to be near to tears over this ??

[MrsMorgan]

Dd1 and the bloody song and dance to get her to do her homework. She is in yr 7 and as far as doing work in school time she is brilliant, but homework is another story.

They don't get homework each lesson, but a 3 week long home learning project, 2 on the go at once time.

The latest 2 are supposed to be in tommorow. She has just about managed to finnish the one, but only because she could do a powr point presentation for it.

The unfinnished one is a report on healthy eating, including a questionnaire, graphs reporting the dat found etc etc. Over the 3 weeks I have offered to help several times and been told no.

So here we are, the night before hand in and she is nowhere near finnished and I am exhausted at the constant battle.

My mum said leave her and let her get into trouble and maybe then she will pull her socks up.

I can't believe I am so fucking upset about it.

How about a bit of incentive?

In my house ds's (16,13) have to earn their privileges ie playing games on games console etc. If you do your homework, you play your games for X amount, if you dont, you dont.

MrsMorgan - at 11 with the rest of secondary before her she needs to learn now how to get it done herself. I agree that letting her take the consequences for not doing it is the right way to do. Otherwise she will carry on expecting you to help her.

ABetaDad - I feel sorry for your son. He is only 7. The last thing he wants to do his homework. So of course he will do it as quickly and with as little effort as possible. I have an 8 year old DS and he is the same. I will encourage him and support him and help where necessary but I won't turn him off school and homework the way you are. When DS was in Year 2 they had to do a project of a model or drawing of their home. On the day they were due in it was hilarious and sad looking at what was brought in. The teachers know just which parents DO the projects and which help and encourage and which just let their DCs get on with it with no interest. I think you would be better with the gentle encouragement rather than what you described.

year 7 is probably the most difficult year for them mentally. It is a big jump from primary school to year 7 in every way.and it does take a while for them to settle in to a routine. You will have tears and tantrums and mine even said...i dont have time to be a child any more as there is so much homework. Laying the guilt trip on.

They will settle after they realise how much more effort they have to put in. Dont weaken to the tears and tantrums...try not to let it become a battle field as this has a negative effect.

when children make this transition from primary to secondary school they need to be given guidance as to how to plan.It is not something that comes naturally..and all this homework can be quite overwhelming.
If you get them to plan a work schedule of half an hour on and then 10 mins of facebook it really helps.
When it comes to exam time and they have many subjects to revise...this assistance with planning will really help with a revision timetable.
They can then fill in the table as suits there exam timetable.
Help them plan in the beginning and then everyone will reap the benefits

I genuinely don't understand why people think I have been unreasonable to make a child do his homework that he has been given a whole week to do.

It only involved choosing and copying 2 simple sentences on each planet from an age appropriate book on The Planets. I did encourage and remind him to do it nearly every day and offered to help him.

Is it not OK to make him do his homework when he is being lazy?

The day boarding idea was tongue in cheek - but we might do it when DSs are teenagers to avoid what the OP describes. We have suggeted it to them and they said they liked the sound of the idea. A bit of peer pressure and regular homework time is a big help in focussing the mind.

i'm going to jump in and agree with BetaDad here- if you want your child to learn good homework habits then they need to start being taught as soon as the child gets homewoek, however young they are.

ds had a nasty shock this year (y6) at the amount of homework he gets - we have told him it is nothing compared to what he will get next year and it is good preparation for him. he seems to actually understand this, despite the fact we have said the same thing las year, and the year before and the year before...

to the OP - cruel to be kind. much as we would like to we can't hold our children's hand forever

a friend of mine sent their child DS to a boarding school and they were not allowed computers for the first year...so that they A)would get on with their homework
and B) would make friends with new school mates.
This turned him into a very lonely boy who sort out his old friends the second he had a term break.

He evntually came back to a 'normal' school as he felt so lonely and the pressure of being made to do homework in such a regimented way ,made him very depressed.
I think you have to suggest things to our DC rather than make them otherwise it will always be a battle field

Would agree with Betadad too, not doing homework in my house is not an option.

I was like this as a child. I remember it vividly. The advice to let your DC fail is spot on. I can't remember my parents ever helping me with homework - checking it yes, advising, being around, enabling, maintaining a conducive environment (big rambling house in Dundee, whole huge room as a study) and so on.

Same with piano practice. Gaahhhh. The interminable hours of farking arpeggios... they just let me get on with it and reserved praise and congratulation for real results like concerts and exams. (If you congratulate too effusively for doing the basic of what is required there's no incentive to do better)

The times I do remember parents actively helping were when I was really enthused by a project and wanted to go above and beyond the requirement. So in a way they were neutral on most homework but positive when I was pushing for better. It may have been that most of the school work wasn't challenging me. (sounds big headed I know).

