seem to get them finished! Have started writing myself lists so get one thing done at a time so getting there. I will def not go for the doing everything at weekends though, but will try to make sure that I do enough during the week that there is not much left for w/e, fair compromise? Much of his reason for not wanting to do housework is to spend more time with DS which is a good reason, better than because he wants to sit on his arse. He has to get used to spending time with DS whenever it is needed though, not just when he has had a shower, got dressed, had breakfast etc. (This coming from the stinky woman who has still not had a shower yet today )

To repeat what everyone else has said - YANBU, he is, and it is hard to see why he thinks having a baby should mean less work for him, while you work all waking hours. With a paid job, you get evenings, weekends, and importantly nights free. If you are looking after a baby you get none of these, just odd times when the baby is asleep, therefore naps as well as the occasional sit-down watching TV are necessary to stop you going insane. And for the sake of your mental health you also need to get out of the house most days and get some fresh air.

DH respects the work I do being always on call for baby comforting, and he tries to help out where he can. And I try and respect the fact that some days I've had a relaxed time and seen a friend while he's had a really tough day in the office. I don't think it sounds like your DH is showing you much respect.

It is totally unreasonable of your DH to say this if you have a two month old baby. As for the evenings - he should definitely help you clear up dinner and tidy round the house before bed. And at the weekends he should do proper housework OR pay for a cleaner to come during the week.

After making this point this morning I must have spent at least an hour today reading all the AIBUs so maybe he has a point about me having time on my hands Should never have discovered MN!

Sitting down reading threads on MN is quite reasonable! Housework is tiring - reading MN is relaxing. And you have just had a baby - you should be relaxing as much as possible.

Whilst I think you should do most of the housework during the week, he should still pull his weigth at the weekend and I would say that this is something that you need to get sorted out now rather then leaveit otherwise you'll just feel more and more pissed off with him.

Do you have a babysitter who could do a couple of hours whilst you go ourt for a chat?

Your baby is 8wks.... only? and he's backing off the support already????

I had 'F' all support bar 2 nights when he took over one feed, but he did at least feed me during the rest of the time... (ex-chef - damned good...)

Don't put up with it OP, give him the babe for the weekend, and see what happens..

In TIME you will get yourself into a routine, IN TIME... 8 weeks is far too soon.

he is being outrageous, never mind unreasonable... this indeed needs to be sorted out sooner rather than later.