To contact the Police about a young man meeting my DD and trying it with other girls using Facebook/

[Vallhala]

My DD1 (14) accepted a request on Facebook from a stranger a few weeks ago. First the boy said he was 14, then 15, then 18. Despite all the past warnings from this paranoid mum she agreed to meet him in town when she was supposed to be at the local library.

I found out when I read texts on her phone saying he was a great kisser and she liked it when he puut her hands on her bum. Confronted her, got the inevitable denial, accusations of snooping etc and she's since been grounded, the FB account deleted and I've taken her moby from her. I knew no amount of stropping on my part would get results so I left it there and played it softly-softly.

Tonight she told me that he'd tried to persuade her to get naked in the local park and has now contacted many of her classmates via FB, asking at least 4 to meet with him. She gave me his FB details and of the scores of friends all but about 3 are young girls of my DDs age.

She's warned as many friends as possible to steer clear and told them what hes like, which I think is very brave of her. She asked me what we should do, I suggested the Police and she agreed so we contacted them and they are coming here tomorrow to talk to us.

Am I making a fuss about a young lad (he looks about 18 on the FB picture) trying it on with girls? After all, I was young once and I know boys/young men will try it on, its human nature, but... AIBU?

Er, no.

No YANBU , he is deliberately scouring facebook and striking up "friendships" with young girls. He is commiting an offence. He may look 18 , he may be 18 but he may also be older or not the person in the picture. He is an adult preying on underage girls.
You have done absolutely the right thing.

I agree - you have definitely done the right thing - my dd's are only small yet but the thought of all of this terrifies me - well done for having the guts to call the police!

YANBU
He may be a harmless lusty young lad using modern technology to meet girls but he needs to be reminded about the laws of this country regarding the age of consent because it does not appear that kissing and bum feeling are the only things on his wish list.

no YANBU.... he is dodgy at the very least and most likely older than he is saying many 20+ look 18 or younger.
get police and well done on you for being so calm and going softly.... well done on your dd for warning her friends and wanting to go to police.... totally the right ting to do... will be showing this thread to my dd2 who is also 14 and a facebook/bebo user.

You did the right thing obviously and glad to hear the police is following up on this lead.

MrsJM, he is the person on the FB picture - my DD confirmed it. I'd say that he was indeed about 18.

DD found one of his email addresses (she'd deleted most messages when I told her off and stressed the dangers in her actions). I Googled it and found that he is a chatter on various foreign chat sites but god knows what type they are and if they are innocent or not as the sites gave no such information. One such was "Selfi-Chat", the other "Recschatter".

Don't know if anyone can shed light on these websites?

I think I am doing the right thing and am certainly not worried about pointing the finger at the lad unnecessarily. Its just that we've all been through hell with other things recently and I don't need this, I guess!

YANBU.

At best, he's an oversexed teen who would benefit from the local police having a quiet word in his eye re age of consent etc.

At worst, well he could be a lot older than 18, and know exactly what he's doing.

either way, I dont think getting the police involved is disproportionate or wrong - not every girl he might meet will have a mum to look out for them as you have for your DD, or will have the sense your DD has shown to warn her friends. I think both you and your DD have handled this really well, btw.

Message to "DrLove*s daughter-

Darling, I know we mums are a pain in the ass and we worry too much but this is WHY we worry. I also am sure that your Mum is a good and caring parent and that you are well brought up and think that this wouldn't happen to you because you're not that stupid and Mum has taught you what the risks are.

Well thats what my daughter thought too! And so did I! My daughter is a sensible girl who likes to have fun and who doesn't like to have me being bossy, but even so she put herself at a terrible risk. Bear in mind too that we live in a town where two youngsters who trusted someone and which resulted in them being murdered so my daughter is well aware of the dangers of meeting up with strangers and vague aquaintances.

No-one wants to spoil your fun, but your safety MUST come first. Listen to your Mum!

Vallahla x

Guys - would I be wise to email school to ask them to make the youngsters extra aware of the dangers of FB, explaining why? Or is that best left to the Police?

God I'm indecisive tonight!

YANBU you have every right to be concerned, that FB profile might be totally ficticious and made up for all you know. I would contact the police, this sounds like a paedophile grooming.

oh sorry just read all the posts, even though that lad is only 18 he needs to keep his lusts underwrapps and reminded that the girls he is meeting are underage.

thanks vallhala ! . will you post about advice from police when you get a chance ?. im hoping this turns out ok for you and your dd. it does sound like grooming.
did you take note of his "profile"/name on facebook.? i think thepolice might have special squad for catching these guys on chatrooms.

yanbu.your being sensible and cautious.

Yes Drlove, I've got the details saved on my laptop bookmark.

I know that what I wrote to your DD sounds daft to any 14 yo girl but its meant from the heart.

I'll certainly post the police's advice when they've left tomorrow.

I just hope the band for my broken Dyson appears in the post beforehand or I'll be very when they arrive to a dog-haired covered house!

think the police will be too interested in mr facebook to notice a few dog hairs !i hope they get him .

Update:

A very reassuring policeman arrived here this evening. He took all the details and consulted his sergeant, who is responsible for this kind of matter. DD admitted tonight that this young man had tried to lift her top and persuade her to "go further", but was not (thankfully) forceful.

The police officer did some checks and returned to say that although no crime had been carried out they would be talking to the man very firmly and gathering information in case of similar incidents in the future and to prevent them too. He is known to police but not for sexual crime, we were assured. The PC couldn't say what but smiled and agreed with my suggestion that the man may be known to them for being a bit of a prat and a pain and not the brightest button in the box.

Hopefully this will all ensure that he gets the message that he can't behave like this. The police took it all very seriously and I have no doubt that the guy will be made very aware that they are watching him.

I don't think there is much you could do that would be an overreaction in this instance.

You absolutely did the right thing and I would also speak with the school about more messages about meeting strangers etc. It seems the message just doesn't get through.

Hope this is the end of it for you and that your DD has learned a valuable lesson

Good for you.

Well done you valhalla you definitely did the right thing, he sounds like a total perv.
Did the police confirm his age at all?
It's just that it's so easy to look much younger than you are. I'm close on 28, but I keep getting ID'd for alcohol because apparently I only look about 19.