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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think this nurse was a bit of an old bag?

27 replies

windywendy · 30/10/2009 21:19

Bit of history first as I am quite new on here! I have two children and wanted to breastfeed both. First time I had a crash c section under general anaesthetic and absolutely no support from the hospital midwives in teaching him how to latch on. The community midwives left me to it and I reluctantly had to give formula from 5 days due to him being starving and my nipples falling off. When I was pregnant with baby 2 I did so much research, read books, talked to bf counsellors etc etc. We had plenty of challenges in our way - he was another section baby, I'm diabetic and injecting insulin and bf was causing massive hypos, his sugars were low, I had a chest infection and blocked ducts etc etc. However, despite all of this I got as much help as I could in hospital and it started off ok. When my milk came in properly my baby refused to go near me. It was very distressing for all of us and I struggled with trying to latch on, using nipple shields, expressing, getting mws round etc before deciding to call it a day at just over a week. Whilst I am very sad that it didn't work out for us I am just quite happy to have healthy children and the majority of my sanity left.

Some people have been judgey about it in the past (hence why you all got my long list of reasons/excuses) but now baby 2 is over a year old I thought it would have stopped. I took him for his MMR today and had to listen to 5 minutes of the nurse yapping about her pfb.

The conversation then went as follows:

Nurse: 'Are you still bf your baby?'
WW: 'No'
N: 'Oh, I bf my baby for exactly one whole year and it was wonderful'
WW: 'Fantastic! That's a really big achievement - we only managed one whole week here' This was all said in a genuinely friendly way - I was impressed!

Nurse: 'A WEEK??? Is that all??? Why did you only do a week?'

I felt like some sort of dodgy person who had just admitted to feeding him chips and gravy from birth so felt obliged to rattle off my reasons, which probably just made me seem really defensive

So, am I unreasonable for thinking she was a smug, judgemental old crow and wishing I had told her to sod off??

OP posts:
GhoulsAreLoud · 30/10/2009 21:22

No, but there are loads of people like that about (and not just about b/f, just about whatever it is that makes them feel a bloody fantastic parent).

The best thing you can do is not give them any ammunition.

So instead of saying "I only managed as week" you do this:

and then change the subject.

moondog · 30/10/2009 21:24

How odd.It's not about her,it's about you.
She deserved putting into a half nelson.

littleducks · 30/10/2009 21:27

That is so wrong

I think that she was ok on asking you, as there is a box to tick about bfing in the red book but tbh with both my kids no one has ever asked me at any immunisation but to judge you as a hcp is really wrong

Who gives a shit what she did, it has sod all to do with the mmr

(I am appalled and bfed mine so only ever got flak for not introducing a bottle, i think you cant win whatever you do

Firawla · 30/10/2009 21:28

yanbu but i would just ignore her, its none of her business and you do not need to justify yourself to her. you tried your best and im sure your dcs are fine despite not bf, i only managed 3 weeks with my ds too sometimes it just doesn't work out. all the nurse needs to do is write the answer down in the book or wherever and keep quiet

cakeywakey · 30/10/2009 21:28

What does she want? A medal?

BF is a very emotive subject, she should have been much more professional in the way she spoke to you. She's very lucky that she was able to breastfeed for a year - many of us are not so lucky. YADNBU.

scottishmummy · 30/10/2009 21:36

lovin the chips and gravy quip.ignore her.she can go polish her halo after work.

MamaGoblin · 30/10/2009 21:38

Stupid self-indulgent woman! It's nothing to do with your DC, or the mmr appointment, that she managed to breastfeed for a year. There's promoting bf, which is great and fine and dandy, and then there's being all smug and complacent about her own experience when she's meant to be professional.

I'm sorry you had such a nightmare with bf, by the way, and I'm sorry if anyone's made you feel bad about it.

