to think DS's reception teacher has a compassion-bypass?

[misshardbroom]

Last week we had a fire at home - thankfully not the house, just the garden shed set on fire by local scallies, but it was quite spectacular at the time and warranted a fire engine etc. Also, it happened at bedtime, and right outside DS1's bedroom window, so he was all nerves a-jangle afterwards.

So the next day when I took him to school, I spoke to his reception teacher and told her what had happened, and that he was rather anxious & edgy about it, and that he wasn't sleeping well as a result.

As the week progressed, it was evident something had upset him at school because he was waking in the night crying about school and saying he didn't want to go, etc. I asked DD about it (she's in Yr 1), and she gave me a rather garbled account of how he'd been upset at school because some girls in his class (yes, 4 year olds) had told him 'we're going to kill your sister'. Apparently his TA had seen DD at lunchtime and suggested she went to find him so he could see that she was fine (and hadn't been killed by reception age girls, etc etc).

So on Friday when I collected him, it happened to be the TA who was letting them out, so I asked her about it. Apparently, these girls had said this in class, and it had resulted in DS1 being really hysterically upset. The TA told me that the class teacher had sorted it out, but that when she (TA) had seen DD at lunchtime, she had thought it would be an idea to send DD to find DS1.

I mentioned about our fire at home to the TA and this was the first she had heard about it.

So am I being incredibly precious, or do you think that the teacher should have a) told me that my child had been terribly upset, given that I had warned her he was a bag of nerves following a fire at home; and b) shared the information about the fire & DS1's resultant anxiety with the TA?

And if you were me, what would you do? I don't want to stir it up and be a PITA, but given that DS1 has another 2 terms in that class and then DS2 will be in reception next year, I feel I want to flag up that this isn't great and has pissed me off.

Thanks if you've read this far. Sorry it's long and complicated.

nobody?

I think it is unacceptable for children to say they are going to kill each other, and I would speak to the teacher or head.

Well just as a matter of courtesy and common sense she should have told both you and the TA what was going on with your DS.

But, on a professional level, one vital element of the Early Years Foundation Stage Framework (the statutory framework that covers children from birth to the end of reception year) is the sharing of information about children between parents and the various practioners delivering care and education as discussed here.

I would have a quiet word with the teacher and say that you appreciate that she's busy but in future you'd like her to share any such information about your DS with both the TA and you, otherwise he won't be learning much if he's too upset to enjoy school.

great stuff, TidyBush, this is really helpful. I think this is what has bothered me the most, the fact that the home-school dialogue has (in this instance) been entirely one sided.

actually id be rather pissed off about that too i think, sounds like she didnt take it very seriously. id perhaps mention the fire again and tell the teacher that you would appreciate knowing if anything else happens as your DS is having a bit of a wobble due to the fire you had, i think that as he has just had an upset at home the teacher should be speaking to the girls in question and perhaps just keeping a bit of an eye open for problems. id just mention it again and explain what happened and that it could have just made his anxiety worse.

Agree with Milly, I would also be saying something about the girls that threatened to "kill" his sister. It's unacceptable - I would demand an appointment with the Head about it and don't think that would be unreasonable. Sometimes you have to be a PITA to get results.

Hope your DS is feeling better now, poor little lad.

I would be pissed off too- the teacher should have been keeping a closer eye on him after his upset and the TA should also have been made aware of the fire and effect it had had on your son. I would ask to see the class teacher and talk about it. If she isn't listening now it will be a very long and hard 2 years for you. If you are still not happy you are entitled to take it to the head, but a poite chat should hopefully sort it out.

YANBU, the teacher should definitely have shared with the TA what you told her and also reported straight back to you what had happened to make him upset. I think you are quite within your rights have a private chat with this teacher and explain that you were disappointed with how this was handled. If something like this happens again, then I think you should take it to the head.