To think parents should reply to their kids' party invitations

apostropheisback · 2009-10-31T14:11:31+00:00

Sent out invitations nearly 3 weeks ago for party next week. Three responses for 10 children invited. And they all go to the same nursery, so it's not as if they don't know the child or haven't been around... I put e-mail and phone on the RSVP. Is this normal? How am I supposed to plan food / party bags / prizes etc?

Anifrangapani · 31/10/2009 14:13

I didn't reply to one we are going to today - dd lost it somewhere & I have been frantically ringing around to see if anyone knew where and when it is....

HappyMummyOfOne · 31/10/2009 14:18

Its rude but always seems to happen. I had to chase several and then still didn't get a response from some so assumed those who had not replied were not coming.

sazzerbear · 31/10/2009 14:21

I think it is rude, it is so easy to reply these days by text or email. Apart from anything else, you need to know how many are coming to buy enough food etc.

Scotia · 31/10/2009 14:22

Yes it's normal IME. Rude though.

I invited 16 dcs to ds1's birthday party, and had 3 positive replies and 2 regrets. Out of the rest only 4 children turned up on the day. I was absolutely gutted, not least because I had paid for catering and a bouncy castle party. Ds2 was 4 days old so having it at home was not an option, and I wanted to do something nice for ds1 on his birthday. I had also done party bags for everyone.

Ds1 was disappointed his friends didn't come, but still enjoyed his party regardless

There can be a genuine reason for not replying in some cases, but for 11 out of 16, I just think it was laziness and bad manners on behalf of some of them.

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/10/2009 14:37

yes its rude

it takes 30 seconds to reply either by text/email/call

best way if school/nursery party is to leave list by classroom door and get parents to tick if coming or not

or chase ring the non repliers

bigchris · 31/10/2009 14:39

yanbu
very rude imo

Curlygirly · 31/10/2009 15:18

I always chase up anyone that hasn't replied just so I know numbers. Sometimes people just forget to reply and need a small reminder.

Jujubean77 · 31/10/2009 15:26

I started a thread about this 2 days ago - I am in the same situation and it is very

I have decided not to chase anyone and just wing it with generic party bags..

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 31/10/2009 15:32

I chase people about a week before the party, but to be honest most of DS1's friends come from families who also find this rude so we have fallen on our feet., DS2 is just starting to make friends so no idea what we will find there

FrightsMonth · 31/10/2009 15:53

It is rude. Between them my DC have been invited to 13 parties already this term, and I try to be organised in replying, but sometimes one slips through the net. They tend to be the ones without a mobile number I can send quick text to, and don't really know the parents to have a quick word after school.

frostyfingers · 31/10/2009 15:56

YANBU at all, but pigs fly. There is always at least one non replier who turns up. Last year, not only did the non replier turn up, but with a sibling in tow who was dumped on me with no warning. Not impressed at all! Luckily I had another mum to help supervise 12 over excited 10 year olds (sorry, make that 13) in an indoor climbing place. Stiff drink needed at end of day, I can tell you!

PeedOffWithNits · 31/10/2009 15:56

not replying is rude, but what anifrangapani is doing , not replying THEN TURNING UP is very rude. i would be livid.

no reply = not coming but cannot be bothered to reply

Docbunches · 31/10/2009 16:07

YANBU. It's very rude, but seems to be the norm these days unfortunately.

Even worse, is when children don't turn up AT ALL and don't bother letting you know beforehand and then don't apologise afterwards either (I wouldn't care if they gave a rubbish excuse, it would be better than nothing).

I always make sure my DCs, who are now at secondary school, RSVP any party invitations verbally and if they forget, then I ring or Email the parents.

LynetteScavo · 31/10/2009 16:13

YANBU - It's very ride.

I woudn't trust verbal RSVP's though!

purepurple · 31/10/2009 16:13

YANBU
It is very rude.
It happens all the time.
But can i just add that it also very rude to expect the nursery to do all the chasing of parents. I get this all the time.
I am a nursery nurse, not a party organiser or social secretary.
I will happily pass on the invites, but i am not happy to keep chasing them up.
And it is always the same bloody parents that never reply
It's always the same parents that never read newsletters and never dress their kids on dress up days because they 'didn't know'

6feetundertheGroundhogs · 31/10/2009 18:50

Am not (quite) at the party RSVP stage, but it's certainly closing in on me...

Would it be considered really bad form to say something on the invites along the lines of:

If you wish to attend, please reply by xx/xx date. If no reply is received by that date it will be assumed that you are not going to attend.

Fabster · 31/10/2009 18:53

I think that is fine 6feetunder and it gives you a cop-out if you don't want too/can't reply for whatever reason.

mazzystartled · 31/10/2009 19:11

Lots of stuff can go missing on the way home from nursery and everyone is so busy these days I am not surprised that it happens. 4 weeks notice is a long time - plenty of time for invitation to get lost/parents to forget about it.

TBH, if I was inviting small children to a party I would try very hard to make direct contact with the parents when giving the invitation. And possibly also chase them up myself in a relaxed kind of way.

Groundhogs - I would find that very rude,almost confrontational tbh.

mazzystartled · 31/10/2009 19:12

Lots of stuff can go missing on the way home from nursery and everyone is so busy these days I am not surprised that it happens. 4 weeks notice is a long time - plenty of time for invitation to get lost/parents to forget about it.

TBH, if I was inviting small children to a party I would try very hard to make direct contact with the parents when giving the invitation. And possibly also chase them up myself in a relaxed kind of way.

Groundhogs - I would find that very rude,almost confrontational tbh.

fishie · 31/10/2009 19:16

i've seen so many threads about this that i'd never do a party invitation that way.

would either make special arrangement directly with parent or have something open with no rsvp required.

Original poster

apostropheisback · 31/10/2009 19:17

ok, so what about something along the lines of "Please let us know if you can make it, so that we can make sure we have enough tea and party bags for everyone."

Or is that too needy?

OP posts:

Jujubean77 · 31/10/2009 19:19

why is rude to stipulate a time to reply? It is rude to go through what I am at the moment - possibly preparing party bags and treats for children who may or may not turn up, as well as booking a hall...

jobhuntersrus · 31/10/2009 19:34

Well ds2 is having his 7th birthday party tomorrow and I have only done enough party bags for those who have said they are coming plus one for each of my own dcs. So if any extras turn up I guess my dcs will have to forfit their party bag, not the end of the world I guess. Only put a few sweets, a balloon and some bubble mix in.
People should made the effort to reply if rsvp has been put on the invitation. It only takes a minute to text a quick reply.
Very rude to not reply and then just turn up I think.

ja9 · 31/10/2009 19:35

yes, this really gets on my nerves too - and have just realised there are 2 up coming parties i haven't rsvp'ed'. off to do that...

mazzystartled · 31/10/2009 19:38

Not the date for a reply, just the tone - apostrophe's suggestion is better

I await flaming for being a miserablist but IMO this is symptomatic of parties getting scaled up to ridiculous levels (not aiming this at posters on this thread) where you are inviting tons of kids whose parents you don't know well enough to find it important.