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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To send DS to the in-laws this weekend even though I could go into labour anytime?

24 replies

angel1976 · 04/11/2009 07:59

Genuinely interested in opinions for this one...

DS is 20 months old. I'm 39+2 at the moment and waiting for DS2 to pop. DS came at 39 weeks so feeling a bit fed up as it is. Have tried several things to get things going. Walked several miles two days ago and all it gave me was leg cramps. Had sex yesterday and all it did was gave me bad cramps half the night so I couldn't sleep!

The inlaws have asked for DS to stay overnight with them since the day he was born. Being PFB, I haven't felt comfortable with that and swore I will only do it when I feel he can understand and I felt ready to let go. Also, the inlaws and us disagree on how to do certain things when DS was born but most of these differences have disappeared now that DS is no longer a baby. We go and stay with the inlaws once every few weeks overnight (they come up to visit us too but never overnight) for the weekends so he is very familiar with them and their house and the last couple of times, I've felt DS is ready for an overnight stay as he does love them, they adore him of course and most of the time we are there, they disappear with him for walks with the dogs, playing in the garden etc and he loves it! They are only an hour's drive away BTW.

MIL has offered to have DS stay when DS2 pop but I do feel strongly that I want DS to be here when we bring DS2 home. I don't want him to feel we 'sent' him away when DS2 is born. However, I am now seriously contemplating letting them have DS overnight this weekend at the risk that DS will miss the birth (I will be giving birth at hospital). At the moment, I am seriously struggling with doing anything vigorous with DS. With constant Braxton Hicks and cramps and not sleeping well at night, I am not a happy bunny. I can barely pick him up. DS is home with me today so we will try and do as much as possible. He is in nursery Thursday and Friday.

What do you all feel about me sending DS to the inlaws this weekend? I think he will really enjoy it. But my fear is that if I do pop this weekend, will I scar him for life in making him think we 'sent him way'? If I don't, I think it will be a much needed chance for DH and I to spend some time just chilling out before all hell breaks loose! My inlaws (FIL works flexi hours and MIL has a 3 days a week job), I am sure, will bring DS back when we come home from the hospital (if I do have the baby this weekend). On one hand, I think it's nice for DS to start going to the grandparents before DS2 arrives so he doesn't associate the two together. Am I worrying too much?

What would you do in my position? Thanks!

OP posts:

JoeyBettany · 04/11/2009 08:05

I'd send him to the in- laws. They sound nice, you won't scar him for life esp. as he's used to nursery anyway and he'll prob have more fun there this weekend, than with tired 3rd trimester parents.
Hope it all goes well for you whatever you decide !

FourArms · 04/11/2009 08:06

Send him. No doubt. You can get a bit of rest, and he'll have a fun couple of days with someone who is up for doing whatever he wants!

Who was going to be having DS1 when you go into labour? Were they planning to come to yours?

Fabster · 04/11/2009 08:11

I understand your apprehension as my eldest was nearly 4 before I let him stay overnight at my PILs and I felt like my arm was missing.

I think you are over thinking this in trying to do the right thing.

Let him go. He and the inlaws will love it and if the baby does come, have the baby, stay at hospital, send DH to go and get a present from the babby to give your DS and then send DH to go and get DS and bring him to the hospital to see the baby and you.

HeSaysSheSays · 04/11/2009 08:12

Send him, you will not scar him, he is too young to even think that way never mind jump all the way to "mum sent me away to have little one". His GPs will dote on him and, if you do go into labour, they are close enough that ds can be bought back before you come home from hospital - even a quick turn around will take longer than an hour!

Stop over-thinking and allow yourself a break and ds a fab weekend!

Original poster

angel1976 · 04/11/2009 08:13

We have a few friends who live locally who will come over when I go into labour and the plan is that the inlaws will be informed and they will the come over to 'take over' from friends (as said friends all have families/jobs to go to etc). DS is in nursery still for quite a few days and we wanted to keep his routine as normal as possible so he doesn't resent DS2 when he does arrive!

So I'm not scarring him for life then if he comes back from the inlaws to a new brother?

OP posts:

Original poster

angel1976 · 04/11/2009 08:16

Thank you all! I do feel bad for 'denying' my inlaws the chance to have my precious baby DS alone overnight for so long and looking back, it was definitely a case of PFB overkill. Doesn't mean it makes it any easier to let go and I'm just wondering if the timing is just bad on my part! We already have a present ready for DS from the baby when he arrives.

OP posts:

Longtalljosie · 04/11/2009 08:18

Work out how you'll handle it.

Perhaps ask him if he'd like to go? He's bound to say yes, and then you can make it seem like a fun thing for him. If you go into labour, ask your ILs to bring him home so he's in the house when you return. Who's having him when you do go to the hospital / birthing centre anyway?

Fabster · 04/11/2009 08:25

How much does he understand about there being a baby coming?

I actually think leaving the house and dropping him off at friends or having them come round to you when you are in a potential panic/in pain is worse than having him safely at granny's and not knowing that you are in labour. Better calm and none the wiser than in a rush.

diddl · 04/11/2009 08:26

I would let him go.

