to beg Mum to let my sick senile Dad see a doctor?

[toilettrouble]

I?ve suspected Dad has dementia for about five years. Odd flickers ? getting lost driving nearby, puzzling behaviour, occasional loopy reasoning ? have gradually got less random, more frequent - some aspects of dementia, such as getting lost - are now constant. He has also, intermittently, forgotten who I am. After a frightening car crash on a family holiday this summer, Mum muttered ?It?s Alzheimer?s ? I?ve been sure for years.? But she won?t take him to a doctor because ?It?s humiliating? and ?he would be angry?.

Last night Dad rang me and, turning on a sixpence from the article in the paper we were talking about, accused me of stealing from their house.

How do I persuade Mum to take action?

Could you go and talk to the doctor yourself?

I'm really sorry, it must be heartbreaking to think he has dementia

Talk to their doctor, you are still a relative and they need to listen to you.

Thanks so much. This is massively helpful.

But what do I do if the doc arrives and he's having a good day? Believe me, when he's on form, Dad could sell tickets he's so entertaining.

Aw, it is really hard. My mum found it really hard to accept when my Grandad got ill, she is a ward manager on a dementia ward, yet insisted that her Dad was completely well, even though everyone could see he wasn't. Eventually we persuaded her he was ill, and she took an objective look at him and realised how bad he was. It was very sad.

You have a hard journey ahead of you, try and remember that underneath it all, he is still your Dad, it is just the illness that makes him behave strangely. Take all the help offered, and contact the alzimers (sp?) society for help and advice.

I'm sure the sporadic nature of dementia is something doctors are used to, they won't think you're lying.

Def agree with others that it's worth talking to the doctor. I would tell the doctor just what you have told us, particularly the part about him sometimes being really on form (and you wouldn't think there was anything wrong at all), and at other times he isn't.

If there are indications that he is unsafe to drive, he may need to give up his drivers licence. I mention this possibility because if you are forewarned about it, it may be possible to put alternatives into place so he can still get around and doesn't find himself grounded for a time. I wish you the very best of luck.

Went through the same with my Great Uncle who was living with us. As with you it does sneak up quietly until it becomes obvious.

First, please don't take offence when he says things that hurt you, if he has Dementia or Alzheimers he can't help it. I can understand your mum feeling embarrassed, but it will get worse and she needs a lot of support.

With my family, the assessment was done over time with a lot of discussion with the family.

Thaks so much - this is great. Do you think that a doc could offer any treatment for Dad that I could use as a carrot to get Mum to cooperate?

I have hopefully mentioned Aricept (about which I know nothing) and explained optimistically that 'things are different to when Granddad (Dad's dad) had it.'

Maybe The Alzheimers Society would be helpful in talking to your Mum?

Its difficult being in the middle of a family thing. I would try to see if you can get your mum to accept a doctors assessment would be a good idea. Dementia can go on for years and you don't want to drive a wedge between you and your mum. My nan had an assessment with a doctor when it became apparent she had dementia my mum had the same worry that she would be on a 'good day'. She was, but the doctor took it very seriously and could see there was some degeneration.

Since my parents called in help from doctors/social services it has been such a weight off their mind.

I'm not aware there is any treatment as such, but I only have limited knowledge from my nan (she has some medication but as far as I know its not specifically to halt the dementia). There are different ways of coping with it though, in how you interact with the person, which can make it easier on the rest of the family.

As others said, the hardest thing can be the changes in the personality. My nan has become quite aggressive and can be nasty to my mum which she finds very difficult. We have to keep perspective that its not nan's fault and she is still the same person underneath it that we love.

Definitely contact the doctor, there are many different types of dementia, alzheimers is only one. Lewey body is quite uncommon but I am using this (cos I can't remember the names of any others) as an illustration. Apart from anything else, as flock says, his driving could be very dangerous. You wouldn't think twice about reporting someone who regularly drunk and drove would you.

Medication does exist, but it is difficult to get and won't make him better, only halt it at the point it is already at. There is lots of support out there though, you may need to kick up a fuss for it so it is worthwhile contacting an organisation who can advise you.