to want to spend xmas by myself with my children

[drinkmoretea]

while dh is working abroad and not traipse halfway across the country to stay with my parents?

No, yanbu. Family is important, but Christmas is about you and your children. I would love a parent and in-law free Christmas. The time you have with your kids is too precious. Also, why should it be you that travels half way across the country?

YANBU, with dh away you'd probably feel a bit sad and its better to do that in your own environment.
(I nearly said happy Xmas then but its faaaar too early) but I hope you do what is good for you and your dcs.

I have to fundamentally and completely disagree. Christmas IS about family - the whole family. As parents we get our kids pretty much 24/7. Our parents and ILs get access to their kids (us) and grandkids (the dcs) on a much more limited basis. Seems so so selfish to me to exclude the gps. How special for them to spend such a magical time with the gcs.

After 2 major health scares with my parents last year I am acutely aware we are on borrowed time with them and want to maximise the time and memories my dcs have with and of them. Even though they only live 40 mins away they will be staying over for 3 or 4 days over christmas.

That said, I agree its not ideal for you to travel half way across the country. Can you invite your parents to stay with you?

YANBU you should do whatever you want. Perhaps visit them at some point beofre or after christmas so they are not lonely

I am having everyone here this year and I am excited already but then again I am odd like that

Thanks for the replies..

Its not that I don't want to see them, its the logistics of travelling over 100 miles to them, I have a small car and struggle to fit my bags in for the week let alone presents for dts, especially as their main present is a bike!!

I would love them to come to me but I know they won't, the rest of my family are near to them including my grandmother who lives alone and has dementia.

If you´re happy to do it, the do it!

I have never felt guitly about the Christmases spent without parents/ILs.

Could you stay at home for Christmas day and then stay with them later? Then you don't have to take their presents with you.
We tried Christmas with just our little family one year and we found that it just felt a bit flat... we missed the mayhem of the whole extended family together

Shockers- that's exactly what I'd like to do but just know my mum will throw a strop! :-(

I agree with Shockers - why not stay at home on Xmas day and go up on Boxing day for a few days and then reconstruct Christmas then?

Unless you are religious, I don't think there are any 'shoulds' about Christmas. There is no right way it ought to be done, I think people trying to make christmas perfect, or live up to some ideal of what christmas is about is the cause of stress for many people who are unable to do this. I think you just need to do what will make everyone happy (you, your children - what do they want to do, if old enough to ask, and your parents) and then find a compromise between them.

Therefore I think going up on Boxing day and perhaps staying for new year or something might be a good compromise for everyone.

That said, I will be spending Christmas day with my folks - it makes them happier and I get out of the hassle of having to cook Christmas dinner! Every cloud has a silver lining and all that!!

I want to stay home to, I have 4 kids and its my oldest daughters last one at home, but i have to trail my kids 360 miles to see relatives aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh

ellokitty so agree - unless you are religious there are no must/should do'd about Christmas and get a bit sad at all the ''must do everything your family demand/ask of you '' posts. I hate peoples' assumpition that what is important to them should be important to eeryone els

Still putting off the conversation with my mother...

Its ridiculas feel bloody 12 again!

Well, how do your children feel about it? When I was little we went to my dad's parents every Christmas Day until I was about 8 and my sister 12. We rebelled that year because we wanted to just be in our own house by ourselves (and not eat her shockingly bad cooking). My sister and I loved it - not just the better food but playing with our new toys and the old, watching what TV we pleased, just relaxing! My gran probably wasn't too happy about it, but she presumably got over it.

I know your circumstances are a bit different, but it could bolster you if you knew your children would like/prefer it and it could be used as an argument against travelling with your mother.

surely the bikes are the killer argument?

cant get them to you without the kids seeing them- will want to spend all day playing with them- want to be at home for daddy's call/webcast etc.

think you just need to decide and act- today- unless you get a kick out of agonising decisons!

Thanks, def need to make a decision. Will speak to dt and see what they would prefer, don't know why I didn't think about asking them before really.

Not been sleeping because I'm worrying about it!