Surely if you give birth this weekend, they will bring him back so your husband can bring him to hospital to visit you?

Also, he is very young to make any connection between staying at GPs and baby being born.

And if he is happy at GPs, won´t see it as being sent away.

OrmIrian · 04/11/2009 08:32

Let him go. If the baby comes while he is away get ILS to bring him to the hospital to 'help' you bring the baby home.

Original poster

angel1976 · 04/11/2009 08:38

Fabster - You are right to bring up the issue of disruption! I had a very fast labour with DS so I am quite concerned that when it does happen (and I'm assuming it happens at night while DS is sleeping), it would be quite a faff as I imagine DH will have to go and knock on a few doors to bring friends back if they are not responding to phonecalls in the middle of the night... So it might not be a bad thing if DS is happily spending the weekend at the inlaws!

We have told him he has a little brother coming and there's a baby etc. He also has a baby doll he is quite attached to that we gave him recently. But I think that's the extent of his understanding till the baby comes!

We will definitely ask him if he wants to stay at the inlaws, I suspect he will say yes until we leave or he leaves us! But he could be perfectly fine with it as most times, he cries when the GPs leave!

OP posts:

Fabster · 04/11/2009 10:57

It also might be more upsetting for him to wake up and you and Daddy are not there.

Think about how you will deal with it if he gets upset when it is time to leave and talk about it with you in-laws so you are both doing the same thing.

Original poster

angel1976 · 05/11/2009 02:55

Ok, I take it all back, the sex DID work. DS2 was born last night after another incredibly fast labour. The in-laws made it in time to babysit and DS1 was too excited at having his GPs there to make a fuss of him to notice the sudden disappearance of mum and dad... Will be back to update more once I have recovered from the labour... But everyone is healthy and happy and I was discharged from the hospital literally 3 hours after the birth!

OP posts:

sunnydelight · 05/11/2009 03:58

Oh, how fantastic. Congratulations

Fabster · 05/11/2009 08:12

OMG
That must be the shortest time ever from posting what to do to the baby being born

well done and congratulations!!

MmeGuisingt · 05/11/2009 08:16

Congratulations and LOL at this thread. Hope that you are settling in well with your new baby and that DS1 is happy with his baby brother.

Did that feel funny writing DS1 for the first time?

OrmIrian · 05/11/2009 08:19

Wow! Congratulations

GibbonInARibbon · 05/11/2009 08:20

Fabulous! Congrats!

diddl · 05/11/2009 08:22

Congratulations!

What have you called him?

Original poster

angel1976 · 05/11/2009 08:34

Thank you all! No name yet... That's another thread altogether...

DS1 has missed all the excitement... He woke up this morning, baby was still sleeping so we left it. We thought it might be too much disruption for him to see his new baby brother and then go to nursery straightaway. So we will wait till we pick him up, make a fuss of his new brother giving him a present (a Bob the builder Duplo set) etc.

The GPs are coming on Saturday to entertain DS1 and we will see how he gets on before deciding if he wants to go and stay with them. It might be nice for him to have a real fuss made of him but we don't want him to feel we are sending him away. Funny how things work out...

OP posts:

Original poster

angel1976 · 07/11/2009 20:34

Hi all,

Just thought you might all appreciated an update. Unfortunately I had a prolapse associated with my pregnancy/delivery diagnosed on Friday so feeling a bit tender (can't really be moving around much) and upset about it. Inlaws asked if it was still okay to have DS for the weekend and I felt that I wasn't quite up for having him around this weekend so I said yes, if DS agrees to it.

The GPs came in the morning and DS1 was all excited to see them. Asked him if he wanted to go and he rushed out of the door, happily got into their car etc and said bye bye to us. The GPs bought some lovely wellies for him as a pressie too and he clutched onto them as they all left.

MIL just called to report they had a brilliant day. No tears, no nothing. They went to a rare breed centre and he loved it. Supermarket trip etc and he got spoilt rotten. Apparently said night night to daddy and mummy as he passed our wedding photos in the hall on the way to bed.

So fingers crossed he sleeps well and he will be coming back tomorrow. We miss him like mad of course but it was nice to have visitors come and fuss over DS2 without worrying about DS1 and my ILs have been great about making this a 'special' weekend for DS1. My little boy is growing up so quick! Thanks all for your support, I feel we have made a big step forward in terms of his relationship with his GPs, in me letting go a little etc... And DS2 now has a name - Theodore!

OP posts:

MmeLindt · 09/11/2009 08:33

Awww, your wee DS sounds like a lovely lad. Him saying goodnight to your photo brought a lump to my throat. How sweet.

Glad he had a good day and that you got some rest. You had the time to choose a lovely name too.

Original poster

angel1976 · 09/11/2009 19:39

Thanks MmeLindt, he is a little darling. He had a fab time at the inlaws in the end. They brought him back and he almost cried when they went home... Bless!

OP posts:

Maleeka · 09/11/2009 20:02

Lovely end to your initial dilema, huge congrats to you on your new baby and your son sounds just adorable

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