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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Xmas to want to spend equal amounts on both children

19 replies

midsummereve · 06/11/2009 21:19

although my daughter is not even 2 yet,aibu I have had advice to say my daughter wont know the value of money only I will, and its her bday in jan so can get her something else and as she gets older it will be different I feel guilty please advice.

OP posts:
dreamteamgirl · 06/11/2009 21:29

I have never worked on spenind x-amount oer person, just getting nice things they want. I agree with not getting her less just because it is her birthday tho

PrettyCandles · 06/11/2009 21:31

Not entirely sure I understand, but it seems to me that the real value of a present is what the recipient feels about it.

We didn't buy ds2 (our 3rd dc) anything for his first birthday - all his presents were toys that his db and dsis had had at that age, but had been put away for him. We didn't even buy wrapping paper. We had one sheet of fantastic purple and silver 'foil', and wrapped one present loosely in it. He pullled the wrapping off, played wit it, then played with the toy. While he was playing with the first toy, we wrapped the second toy in the discarded piece of foil!

So, where we stingy? No, I don't think we were. Ds2 adored all his presents, even played with that one piece of foil for months, until it wore out. The fact that we didn't spend any money on the presents is quite irrelevant.

As far as the sibling is concerned, they need to see that their db is valued, so they need to see him receiving presents as well, not being fobbed off with some junk. But the sibling will also value things differently to you, so what you may think cheap tatt (eg a stocking-filler type of toy) they may consider to be the bee's knees.

bigchris · 06/11/2009 21:32

i dont understand your post

are people slagging off how much you want to spend on her? none of their business imo

diddl · 06/11/2009 21:33

I wouldn´t be concerned at that age about equal money.

I´d be spending as little as possible while I could!

PandaG · 06/11/2009 21:36

TBH we spent as little as possible on our second child while they were little, as DD needed so little DS passed toys etc down, and GPs bought plenty. We only bought so DS could see a present for DD from mummy and daddy.

now they are older we do spend similar amounts, but tbh, as long as they get something they like we are not worried about spending slightly different amounts.

Last year DS's birthday present cost us around £100, but we only spent £30 on DD, as we got what she wanted. I think it will even up in the end

so, do what you wnat to do, and I would do whatg we do for DS who has a winter birthday, buy birthday presents suitable for the summer, or for the next age group up, so they have something to use later in the year.

Original poster
midsummereve · 06/11/2009 21:37

Nobody is saying anything bad but I feel that you should treat the children the same however she does not undestand the value of money and is happier playing in a box ha ha Its me more that is feeling guilty as my son is four and he is getting a joint present with my partner a wii thats all so aibu. xx She has a m & p pushchaie highchair,bouncer and etc and a baby annabell is that enough.

OP posts:
MrsBadger · 06/11/2009 21:51

yabu

'treating thr children the same' doesn't mean spending the same amount on each

it means getting each of them a present suitable for their age group that they will enjoy

the things you have for dd sound like plenty - maybe even more than enough. I'd give the doll for Christmas and the pram etc for her birthday as it's so close

and personally I think YABU buying a 4yo a Wii , but that is neither here nor there.

BLEEPyouYOUbleepingBLEEP · 06/11/2009 22:12

The 'recycling' pressie idea, esp the foil paper, is brilliant PrettyCandles, I'll have to steal that one from you and use at a later date

Doodleydoo · 06/11/2009 22:18

If you feel that you are worried about the financial difference, would it make you feel happier to put the difference into a bank account for her?

floatyjosmum · 06/11/2009 22:22

i think it depends how old the children are, mine are 8 and 4 and i prob even it out money wise now - 8 uear old is clued up on money!
when they were little we made sure the piles were similar in size but now ds (8) realises that a computer game is tiney but costs more than a doll for dd which is in a bigger box.

think you just need to make sure they know they are being treated equally

PrettyCandles · 06/11/2009 22:48

Actually, I think it's the younger one who's getting the fantastic presents, and the older one who's losing out. D you really think that Wii is going to be his? Of course not! It will very rapidly be dh's toy. A 4yo may learn to play with a Wii, but I know it took my then 5yo dd several months and a lot of frustration to get the hang of using the Wiimote. What a 4yo wants on Xmas morning is something he can play with immediately, not something for which he needs to wait until daddy has set it up and played with himself, before he can get his mits on it. Oh, and lots and lots of packages to unwrap!

JjandtheBean · 06/11/2009 22:53

i have the guilt thing too, ds had over £200 on his birthday this year because it was too easy, whereas dd is one in a few weeks and weve got her 3 things, granted ones a wheelybug but i still feel stingy despite knowing theres plenty here already for her!

HappyMummyOfOne · 06/11/2009 22:54

I only have the one child but would feel the same as you in that both should be treated the same. Its not fair that one child gets new and the younger one not just because they can have hand me downs.

Doesnt have to be exactly the same value but roughly same number of pressies.

LilyLoovesGuyFawkes · 06/11/2009 22:56

I know where you are coming from.
That is definately enough.
But i do try and keep the amount of presents similair (although ds 7 will have cost a way lot more than dd2 nearly2)

hanabooOOOM · 06/11/2009 23:18

sounds enough to me, but what kids notice is the amount of presents not the value... your ds will probably ask why she has more than him under the tree

my dd(3) got the hang of her wii straight away i think it depends on which games you get. (my dd likes the boxing and the circus games)

hormonalmum · 07/11/2009 08:18

I try and spend a similar amount on each child.

If at any stage, I feel I have treated them unequally, I put some money in their accounts.

chimchar · 07/11/2009 08:28

i say take advantage while you can!

my ds2 had a fisher price farm for his second christmas..it was bought for £1.50 from the school fayre! he was thrilled with it...my older two had wayyy more in money value, but not more in play value.

in our house, value is placed on finding the "right" pressie, rather than the most expensive.

please don't feel guilty..there is no need.

NancyBotwin · 07/11/2009 08:31

I try to ensure they all have the same number of presents to unwrap and generally spend roughly the same but sometimes not. Sometimes I get bargains so someone gets an expensive present that costs the same as something smaller for the others... I agree that it is your ds who will feel hard done by - are you getting him some small things as well?

I think you have got more than enough for your dd and would also split them between Christmas and her birthday.

belgo · 07/11/2009 08:35

'but it seems to me that the real value of a present is what the recipient feels about it. '

very true Prettycandles.

I have two girls close in age who have a huge sense of injustice if they are not treated equally, but they are a lot older, age four and five.

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