having an enormous-belly-laugh at this 'slimming tip'

[LovelyBertha]

OK ladies, this is a super way to shift that unsightly post-baby fat. I really should try it, apparently.

Breakfast: Bowl of uncooked oats, low fat yoghurt and a chopped-up apple.

Lunch: A cup of Marigold Swiss Vegetable Bouillon.

Supper: See lunch.

That's it.

That 'diet' sounds extremely dangerous. your kidneys would probably pack up from all the salt. OH, and after a week of it, you might be a bit thinner but once you started eating meals again, you would regain the weight you lost plus another stone or so - and congratulations! Your metabolism is fucked for the foreseeable future. So you will gain weight, follow another stupid fad diet, damage your metabolism further, gain more weight... ANd of course you will be doing far more damage to your health than if you just stayed not-that-slim and took no notice of the diet industry, which is the same sort of vile pointless con as religions are.

Well said SGB. Diets are rubbish. I know 'Dr' Gillian McKeith gets a lot of stick but she at least tells people just to eat healthily and take exercise.

I am laughing my head off right now...thank you all for this!! I have nothing witty to add...I think you've covered it all!!

Ulrik-ka-ka's tip reminds me of something I one read in a (quality) newspaper about Liz Hurley- her fabulous figure is down to always eating with children's cutlery from tiny weeny plates - because it fools you into thinking you've eaten more than you have.

Anyone who has ever shovelled half-eaten pasta and red sauce into their gob with an Igglepiggle fork will know that, infact, it fools you into thinking you didn't actually eat it at all.

Actually don't agree about 'Dr' Mckeith - she gets everyone living off a diet of mung beans and celery smoothies. (after looking at their poo of course)

I employ a more evolved version of Ulrika's tip. Simply get your dcs to stub their fags out on their plates when they've finished. MThis renders the leftovers inedible and means you can't smoke their fag ends becuase they're soaked in ketchup.

The chutney lady also eats nothing but beef jerky for "those swimsuit days" so I bet her breath smells lush. not.

I read Nadia Sawalaha saying 'if you really want chips in a restaurant, order them, eat a few, then pour your drink over the rest to stop you eating them'.

I also remember reading one of the super models saying 'I love dessert, I order it all the time. It's ok if you just eat a few bites and leave the rest'.

So now we know who's causing all this food waste - order it and bin it, girls.

Thats not a diet!

Eat a healthy diet in NORMAL proprtions and excersize!!!!

Imagaine how sore your stomach would get with hunger pangs after just a day of that! How ridiculous!

My mum is obviously just anorexic when it comes to sausages. She always manages to "detroy" them, then puts them on your plate destroyed side down in the hope you won't notice

You're right dittany. Anyway, the correct way to stay slim is to refuse to order chips in a restuarant then demand half of your DP's.

Simples.

problem with starvation dieting is that it puts the body in 'starvation mode'. When you DO eat, your body will store it as fat, because it thinks it needs to have reserves.
Even if you just have one day of not eating properly, it is enough to key your body into this mode.

The real trouble with the Ulrikakaka diet tip is that your tea would be far too strong!

'if you really want chips in a restaurant, order them, eat a few, then pour your drink over the rest to stop you eating them'.

• is anyone else thinking "Mmmmmmm, chips and wiiiiine!!" ?

I have just realised that I have loads of friends who do this.

I always order what I want to eat. It may well include chips. Cue other women saying "oooh I'm just going to have a small side salad without any dressing" and then they eat all my fecking chips.

Thin bastards.