To be annoyed at people that think that a 2.8 year old should be potty trained by now

[pigletmania]

I have encountered some people RL and not that think that any child over 18 months should be potty trained. My frind from India said that they train them in India at about 9 months! How, when the nevers between the brain and bladder are not fully developed. I have heard that Europeans think that English people are lazy because their children are toilet trained later.

IMO surely if the child is not ready, no amount of training will work. I tried my 2.8 year old in knickers and sat her on the potty every hour in the summer she did not understand a thing, and gave up after 2 weeks, i tried later in October and put her in knickers and sat her on the potty regularly but while the poo bit was nearly sorted, she had no concept of going for a wee and that she was wet and could not tell you wether she had done a wee or poo despite me perservering for a month and a half. So i put her back in pull ups but still put her on the potty regularly

maybe i had it easy but DS was 2.2 and although teh first few days there were a lot of accidents on about the 3rd / 4th day he got it. we spent two days though sitting on a potty/toilet every 15-20 minutes, with rapturous applause when he got it right and a smartie.

I was extremly lucky and lived thousands of miles away from my mother and mil so had no comments about potty training.

I started potty training when dd was ready - asking for the potty. She was 2.5 and was trained in 2 days.

She started uni 2 years ago. Believe me, nowhere on the application form did it ask what age where you potty trained!!

Ignore the idiots who try and pressurise you. She is your dd. Tell them to mind their own business.

We started with ds at 2.6yrs and he's only just reliably clean and dry now at 3 next week. I feel pretty sure that if we'd started last week we'd be at much the same stage now.

The thing with ds was that he wasn't asking to go, or telling us if he was wet or dirty until really quite recently. I think that is absolutely key and if I'd been sensibly I'd have waited until I felt sure he was ready rather than when my friends' and relatives' dcs were ready.

After all, my friends and relatives weren't doing my laundry...

I think in the 'olden' days, what mothers did was effectively toilet timing, rather than toilet training. i.e. predicting when child is likely to wee etc. and catching it in a potty. Easier probably because feeding was often more rigidly timed. As some one said - it would have saved on washing.

We used chocolate buttons with DD, she responded well lol. I was worried about taking her out and thought of using pull ups but decided against it in the end and just take her to the toilet as soon as we get chance and then every half an hour or so.

A lot of the time DD tells us 'quick wee wee/poo poo coming and she can hold it for a short while, while we find a toilet. I also got one of those portable potty things which has been a god send for me to be honest.

If your DD is not ready right now I would go back to nappies/pull ups and try later.

yy kurri. Ds's "successful" days until recently tended to be the ones where we weren't doing much and I took him to the potty very regularly, and also his drinks and snacks were very regular.

I'm not great with fixed routines though and ds is a flexible child. Up til now his bladder was less flexible so that's maybe why it took longer for us. Now he can hold a wee or poo in until he wants to ask for the toilet and we get there (well, most of the time).

do it when she is ready - and that could easily be when she is well over 3. When she wants to do it and can tell you she has been and when she needs to go.

I have done very little with my dd that you could call potty training but she has wanted to do it and is doing very well at 2.2. DS took 6 months to train from 3.5.

It really isn't anyone elses business and as lots of people have said - in the long term it doesn't matter at all and you can save yourself alot of misery and laundry by waiting a bit longer.

She will get there in the end!

My pet subject currently! In hindsight I potty trained DC1 too early and it was a nightmare for a long time. DC2 was OK - maybe a little bit early, but his friend was trained and he wanted to join in. With DC3 I trained at 2.8 years and he just wasn't ready. He was trying so hard and getting upset when he had accidents, so I left it for 6 months so he would forget the process. We started again 3 weeks ago and there has been no 'training' involved, he knows exactly what to do and when to do it and it has been bliss. . Go with your instinct.

oh I'm talking about pre-WWII type era and when my mum was a toddler (30s) - there wasn't the money or facilities that there are these days (for a lot of people) so the need and motivation to get toddlers out of nappies was much higher. Lifestyle plays a part too and women (I'm guessing not many men toilet trained babies!) were more home-based back then too.

All I'm saying is that the older generation (over 70s/80s) were perhaps motivated to have nappy-free youngsters in a way that we perhaps are not today.