Giltz · 30/10/2009 21:47

I find this all the time my DD is bottle fed and always has been. It is your choice no one should judge you? They should not comment either way.

scottishmummy · 30/10/2009 21:48

good parenting isnt determined by mode of feeding

luciemule · 30/10/2009 21:57

Completely unprofessional! She was only give your DC a jab so she didn't have your notes and although you did tell her you fed for a week, for all she knows, there could have been a medical reason as to why you couldn't feed, you could have had pnd or anything. But she didn't have the right to pass judgement. You could make a complaint to the practice; I certainly would have.

SquIDGEyeyeballs · 30/10/2009 22:01

If it happens again ask her if she delivered her tactfulness along with her baby - daft cow.

supersalstrawberry · 30/10/2009 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chegirlknowswhereyoulive · 30/10/2009 22:05

Silly bint.

You should have told her 'no he's fully weaned on red bull now'

Its people like her that help cause the mad divisions between bf and ff mums. Most of us dont give it a second thought.

scottishmummy · 30/10/2009 22:08

the over zealous posts on mn add to feeding debacle too

ineedalifelaundry · 30/10/2009 22:23

You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. Why do so many mums of ff babies feel they have to justify themselves? I was getting my hair cut yesterday and the hairdresser felt the need to explain to me why she hadn't breastfed. I wanted to say "Look it's ok, I don't think you're a bad parent!"

That nurse's attitude sounds totally unprofessional to me. She didn't need to know any of that- she was being nosy and judgy and show offy.

Longtalljosie · 31/10/2009 08:27

"bf was causing massive hypos"

Which is a big big deal, especially if you and the baby were alone in the house. As a nurse you'd have expected her to know that. And I'd echo the others - what does her own experience have to do with anything? Is that even allowed?

bellissima · 31/10/2009 12:12

YANBU - see the other post on here about someone who thinks that she can preach to her sister about bfing. I did manage it (for a bit) but I honestly suspect that it makes hardly a scrap of difference to a child's development, particularly with the sophisticated ffs they have now. (Bellissima now runs for cover before the nipple nazis quote a thousand research papers ad nauseam....)

sodit · 31/10/2009 12:33

ah yes so the rumours about it giving you saggy boobs are true then probably would of crossed my mind

bumpsoon · 31/10/2009 13:05

at nipple nazis !
i ff ds and bf dd for over a year ,does that mean i am only a good mother to one of my children ? YANBU

TheDevilEatsBabies · 31/10/2009 16:31

yanbu: 1, the nurse shouldn't have been so judgemental and 2, you shouldn't have to explain why.
there's every chance, considering your history, that you could have done more harm by trying to BF any longer, especially with the diabetes (not just to DC but to you too)

innedalifelaundry: your poor hairdresser, sounds like it's been weighing on her mind.

bellissima · 31/10/2009 19:00

See what I mean about research papers (other thread on is my sister being unreasonable) - was I right or was I right???

cornsilkwearscorsets · 31/10/2009 19:08

Cow. One of the nurses made me cry when I was pg with ds2 spouting similar crap (not about bf - something else.) They should keep their opinions to themselves while they are AT WORK.

kneedeepinthedirtylaundry · 31/10/2009 19:10

what a silly cow!

HalloweenIsSofaKingScary · 31/10/2009 19:13

YANBU.

She has been completely unprofessional. I very rarely share personal info with patients, but if I do it tends to be stuff where I empathise. eg smoking cessation. Never ever judgemental.

I would complain to the practice manager. It couldn't even be classed as promoting BFing I don't think. You had nothing to benefit from hearing how she fed her child.

tigger15 · 03/11/2009 22:23

As a fellow diabetic YANBU. I also had the massive hypos, including a coma when I went to lie down for half an hour but did manage in the end. If I'd had anything like you had I would have given up. Well done for managing that long.

He's 2 now and I'm sure is fine and much more intelligent than her son who is obviously coming from the disadvantage of having an idiot for a mother"!!!!

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