Being a bit put out by my friend

[SparklyAlice]

I think this may be my first AIBU, and i do expect to be told that i am.

My friend lives with her boyfriend. She has recently started shagging another bloke. The other bloke doesn't care for her, just enjoys the sex, she says that doesn't matter, she just needed a bit of fun.

I told her that she should be very careful as someone will end up getting hurt. To think very carefully about what she wants.

Saturday was DD's birthday. Friend was meant to be helping with party (she is DD's godmother) 1 hour after the party has started i ring her to find out if she is coming. No reply. 15mins later she rings back to say everything has gone wrong, what should she do, etc... I say that i can't hear very well, very busy, kids running around, can she pop in after the party?

At some point during the party i turn around to see her sat in a corner, she hadn't told me she had arrived, then she left.

Today she rings me to tell me it has been sorted, has managed to lie her way out of it, big relief, everything will now be ok. I told her (again) to think very carefully about what she wants. If she wants to stay with her BF, she shouldn't have lied to him (shouldn't have cheated too tbh) but as far as she is concerned it is all ok now. She can't understand why the other bloke is not bothered that her BF found out (duh! She knew he only wanted a bit of fun)and didn't really like what i had to say to her. I didn't get angry, i didn't bring up the party, i just told her that i didn't think what she is doing is a great idea. She then tells me how wonderful her other friend has been in helping her concoct this story to get her off the hook

She saw the party pictures on Facebook and was laughing at how miserable she looks in the background of nearly all the pictures.

So, AIBU to want to give her a shake and tell to think about other people for a change? Grrrrrrr

If you do, be prepared for the possibility of losing the friendship.

YANBU. Stick to your guns. You are right, if she wants it to work out with BF, then telling lies (and cheating) is not the way to do it. However, it's also not your business, so try to avoid discussing with her. You have said your piece. She's only annoyed cos you are not in there 'helping' her lie.

I get cross with her because she asks for my advice and then doesn't like it. I am not mean to her at all, just advise her to look at her life and what she wants, and if she is cheating then chances are she is not happy

She's annoyed with you because, deep down, she knows you're right.

Unfortunately while she is in this situation she wont see sense, something similar happen with me and one of my friends a couple of years ago, she was on the verge of having an affair with her boss, she asked my advice (but deep down i think she was looking for my approval) i told her some home truths and at the time i was the worst in the world for telling her straight, but now when she looks back she realises i was right and we laugh about it

There is not alot you can do, apart from keep giving her good advice and be there for her when it all comes out, because it will it the end

YANBU at all, IMHO, you are a saint for not mentioning that she loused up DD's special day.

Thanks all

DH agrees with you Cheapskate, so i know he thinks IABU mostly because i haven't had a go at her

She is my best friend but she thinks she is this 'woman of the world' but it doesn't wash with me so when we are together i get to hear all the problems that she doesn't want to admit to anyone else. Which is the reason i have told her what i have, rather than trying to get her out of it iyswim?

You're not BU to want to give her a shake (and you are very restrained not to have mentioned that her behaviour on you DD's birthday was a bit ) but I would stay well out of it if you want to remain friends.

She is supposed to be coming over this evening, but i am ashamed to admit that i cancelled because i am shattered and would find it hard to not be too blunt this evening

Good move Sparkly, cancelling is best, I know how pissy I can get if mildly tired and mildly cross with the person happen to coincide...

Woman of the World? FGS! she's living with a guy and banging another on the side.. there are many names and terms for that, 'woman of the world' isn't one of them.

I'd seriously consider my friendship with someone obviously capable of such betrayal. I'd certainly place her at arms length for a while , till she manages to locate what's left of her dignity.

I must admit, from the outside it doesn't look like much of a friendship. But she is a very nice person, good fun and generally a good friend (also babysits for free ) but she can be a bit self obsessed. There is genuinely no malice there, just flakyness, IYSWIM? I am just cross because she is doing wrong by herself and because she was a bit thoughtless about the party.

I am totally agreeing to the keeping a distance until she gets herself sorted out though.