to uproot my family for my job?

[ineedalifelaundry]

Bit of background, sorry it's long...

I have been in my job for five years, and I have been passed up for promotion once, and have felt generally unhappy for a while. My DH has been nagging me for ages to change jobs but I haven't done anything about it because I fell pregnant 2 years ago and had a year off on maternity leave.

I returned from mat leave just a couple of months ago and negotiated hard with my boss to get part time hours, because I didn't want my DD to go into full time childcare just yet. So I am currently working 2 days per week. However, my DH has been (unexpectedly) very short of work since around the time I returned to work, so we are currently trying to survive on my part time salary. Our savings have all but disappeared and we are teetering on the brink of serious debt.

Following emergency discussions recently on how we could deal with this situation, we have decided that I need to look for a full time job in a new workplace so that my DH can be a SAHD for a while.

So, I saw my dream job advertised - the only catch being that it's in a different part of the country and we would have to move. It's a part of the country we both love actually (we regularly go there on holidays) and and area we have always said we would like to retire to eventually. Even better, right?

Wrong. My DH is reluctant to move away because he could lose all his work contacts (although he hardly gets enough work to make it worth the money, it's work that he really enjoys and wouldn't have the same opportunities for in the new area), plus all our friends are here, we have spent a lot of money improving our house, we have just taken on an allotment close by ... in other words, we are really quite settled where we are. Its also very central in the country and easy to access most of the major UK cities etc, whereas the new place is in the back of beyond and near nowhere.

To my amazement, I have been shortlisted and asked to interview, but I'm considering withdrawing rather than go to the trouble and expense of attending (cost of travel etc) when DH is so unhappy with the idea. Yet this seems to me to be a opportunity of a lifetime, and as I've been nominated breadwinner, shouldn't I be able to pursue my career dreams?

I've never been to an interview where they haven't offered to pay travel expenses. Alarm bells would be ringing for me if they didn't offer.

interesting thread - difficult decisions for you and your family. I think one thing that hasn;t been mentioned is the medium-long-term prospects/view and the age of your dcs. You are obviously interested in your work and career - so you need to think about how long you're likely to want to stay in this job/with this employer and what you might want to do after. and tie that in with the age of your kids. we moved a year ago and may well move again (back to where we started) in a year - and having seen just how hard moving children can be (aged 8 and 6 at the time) - I know that the decision we make in a year's time will need to be a long-term one. Once the girls are at secondary school I really can't imagine moving them again. I know that people do, and I'm not saying it's impossible, just that it would be extremely hard and I don't think I could do it.

I guess what I'm saying, is that in addition to doing all the pros and cons, and looking at opportunities for your dh, you need to look at the bigger/long-term picture, including embracing the possibility that this could be a permanent move. or not.

but I also think you should go to the interview.

I was always brought up with the fact that you moved for a job. My father had 3 big moves when I was a child-it was unsettling to uproot, but I think he was right.You go where the work is. I can understand it if your DH had a full time job-but he hasn't.

Some food for thought there hatwoman, thanks for that.

We have one DD who is one year old, so the impact on her at least would be minimal.

...So? How was the interview?

hollyhobbie thanks for asking! The interview went ok I think, although inevitably I have since thought of lots of things I wish I had or hadn't said...

No job offer has been made yet as it's in the area very badly affected by floods this week so the decision making people haven't had an opportunity to meet and discuss. I think my chances are middling. There was one other candidate, she seemed a strong contender (we were thrown together for much of the day) but I really can't predict the outcome.

My DH is feeling more positive about the possibility of the move though, so I'm less worried on that score

Just have to wait for a decision
[nail biting emoticon]

Hiya ineedalifelaundry my DP also works in the music industry. What area are you thinking of moving to? (Please feel free to CAT me if you'd prefer).

North West England

I haven't read the other replies properly and it's a bit different as I'm on my own but I have recently moved from West Sussex to Yorkshire for a job, just me and my 2 year old ds. No family or friends for about 250 miles
Honestly, hand on my heart, best thing I've ever done.
But like you say you have DH to think about too.
RE the interview, I felt the same as you, what was the point in paying to come up here if I wouldn't accept the job, but it is a good opprtunity to see how you feel and you may regret it if you don't. At least if you go to interview you still have the option.
Good luck x

My DP is away till later in the week, I'll ask him what he knows about music industry work in NE England when he gets back.

Good luck for the interview result, I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you.