You sound like a really supportive parent in no danger of being pushy.

ps MrsM, there will come a time when the content of the school work is too specific for you to help substantively with it (unless you plan to read all the GCSE set texts and re-lean calculus alongside your daughter!). At that point all you can offer is the environment, the planning, the bringing of juice and biscuits...

i agree with abetadad too - i have friends who think primary school kids should get NO homework ("if they cannot teach them what they need to know in all the hours they have them why should they expect us to do their job for them" etc)- letting your kids know that you do not value their homework sets up a vicious circle - why should they then ever bother, and HOW will they make the leap when they do go to secondary and have to do homework.

3 months of advice and both thankfully came thro it all ok. DS2 is still in the system and DS1 walked thro it with a well planned homework and revision schedule. It really stopped the stress. Thankfully the palnnning has carried on throughout school life and now to uni..... Their school reports commented on how well planned they were ...big...but ultimately it is down to them and you have got to let them trip up to realise where they are going wrong.

Abeta dad, I am totally with you on this one.
My ds is nearly 8 and I'm sorry, but he is naturally very lazy laid back and as a result is falling behind more motivated peers.

His teacher thought he had Aspergers as sometimes he is quite dreamy in class.
Over the last week I've been on his case re: spellings, times tables, writing at home and it's already amazing to see the difference in such a short space of time.I'm sorry, but 20 mins a day, really isn't going to kill him ,even though to hear him complain you'd think I was:

'Oh mum, I'm so tired, I just want to play with my lego, you're ruining my life' etc etc

Its the lying to me - 'I did it Dad' I just can't stand. All I ask is a bit of respect for me and the teacher to do what is asked.

Shoving the homework in the bag and saying it is done when it really has not been done at all and then throwing a tantrum when found out is just too much. I cannot let that go. I don't expect perfection or excellence. I don't expect anything other than just being basically compliant and adequate.

I too am amazed by people who think children should get no home work at Primary school. That said, we did move DSs out of a very intensely selective Prep school where we felt that homework and academic pressure was really ruining many kids lives. We don't want that either. We want willing children who are happy at school (which our DSs really are) but doing homework badly or not at all because they cannot be bothered is not an option either and not good for them.

ABetaDad - I am not suggesting that you let your DS away with not doing his homework. You reminded him. He did it. He just didn't do it to your standards. But he is 7! He doesn't have your standards. And his teacher won't expect him to.

As I said earlier my DS is now 8 and in Year 4. After constant nagging about homework in Years 2 and 3 he is NOW mature enough to see the benefit of doing a little every night. He gets given homework on a Monday to be handed in on a Friday and now on a Monday in the car on the way home from school he works out how many pages he needs to do every night to have it finished in time. And he now sits himself at the table to do it. He still doesn't do it to MY standards but that is up to him and his teacher. We actually had Pop-In yesterday where we 'pop-in' to look at their work and there is a vast difference between what he produces IN school and homework at the moment. Last year there was not such a marked difference. The teacher says she expects that at this stage and after Xmas she will start to come down harder on homwork. It is all a gradual process and really at 7 and 8 they are still very young. Some countries don;t start formal schooling until 7!

Ds has just started year 7 too.

He dutifully does all his homework, but projects are another matter. Eg three weeks to do "a science presentation". On what? How? Only the particularly inspired would dive into this and not try to hope it would all go away.

I firmly believe these nebulous projects are a test only of parents. And a test of their patience more than their academic and creative skills. Because you can bet your bottom dollar that dh will be desperately cobbling something together at the last minute, with ds still refusing to engage, ensuing blazing row.... I'm leaving the country.

Thanks all, it is at least comforting to know that I am doing the right thing.

ABetaDad - My ds is nearly 7 and I am absolutly dreading when he has a project to do rather than a single worksheet.

I didn't ever get any help with homework, infact I don't remember anyone even giving a monkeys wether it got done or not.

She has two more projects to do before christmas and I will be suggesting that we draw up a timetable together. If she then sticks to it then I will think of some reward or other.

I have at the moment told her that the current project must be finnished before cheerleading on Sunday afternoon. If not she can't go and she will have to face the consequences (they aren't supposed to miss practice because of homework).

If that doesn't get her motivated then I don't know what will.

I agree fircone. If dd had homework given out each lesson, to be handed in for the next one then she'd be doing fine. It is the planning over a period of time, gathering the info and putting it all together as a project that she struggles with because she is lazy.