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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask mum to give the DCs money for Christmas...

21 replies

katechristie · 12/11/2009 16:56

Mum insists on spending £50 on her grandchildren for Christmas and birthdays. It is extrememly generous of her, especially as she doesn't have a lot of money, - stepdad died a couple of years ago and she's now on her pension, but it's a pride thing with her to a degree - she wants to show she can spend this much (plus of course she loves the DCs to bits!).

However, DS is 2.9 and DD is 7mo. She wants me to tell her what to buy for them, but by the time we've got our gifts for them, as well as other relatives, I can't get to £50 off her with gift ideas - at 7mo, DD doesn't really need that much, and anyway, all of the stuff we had for DS as a baby is still in good condition. I'd much rather she spent £25 each on them and put £25 in their savings account, than fill the house with even more plastic just for the sake of spending the money. What do you think? Is this ok and sensible or money grabbing for the DCs and ungrateful? we're getting DS a wooden train track this year, which is £50, but we won't necessarily spend that much on them both each Christmas / birthday ourselves, and I don't want them to expect this much each birthday and Christmas - or expect more from us if this is what nana is buying them.

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Wispabarsareback · 12/11/2009 17:09

Why don't you spend less yourselves on presents for DCs, and ask your Mum to get the things you'd have bought for them anyway? That way they get the things you wanted them to have, your Mum gets the pleasure of buying them something they'll really like/need, and you save money!

katechristie · 12/11/2009 17:16

well, we're only getting DS the train set off us, and 2 gifts for DD and we really want to buy these ourselves, as we want the pleasure of buying our DCs gifts ourselves. (sorry, don't mean to throw the suggestion back at you wispa, it really is a good one, and if we were buying lots of different things for them we'd do just that, but as we're only buying 3 things in total for the 2 of them, it's hard to do that). thank you for replying positively - I always worry what people will say with AIBU.

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katechristie · 12/11/2009 17:17

and oh my goodness, what about wispa GOLD bars are back -even better!

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Wispabarsareback · 12/11/2009 17:20

How about looking in some of the upmarket catalogues/websites - Great Little Trading Company and the like (there are masses - I seem to get at least 10 catalogues a day through the door at the moment). There may be stuff there that you haven't thought of that your Mum would like to buy. I know that I can always find loads of things in there for the DCs that I'd jump at if I only had the cash to spare...

Wispabarsareback · 12/11/2009 17:21

Do you know, I haven't even tried the Wispa Gold bars yet - I fear that if I started I just wouldn't stop...

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 12/11/2009 17:25

I think it is a good idea why don't you tell ehr you are hoping to put the money aside for between now and next christmas for some outside play equipment or towards the next stage car seat for dd later next year then she may still feel she is making a useful contribution.

katechristie · 12/11/2009 17:26

go for it, they are fab - and as they're quite rich, one is usually enough. thanks for that idea, must admit I have a stack of jojomaman bebe, blooming marvellous etc. catalogues with stuff I gaze at in wonderment every so often - in my other life... yes, she probably would be happy getting something traditional, good quality like that, thanks.

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Pheebe · 12/11/2009 17:31

What a lovely generous mum you have . My mum is too and its hard sometimes to reign her in as she enjoys spoiling her grandchildren so much.

Maybe suggest practical things like clothes (a winter coat or a new pair of shoes). Mum loves to know that she's given something so fundamental. Other ideas: art/craft materials, something for their bedroom. This way you're kind of 'diluting' the presents and avoiding the potential problem of the dcs 'expecting' big presents all the time.

You could suggest she puts some money in their government trust funds (assuming they have them) rather than just a savings account. We do this and told family that when they come of age they will know that their whole family have contributed.

Buda · 12/11/2009 17:39

What about suggesting that she buys them something small to give them on the day but then maybe gives you a voucher or something to put towards something for the garden in the summer?

AvengingGerbil · 12/11/2009 17:47

Do you do classes or anything with DCs that she could pay for instead? My mum has done things like Puffin Book Club/Weekly Comic/pocket money top-ups for mine - though maybe yours are a bit young yet.

easyoptionwoman · 12/11/2009 18:13

UANBU. Have asked MIL to stop buying so much plastic shite (in a non confrontational way) and basically suggested what she could buy. Explained that they get so much because of other grandparents, aunties etc. To spend money for the sake of it just seems wrong. My Mum hasn't a lot of money so she offers to look after kids for a weekend here and there - and she will take them swimming and they think that's fantastic. I would much rather that than a pile of stuff they just don't need or play with.
Know it's a cliche but sometimes I think they would be happy with a giant cardboard box (and my eldest is nearly 8).

katechristie · 12/11/2009 20:00

thanks all, useful suggestions and I don't feel like I'm being unreasonable at all now cheers .

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cat64 · 12/11/2009 20:13

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JTGPsmummy · 12/11/2009 21:00

YANBU, my DS is 21 months and most of the family come to me and ask what to buy him as I obviously know what he likes and already has. Last year as he was having a lot we asked my MIL for some money to put into his CTF and she thought it was a really good idea. My dad gave money which we kept aside for a while (DS's bday is in January) then in the summer bought DS a smart trike with some of the money. This year I really wanted to get DS a garage as he is car mad but found the younger ones are a bit young for him and the others tend to be 3+ so with any money, we are again going to keep it back and get him a really nice garage later in the year. I also liked the ideas of the catologues that come through the door. I have loads and would love to spend money in them but really can't afford it!

busybutterfly · 12/11/2009 23:06

YABU (sorry cos you do sound nice!)

Your mum probably loves buying for her adored grandchildren. Let her do it! You're lucky to have someone who wants to.

cat64 · 14/11/2009 16:08

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maryz · 14/11/2009 16:38

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Morosky · 14/11/2009 16:55

I would never dream of asking for money if I knew she was going to insist on buying something bigger I would let her buy whatever you were intending to buy. It does not really matter who it is from

cantmummyhaveabreak · 14/11/2009 17:11

I'd be inclined to maybe ask for the money to be spent on one small toy each and maybe a good quality nice outfit?... My mum spends the same amount on my DC's as i do (£200 each) and i have had to ask her to only buy 2 toys each and the rest to be on clothing/shoes or to be put inot savings account. We are only buying each of them a handful of toys and the rest will be spent on nice clothing to see them through most of the next year (only reason we spend so much, as 75% of it is clothing)...

diddl · 14/11/2009 17:15

50 gbp is a lot at such a young age.

I also think something small for bdays/Christmas & something for outside would be nice.

Or a tenner each & put the rest away.

Try & convince her to spend little while she can!

katechristie · 14/11/2009 21:07

thanks all for extra posts - it is useful to have all opinions. have told mum i'm struggling to come up with ideas up to that much money and how about she spend half now and then hang onto the rest and buy them something for the garden in the summer, seems to have gone down ok, thank you

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