....in wanting dh to lose weight?

[frazzledfairy]

when dh and i met 4 years ago i weighed 9 stone (5"7) and he weighed 11 1/2 (5"11), now i weigh just under 10 stone and he weighs just over 14, i have had 2 children since then!

he does exercise quite a lot but i think he eats crap when i am not around and he also drinks cider every night.

it's not particularly about appearances, more to do with the fact that i ahve arthritis in both of my hips and it's quite hard for us to have sex anyway and i feel his weight plays a reasonable part in this.

also dh's dad is pretty overweight (around his stomach, in exactly the same place as dh) and in quite poor health with heart probs etc and i don't want dh to have these problems, he is 14 years older than me anyway and on the oldish side as a father and i want him to be around and healthy for as long as poss.

we have talked about it and i think dh thinks i am nagging him (i probably am!).

i see it as dh doesn't care enough about me and my decrepid body to do something as simple as eat less

yanbu - have you tried just giving him food that is more healthy though or does he closet eat?

Is it really that weight has no bearing on attractiveness, or that if you are married to someone you are only allowed to have sex with them and no one else, and it would be a bit much to divorce over a few pounds of fat?

Yes I am a shallow bitch

health aside why do people worry so much about weight?

My DP is 5ft 9" and weighs around 15 stone. when we met i weighed 13 1/2 stone and was a 14-16 in clothes. I have since had ds2 and am slimmer now than i was when we met. he doesn't fancy me any less....

Good God. No, I can assure you I don't only have sex with my DH because I'm not allowed to have sex with anyone else and am too lazy to divorce him

He is still lovely. Even with a bit of extra padding.

Although clearly I must be lazy...

I don't think it has no bearing-I just think it's 1 small part of a very large sum -for me at least and it can easily be outweighed (so to speak) by myriad other factors that have absolutely nothing to do with physical appearance.

I just want men to put up with just a fraction of the shit women get over their appearance...

But why? Can't me and dh just live in our own little bubble where nothing but positive things are said about each other's appearance?
Tbh I never had a boyfriend who mentioned weight, same as I never had a boyfriend who complained about my non existent bust- I can't actually believe that people do that- unbelievable lack of manners.
I think young men may get pressured over their physical appearance- My friends little brother was attempting to body build from a ridiculously young age. I think we should hope it swings away from the over focus on the physical for both sexes.

Why is it whenever there is an argument like this a large fraction seem to get defensive about what is wrong with being overweight?

There are problems with being overweight and that is just a fact. You are putting yourself at an increased risk of heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, arthritis and the list goes on. Also, when a person gets fat, by definition, they will have less energy than when they are slim.

I don't think anyone would be unreasonable for thinking their partner / whoever should be responsible for their health and that includes what you put into your body.

InMyLittleHead, I think you will find that nowadays men are judged quite harshly on their appearance. Most men I know are terminally vain and seem to spend their days worrying about weight.

defineme

That's probably a more mature way to look at it tbh

yanbu

fat men are really unattractive

how is 14 stone overweight for a man of that height? especially if he goes to the gym, men typically like to do the muscle building excercises. so yes YANBU.

should have put YABU. my husband is about 14 stone 14 stone and a half, about 6 foot 1 and quite muscly from a manual job and i find him very hot.

i think you can love lots of attributes about a man but you can only fancy the physical ones.