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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel uncomfortable with the increase in roadside memorials?

110 replies

BLEEPyouYOUbleepingBLEEP · 06/11/2009 12:33

Just come back from hols in Greece, and it's made me realise just how polite and good the roads and drivers are here...no...really!!

The drivers are maniacs there, the roads are crap and there are tons of mopeds weaving in and out with the drivers with no helmets on.

At the sides of almost every road are tons and tons of roadside memorials and I personally felt really uncomfortable with them.

I understand why the family of someone killed on the road would want to commemorate their loved one, and warn others of the dangers (which it obviously doesn't do in Greece cos they're still driving like idiots) but how many memorials are too many?

In the UK flowers placed at the scene just after the event seem respectful, but is this OK if it turns into a shrine? Or if people start putting up ghost bikes?

OP posts:
shelleylou · 07/11/2009 12:42

not sure if i worded that correctly. I mean i wouldnt say either decision was wrong

Rindercella · 07/11/2009 12:51

Sorry Trinity, only repeating what I was told by the instructor at the speed awareness course I went to last week.

TrinityHasAVampireRhino · 07/11/2009 13:02

I'm sorry
I should have bitten my tongue

but surely its obvious that it cant be true

I have 2 slow signs painted either side of a 90 degree turn in the road near my house

noone has dies there, its just cause its best to slow down..

Rindercella · 07/11/2009 13:41

No, no need to bite your tongue!! I am sure you are probably right - I have just spent the last half an hour or so googling like crazy and have been unable to find anything to substantiate what I was told

ampere · 07/11/2009 14:10

Not directly replated to the rights and wrongs but:

There was a bit of a backlash against a family who did the roadside shrine thing near here. 2 lads and a girl in a car, all loaded to the eyes on skunk, lad driving like a loony, trying to change the CD. Perfectly straight road, one other car (fair way off but the witness), night time, and they slewed into a roadside oak tree; lads killed, girl maimed (but able to tell what had happened inside the car).

The family of the driver adorned the tree with brass plaques, a candle lantern complete with a car-battery driven light, coloured streamers all the way up the tree and a mound of plastic flowers at its base.

A year later locals suggested that perhaps just the plaque should remain -and there was hell to pay! I think the problem that, in the local paper, the driver's family's stance morphed from 'a memorial to their grief' to the claim the 'accident' was the hand of god/ cruel fate or whatever, not a likely consequence of the immaturity and irresponsibility demonstrated by their son that night (he was 21). They quite literally had come to the conclusion there was nothing their son did that was intrinsically wrong. The other family (of the deceased) objected strongly to this line and the whole thing got thrashed out on the pages of the local paper. Very undignified, BUT the mound of plastic flowers was replenished and the ribbons renewed.

So the council removed the lot except for the plaque.

BalloonSlayer · 07/11/2009 14:25

There's a road in Kent which links the M20 and the M2, it goes through Detling.

A little girl was killed crossing that road. Her family campaigned and raised money for a footbridge. It's got a big sign on it "Jade's Crossing" and a silhouette of a little ballerina. Here. Always makes me .

That's a great kind of memorial.

wannaBe · 07/11/2009 14:41

thing is, it's not just the families that put up these flowers etc is it? If an accident makes it into the press then all sorts come crawling out of the woodwork with their flowers and teddybears and whatever else. And for what? It's simply trying to claim a part of someone else's grief, in the same way that people "grieve" for celebrities they've never met. And as for people actively travelling to places of tradgedy, that is just grief tourism IMO.

When holly Wells and jessica Chapman were killed, Soham (sp? was flooded with people wanting to see the place they lived/the place their bodies were found etc. Horrible.

EasyEggs · 07/11/2009 14:49

My Mum was killed almost 2yrs ago on a road, fair enough she was crossing a duel carriage way and shouldn't have been there, but anyway, myself, sister and brother goto the spot she was killed ever year on the day, as I personally feel closer to her rather than leaving flowers etc on her grave on that day. It was the last place she was alive and I like to mark that she was there. It makes me feel better about the whole awful tragedy. Is that so wrong to once a year leave a bunch of flowers???

EasyEggs · 07/11/2009 14:50

duel
grr can't even spell now!

EasyEggs · 07/11/2009 14:51

ARGHHHH I did it again, ignore me.....

TidyBush · 07/11/2009 14:52

wannaBe that's so true about trying to claim someones's grief. A young woman was interviewed on our local BBC radio station the Monday after Stepen Gately's funeral. She talked about how she and her friends spent the night camped outside the church and said how pleased they were when "...the boys from Boyzone came out of the church to talk to us and seemed as upset as we were..." WTF? .

