to sonder about being asked to contribute to someone else's "trip of a lifetime"?

[vezzie]

Yes, probably.

On one of the "is it grasping and vile to ask for money when you get married" threads I contributed a mini rantette about a certain couple I know who did that and somehow guilted me into giving far too much money I could not afford to Trailfinders for their super amazing antipodean honeymoon. I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO AFFORD TO GO THERE. So glad you had a nice time. How lovely you look in the pictures. However, it was their honeymoon - a one off - in fact I think the phrase "trip of a lifetime" was used.

HOWEVER now the woman in this couple is sending emails to everyone she knows about raising money to go and do good stuff in Africa. She has a place on an arranged project but needs to raise a fat chunk of sponsorship to get there. At the end of her little spiel about how good it will be for the local community to build all these things they are going to build, she says, "thank you for whatever you can give, it will be the trip of a lifetime."

NOT, you notice, "it will make a huge difference to the lives of everyone who lives there". Basically she has revealed in the last sentence that this is all about her getting to go somewhere exciting and interesting and far away. Again.

So I am feeling really curmudgeonly about this. I am sure - or I hope - this project is genuinely a Very Good Thing. But I am soured to the whole thing by the use of this phrase - for the second time.

I shouldn't penalise the people of this poor village for that. But she is pissing me off.

(This person is not short of a bob or two by the way)

AIBU?

I do find the big trips annoying, walking the Great Wall or Machu Pichu etc. If you pay your own way then rise sponsorship then fab but I hate it when people expect you to fund their trip and then give any leftovers to the charity.

I don't want to see Guides etc being lumped in with this though. People who go on Guiding Overseas Linked with Development or similar are doing good work. In many countries Guiding can offer a refuge for girls and can in itself provide more opertunities for them and our members who go out on projects are helping this. International camps of course are just bloody good fun but I have never seen anybody just expect handouts for that.

OP YANBU in the slightest

Anyone who decides they are walking the great wall of china etc "for charity" is deluding themselves about their motives. IMNSHO.

VSO might be an exception.

Ruby - it's fine.

But I think people should WORK or SAVE to EARN the money THEMSELVES to do something like this. Or find a method of fundraising that provides something more like 90% direct to the chariry. Preferably something that doesn't involve carbon heavy international travel.

Jealous ! Oh now that is just shit.

Guts, drive or ability is not going to make finding someone to care for my disabled son while I head off for weeks or months any easier.

Instead my DH does this amazing thing.
He goes to work each day and works fucking hard. And when we divide up our money we give a respectable ppn to the charities that mean something to us.

It has the virtue of not requiring us to get our friends and relatives to put their hands in their pockets too. Although the postcards are more boring. And we don't get to tell the world how much we raised by being gutsy

OP - YANBU

Tell her you're already supporting a charity this year.

Good post Pagwatch.

After university I took a year off to do some travelling and shock, horror, paid for it myself by saving and doing numerous shitty jobs.

Now I have a direct debit every month for a couple of charities. I do not ask for anybody to sponsor me.

Ruby, you fundraised and did not ask people to sponsor you and I personally think that is ok. What I do not agree with is "oh I've always wanted to go do this so please sponsor me to do it". With a lot of these big trips (though as most things I am sure some are better than others) a pretty small percentage of funds raised goes to the actual charity.

VSO is an exception - they only take people with useful skills for the area they'll be, and the people have to make a proper time committment. My uncle spent 2 years doing this, building wells and other infrastructure in rural Indonesia.

At the moment, we don't have any spare money, so instead I'm giving time doing work for a local charity. Skydiving might be more fun, but it wouldn't be very useful - especially if you consider that I might at most raise £500 (and piss off a lot of friends raising it) and that I can easily give that much in work value over a couple of weeks direct to the people who need the support...

I have guts drive and ability but there would usually need to be biscuits too if I am to be tempted....

I remember telling my Mum I wanted to volunteer overseas, 27 years ago. And my Mum pointing out ever so gently that, as an unqualified teenager with no special skills, there wouldn't be anything I could do for the locals that they couldn't do better for themselves.

Have just been nudged ever so gently to help funding a friend's dd's gap year in China. Apparently, she is going to teach English. She is just about to leave school and has no teacher training. I pretended not to take the point of the leaflet shoved under my nose and refrained from pointing out that until I can afford to meet the needs of my own disabled daughter, I am not going to be spending money on somebody else's daughter's exotic holiday.

Pagwatch, bloody brilliant.

OP just say you support charities in other ways, but have a great holiday!

I want to go on one of those 'holidays' but wouldn't dare ask people to sponsor me the whole amount to do it! However, must admit that I was looking at doing the Great Wall of China trip (Age concern are organising a few for next May) and would probably try to get a small amount from sponsors, and then work in shops helping packing bags, etc to raise the rest!

Wouldn't do it twice though, especially not if I'd done the same for my honeymoon