Thanks for all the helpful advice it is so appreciated, i dont think that she is ready. Dd tells you when she does wee or poo in potty but not in her knickers she will just carry on playing despite having wee and poo in her knickers with not a care. People have said that it will be so easy when they are ready, and mum said the same with me. DD is still very young for her age and seems not interested about being like her other friends who are potty trained.

I believe the motivation to have babies/toddlers nappy-free is also quite high in those countries/environments where facilities are poorer too - which makes sense really

I had no idea whtehr DS was "ready" - I strated to potty train him when the frequency of weeing in his nappy dropped and when I wanted him out of nappies (ie well before starting nursery to minimise accidents at nursery).

I used pull-ups despite all advice to the contrary and was mean to him for about a week (made him sit on the potty when he didn't want to!). He started at 2 and was clean and dry by 2.5 and dry at night by 3 (but that was luck tbh rather than training).

Once they can control thier bladder they can be potty trained - which obviously varies by child. Whether its the right time for you is a different matter!

In Kazakhstan children are "potty- trained" by about 1yr but its not really potty training - you just plonk them on a potty after every meal and when they wake up and they stay there until they wee/poo. They don't learn to judge when they need to go for a while after.

Mind you if I had to soak and wash by hand poo'ey nappies I'd do the same.

I definitely read some research which suggested that at 4, those starting training before 2 were having more accidents at 4 than those trained after 2.

'Potty timing' was how my gran described what they used to do, when boiling nappies on the stove was the alternative. Basically after having no luck training DD1 with the cold turkey, straight into character pants methods, I put her in cloth nappies with no waterproof wrap and made a note of how long she could go without a wee (1hr 45mins, suprisingly regular). I did this for 2 weeks and then put her in pants and on the potty at the correct time. Had to get my dad to make her do poos on the potty though, she asked for a nappy to do them in so no issues with sensation! If I had waited until she was 'ready' to a tick list she would still be in nappies now I am sure.

Yes I also agree with wouldlovetoknow and kurrikurri about things being different years back. Much more motivation to get them out of nappies, and potty training was more sitting them on the potty til they did something, then letting them run around for an hour then sitting them down again. So catching it when it came rather than the DC knowing what was all happening.

Both my DDs were just on two when toilet-trained (I chose not to teach them to use a potty). That was 10 and 12 years ago. I didn't follow any prescribed advice on when to teach them, it was just clearly the right time.

Seems odd to me that there should be a recommended time for potty/toilet training.

yes, the sitting them on the potty til they did/do something is much easier when you have a less hectic, more home-based lifestyle too (not saying that we should ditch our modern lifestyles though!).

Add message | Report | Contact poster By pigletmania Sat 14-Nov-09 17:26:28
oh Babies how did you potty train from birth wow never heard of that.

We used Elimination Communication. It starts off as timing, popping baby on potty when YOU know they need to go and moves slowly to completely child led toileting, when they decide when and where (well potty or toilet)

BEW oh i have heard of it, how can you tell if a baby needs a wee as its more difficult imo. Do you put any pants on them if you are travelling. how do you put a newborn on a potty if they cant support themselves?

I had this from mother in law, they will go when they are ready, ds was one year old, dd2 was 3 1/2 and my Ds3 was 3 for wees but had nappies on for poos until a few weeks ago, he is nearly 4 and he still has them on at night.

Babies wee after a sleep, after a milk feed and often have a 'tell' the rest of the time.

With my daughter she went into pants at 9 months old (trainer pants).

You hold a newborn on a small plastic round bowl (like a mixing bowl) until they can sit up on their own.

I don't know much about e.c - does the baby wear a nappy at night?!

DS toilet trained at 3.0 and dry at night a few weeks later. We did attempt it a few months earlier but it was a massive failure. DD has just been trained at 2.9 within a few days. IMO, the longer you leave it, the easier it is. Job done in a few days if they're ready rather than a protracted process over weeks/months. (Cold turkey both times and pullups for long journeys in the 1st month or two - washing a car seat is seriously NOT fun!)

"I don't know much about e.c - does the baby wear a nappy at night?!"
If you are a hard core ECer it is no nappy. I have a life and bed share so we use nappies at nap time with my daughter.

My son is backed up with nappies but given toilet options, when I pop him on the potty and he either wees or does nothing and just gets up again