To call my SON a Racist?

[BlardyAngry]

Regular but have namechanged, i am so embarassed

Just had a blazing row with my DS1 (19) in front of his GF, i mentioned in conversation with his GF, that i quite fancied a actor on a TV show we were watching, and my DS1 said 'but he is black'

I gasped and told him that was racist, then he GF said 'oh he is always like that'

So i started explaining to him that, that sort of attitude is racist and were did he get it from because i have never in my life made such comments

Then he started going on about immigrants and how they should all be sent 'back were they came from' and i was double

I told him he was a racist, and he started to get really angry with me at this point and was shouting at me saying 'well what about the pakis that spit on our soldiers' and told me 'don't ever call me a racist, i'm not a racist'

at this point i just told him to get out, i am so shocked, angry and sad, i don't know what to do

I told him i was ashamed that he is my son, i'm so upset about it

GrumpyYoungFogey please explain how my arguments against racist views are 'utopian'? Everything I pointed out is reality, right now. I am not describing an ideal future: black and asian people really are doctors and teachers (including my excellent GP who is a Muslim woman); most of us do enjoy Indian (or Chinese, or Thai, Jamaican, Japanese, Turkish, etc etc) food; the majority of people in this country (of any race) are hardworking, contributing citizens. These are the realities I see every day in my very down to earth, multi-racial, northern town.

ineedalifelaundry, I think that part of what GrumpyYoungFogey was getting that the ideas you describe will not be new to BlardyAngry's son.

It is perhaps too optimisic to hope that by providing him with examples of why muti-culturalism can be a force for the good, he will then abandon all of his reservations about immigration into the UK. He will almost certainly be familiar with these arguments, and they haven't stopped him forming the opinion he has done, so why would his mother repeating them to him have any more impact?

It is possible to still hold racist viewpoints and happily admit that your favorite meal is Lamb Dansahk and that your doctor is Afro-Caribbean.

Incidentally, I also think that GrumpyYoungFogey has an axe to grind of his own in regard to issues of immigration and race. While I respect his right to this, I'd like to make it clear that I am not aligning myself with his stance.

I didn't realise is was ok to be racist now?

Oh, wait a minute, it's not? There are laws against it and everything. Wow! Who knew?

Mermaidspam -

Thankfully, there are no laws in UK dictating which opinions are and are not "ok" to hold.

There are (rightly, in my opinion) laws against discrimination and inciting hatred, but now laws denying people the right to hold an opinion. This is why Nick Grifin heads a legal political party.

Just because you (and I, as it happens) think that racism is repugnant, doesn't mean that it is illegal. And nor should it.

notanumber blardyangry asks in her post of 16:45 ' how do i explain to him that his attitude is wrong'

I am only suggesting possible points she can use in response to her request for help.

She also said that they live in a 'small minded town' so I think it's within the bounds of possibility that he hasn't (at the age of only 19 and with limited life experience) really been exposed to my brand of (apparently ineffectual and pointless ) arguments.

Plus, if you read my first post, you will see that I suggested much more than simply 'providing him with examples of why muti-culturalism can be a force for the good'. I also suggested (for example) that she could explain how racism has historically been a force for the bad.

ineedalifelaundry, fair enough. I do quite understand what you are saying and that you were trying to give BlardyAngry practical help.

I didn't mean to imply that your suggestions would be "ineffectual and pointless", I agree that the first step of the road to a constructive discussion would be to gather "evidence".

However, I do still agree with GrumpyYoungFogey (in this respect only) that he will have heard these before - no matter how "small minded" his town is. After all, BlardyAngry lives there too, and she is not a racist. I'd rather hope that the vast majority of the town aren't either.

Ineedalifelaudry thankyou for your advice it is most helpful and you are right, if i want to change his views i need to point those things out to him (possibly stating the obvious) i dont think he is a racist at heart, i think he just says things willy nilly, without thinking, and then used some really bad examples to try an back himself up

I think he needs to be reminded of the things you pointed out in your post

Lovebeingamummy, your post was helpful too, i have changed my views since i was 19, and i am sure he will to, he is at an age where he is influenced greatly by his peers, i need to listen to him more and find out why he thinks/feels this way

Thanks to all for your posts

Get him to watch The Incredible Human Journey, it was very interesting.

Grumpy, yes racism exists of course it does. Always will sadly. But to say it's no big deal to the OP? Well it obviously is to her and it would be to me too. I'd be devastated if my son held racist views, as to me any form of bigotry is unacceptable.
Blardyangry, personally I think it's great to hear you're so angry. I really hope talking to him puts you both back on level ground, but don't feel guilty about having lost it with him. I think it's probably good he's seen you so outraged, as it might make him think a bit. He's 19 so if he wants to be treated as a grown up, has to listen to your grown up views too.