What's so sad about that kind of attitude it that is shows a real lack of empathy for those who have suffered a real loss .... "it's all about meeeee"

pamelat · 07/11/2009 15:06

I don't really have an opinion on it because I feel that I am not entitled to.

Whatever I think about it does not really matter, nothing can over ride the grief of those left behind.

There is one a few miles from where I live that I drive past twice daily. Someone changes it (ribbons around a tree) on about a monthly basis and I find that very touching I always think it must have been a child

edam · 07/11/2009 15:33

When did roadside memorials start? Seem to think they are a recent phenomenon - certainly didn't exist in my childhood. (We lived just off the A628 which is mentioned in the link - fortunately only accident we saw was our poor cat, who survived, fortunately. But the bastard driver sped off.)

risingstar · 07/11/2009 17:06

i hope never to find out whether this is something i would want to do or not.

however, near to us there was an accident and the family planted british bulbs ( daffs snowdrop) on the verge during the autumn and they come up every year, first sign of spring for me.

i thought that was really fitting

andirobobo · 07/11/2009 17:16

The 'SLOW' road markings are placed on bends that are dangerous, quite often where there has been many accidents, but they are definately not placed where there has been a fataility.

That may be the case in some locations, to serve as a warning to motorists of the bend ahead, but according the the Traffic Signs Regulations and General Directions 2002 - a lovely Dpeartment of Transport Publication that covers the legal use of signs and road markings, etc, it states that the use of the marking 'SLOW' should be used carefully to ensure that it is not used too much - in other words, too many of them water down the desired effect.

Here ends todays lecture on traffic signs!!

I often wonder about these roadside tributes following accidents. There has been many around where I live, and the council seem to have a policy of removing them if there is too many items there. A popular one is football shirts - very expensive option I think.

Having said that, I have never been in a situation where I have felt the need to leave flowers, etc, so cannot understand the desire to do so.

shelleylou · 07/11/2009 17:17

Wannabe, thats what i ment about other people. IMHO it should be that of the family as it was in our case. We dont know if friends or anyone else have left flowers as ours were the first then. When the tributes were reported it was only ours there.

theworldsgoneDMmad · 07/11/2009 17:27

"taking their eyes off the road to look at flowers, teddies and large photographs which are often placed there."

Any driver who can be so easily distracted towards these things (any more than looking at a sign) shouldn't be on the road at all

I don't have a problem with them. I can understand why people want a visual reminder where others assume life just goes on.

Although I don't think charity money should be funding it, I do think encouraging people who wish to make a tribute to donate to road safety measures instead is a very good idea.

humblemum · 07/11/2009 17:44

I was on a speed awareness course recently and I was also told that SLOW on the road meant there had been a death!!! If this isnt true, im very surprised the people running these courses are saying that it is!!! Puzzling!!

Spidermama · 07/11/2009 17:46

I think it's mean to begrudge people in pain and object to their way of grieving when it has so negligible affect on you.

YABU.

SolidGoldBangers · 07/11/2009 18:03

I hate them, they obstruct the pavement, smell and are basically just litter and potential compost put there by sentimental no-brainers to no purpose whatsoever.
Why can;t people put their memorials and shrines in either their own homes or in the cemetery, which is designed for exactly that purpose? There's a stinking pile of cellophane-wrapped trash that DS and I have to walk past on the way to school (some numpty stabbed another numpty), it's been there for about a month and no one has cleared it up yet.

Spidermama · 07/11/2009 18:12

Such venom over the grief of a stranger. Creepy.

poshsinglemum · 07/11/2009 18:18

Oh come on now- don't be mean. I think they are fine.If it helps the family grieve then it's a good thing. It also warns drivers of potential danger spots.

I think little shrines are touching. Us Brits tend to feel uncomfortable about death but it's refreshing to see open tributes.

tethersend · 07/11/2009 18:18

I'm reminded of the viz 'top tip':

COUNCIL HIGHWAY DEPARTMENTS - save money erecting warning signs on dangerous bends. Simply sellotape a bunch of flowers to the nearest lamp post instead.

Feelingsensitive · 07/11/2009 18:50

I guess its something you can't answer until you are the one in that position - God forbid.

snorris · 07/11/2009 19:27

About 15 years ago there was a young girl killed in a car crash locally to me (driver showing off and speeding). Her family planted a tree and put up a small plaque. I drive past the spot nearly every day and quite often think of her. It's in a semi-rural area and on a grass verge amongst other trees etc so not 'in your face' (for want of a better phrase). I have to say the tree is very beautiful when in full flower.
I have noticed that recently small black plaques with a red flower have gone up at the sites of fatal accidents.
I can see how it may bring comfort to some people but personally it's not for me .